DEAR ABBY: We sent a check to our niece a month before her marriage as a wedding gift to her and her fiance. The amount was generous, and we felt any young couple would be delighted to receive it. We also attended their out-of-state wedding.

Four months after we sent the check, it had neither been cashed nor had we received any acknowledgment that it had been received. I contacted my sister to verify that it hadn't been lost only to be told that my niece was "embarrassed by the large amount of the check and could not accept it"! Have you ever heard of such a thing? We think it is rude on multiple counts: First, evaluating the gift; second, rejecting the gift; and finally, not feeling obligated to even acknowledge it.

I'm boiling mad. My sister was the one who suggested "money" when we asked what the bride could use as a gift. We always felt that any gift -- large or small, liked or not -- should be graciously accepted and acknowledged. Have you any thoughts on this? -- FURIOUS IN ARIZONA

DEAR FURIOUS: Yes -- and congratulations. Your letter is a first. I have heard of brides complaining that a gift of money wasn't large enough -- but never that it was "too large." Could there be some additional tensions in the family that prevented your niece from telling you that your generosity was more than she could comfortably accept? If so, she could have returned it with a note thanking you and explaining the reason why.

Your thoughts regarding etiquette are absolutely correct. Any gift -- or kind deed -- should be graciously acknowledged.

DEAR ABBY: Our youngest son was honored at his groom's dinner last month. As I looked down our table, six of our guests were fixated on sending/receiving text messages on their cell phones. One young woman sat staring off into space because no one had made any attempt to engage her in conversation.

Finally, I remarked that this was rude and that people should shut off their gadgets and get to know one another. These people were invited to honor my son who was being married. It did not go over well. I got comments like, "What's wrong with that?" "Oh, I have taken my knitting to these events," and, "I do this all the time." My thought was, "Well, stay home then and text away!"

Is it so hard for people to tune in and turn on to what is going on around them and forgo their "toys" during special life events? I am ... TIRED OF TECHNOLOGY

DEAR TIRED OF TECHNOLOGY: Obviously it is. But some people are so "addicted" to their electronic devices that they literally go into a form of withdrawal if they can't check for messages every few minutes. I agree that what happened was rude. But having discussed this subject with more than one psychiatrist, what I'm hearing is that many individuals today who effectively communicate on their devices, have difficulty engaging in eye-to-eye, one-on-one social interaction. That may explain the phenomenon you observed at the party.

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter gave birth to an adorable little boy three years ago. We love "Connor" dearly, but my husband is obsessed with him. He wants our grandson at our house every weekend from the time we are done working on Friday until Sunday evening or Monday morning.

My husband wants to take Connor everywhere we go. Abby, I love my grandson, but after raising our own children, I'd now like to focus on our lives and maybe have time for myself. If I say anything, my husband becomes furious and tells me I don't love our grandson. Of course I do, but I don't want every spare moment of my life wrapped up in him. Your advice, please? -- CONNOR'S G-MA IN VIRGINIA

DEAR G-MA: How does your daughter feel about this arrangement? What about Connor's father and his paternal grandparents? Shouldn't they be getting equal time with the child, too? If your daughter is a single mother, it is unfair for her to expect her parents to baby-sit Connor every weekend.

I agree that your husband's behavior is obsessive. You deserve time for yourself, so TAKE it. If your husband won't cooperate, schedule activities with some of your women friends. Do not allow yourself to be bullied into being an unwilling baby sitter because it isn't healthy for any of you.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl and I really enjoy drawing. There's a 17-year-old boy in my school, "Christopher," who I am dying to draw. He has a wonderful profile, a fascinating smile, challenging hair that hangs over his eyes in an interesting way, great posture, grace and beautiful hands. Shall I go on?

Every time I see Christopher I want to grab a camera and get some good snapshots to use as a reference for sketching him later. I especially want to capture him in action -- running, jumping, fencing or something like that. I also want to do a portrait of him.

How can I get some photos of him without being embarrassed or getting teased? There's one teacher who would definitely tease me if I'm too obvious. -- FUTURE FAMOUS ARTIST IN GEORGIA

DEAR ARTIST: Why not try the direct approach? Tell Christopher that you're working on an art project, and ask him if he would mind if you used him as a model. Tell him it wouldn't take up much of his time -- but you'd like to snap some reference shots of him running, jumping, a three-quarter picture of his head and shoulders and his profile. He might be flattered at the idea. And if you get teased about it, say, "Dear Abby says, 'Art without passion is mechanical drawing.'"

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is being married on a very limited budget. She is thinking about handing out drink tickets at the reception to limit alcohol consumption. The reason is the cost. I think it sounds tacky, but it's better than a cash bar. What do you think? -- BUDGET-CONSCIOUS MAMA IN MISSOURI

DEAR MAMA: Nowhere is it written that alcohol must be consumed at a wedding reception. Many couples offer punch or cider to their guests instead, and that's what I recommend your daughter do.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a gay 44-year-old man with self-esteem problems. I have never seen myself as worthy of affection, and I don't consider myself attractive. I have never been in a relationship, and no one outside of my family has ever said "I love you" to me.

I have recently tried to come out of my shell. As a result, the network of people I associate with has tripled -- and I think that has compounded my problem. Aside from parties where everyone is invited, I never hear from any of these people. I have only a couple of good friends, people I can talk to.

I have leaned on my friends to try to help me with my problem. But I'm afraid if I keep unloading on them it'll wear them down, and I don't want to burden them.

I wish I didn't feel so worthless. I know part of my problem is the fact that I am unemployed and worried about money. But this is who I have been my whole life. How do I break the cycle and start feeling good about myself? I'm tired of being lonely all the time. -- LONELY IN CHICAGO

DEAR LONELY: One way to stop feeling lonely is to give yourself less time to feel that way. Because you are unemployed and have the time, volunteer some of it. Find a nonprofit that helps homeless gay youth or senior citizens -- or, because the political scene is heating up, the party of your choice.

And while you're at it, contact a gay and lesbian center and ask what kind of counseling services it offers, because your problems predate your unemployment. There is help available in your city. Once you understand why you feel "unworthy of affection" you'll be able to improve your self-esteem. There are better days ahead.

DEAR ABBY: My office was relocated recently, a bit farther away from home than the old one. My new commute involves riding public transportation and then a shared shuttle van.

One of my co-workers, "Phil," rides the same shuttle. He always waits for me to get off the shuttle so he can walk with me to the office. He seems nice enough and well-meaning, but my mornings are my time to prepare myself for the day. He also occasionally touches my arm, which makes me uncomfortable. He also talks about personal things I would rather not hear about.

I would prefer to walk without him, but there is no other way to get to the office. I have debated being 10 minutes late to work each day, but then I would need to stay 10 minutes later and it would be much harder for me to catch the later shuttle.

What do I do? Tell Phil I don't want to walk with him? Walk faster? Go in later? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN SOUTH SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Tell Phil that as you walk to the office you meditate -- that it helps "center" you in preparing for the workday. Explain that when he talks to you or touches you it's distracting, so you would prefer that he go on ahead. It's the truth, and he should accommodate you.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)