DEAR ABBY: Our daughter gave birth to an adorable little boy three years ago. We love "Connor" dearly, but my husband is obsessed with him. He wants our grandson at our house every weekend from the time we are done working on Friday until Sunday evening or Monday morning.

My husband wants to take Connor everywhere we go. Abby, I love my grandson, but after raising our own children, I'd now like to focus on our lives and maybe have time for myself. If I say anything, my husband becomes furious and tells me I don't love our grandson. Of course I do, but I don't want every spare moment of my life wrapped up in him. Your advice, please? -- CONNOR'S G-MA IN VIRGINIA

DEAR G-MA: How does your daughter feel about this arrangement? What about Connor's father and his paternal grandparents? Shouldn't they be getting equal time with the child, too? If your daughter is a single mother, it is unfair for her to expect her parents to baby-sit Connor every weekend.

I agree that your husband's behavior is obsessive. You deserve time for yourself, so TAKE it. If your husband won't cooperate, schedule activities with some of your women friends. Do not allow yourself to be bullied into being an unwilling baby sitter because it isn't healthy for any of you.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl and I really enjoy drawing. There's a 17-year-old boy in my school, "Christopher," who I am dying to draw. He has a wonderful profile, a fascinating smile, challenging hair that hangs over his eyes in an interesting way, great posture, grace and beautiful hands. Shall I go on?

Every time I see Christopher I want to grab a camera and get some good snapshots to use as a reference for sketching him later. I especially want to capture him in action -- running, jumping, fencing or something like that. I also want to do a portrait of him.

How can I get some photos of him without being embarrassed or getting teased? There's one teacher who would definitely tease me if I'm too obvious. -- FUTURE FAMOUS ARTIST IN GEORGIA

DEAR ARTIST: Why not try the direct approach? Tell Christopher that you're working on an art project, and ask him if he would mind if you used him as a model. Tell him it wouldn't take up much of his time -- but you'd like to snap some reference shots of him running, jumping, a three-quarter picture of his head and shoulders and his profile. He might be flattered at the idea. And if you get teased about it, say, "Dear Abby says, 'Art without passion is mechanical drawing.'"

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is being married on a very limited budget. She is thinking about handing out drink tickets at the reception to limit alcohol consumption. The reason is the cost. I think it sounds tacky, but it's better than a cash bar. What do you think? -- BUDGET-CONSCIOUS MAMA IN MISSOURI

DEAR MAMA: Nowhere is it written that alcohol must be consumed at a wedding reception. Many couples offer punch or cider to their guests instead, and that's what I recommend your daughter do.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a gay 44-year-old man with self-esteem problems. I have never seen myself as worthy of affection, and I don't consider myself attractive. I have never been in a relationship, and no one outside of my family has ever said "I love you" to me.

I have recently tried to come out of my shell. As a result, the network of people I associate with has tripled -- and I think that has compounded my problem. Aside from parties where everyone is invited, I never hear from any of these people. I have only a couple of good friends, people I can talk to.

I have leaned on my friends to try to help me with my problem. But I'm afraid if I keep unloading on them it'll wear them down, and I don't want to burden them.

I wish I didn't feel so worthless. I know part of my problem is the fact that I am unemployed and worried about money. But this is who I have been my whole life. How do I break the cycle and start feeling good about myself? I'm tired of being lonely all the time. -- LONELY IN CHICAGO

DEAR LONELY: One way to stop feeling lonely is to give yourself less time to feel that way. Because you are unemployed and have the time, volunteer some of it. Find a nonprofit that helps homeless gay youth or senior citizens -- or, because the political scene is heating up, the party of your choice.

And while you're at it, contact a gay and lesbian center and ask what kind of counseling services it offers, because your problems predate your unemployment. There is help available in your city. Once you understand why you feel "unworthy of affection" you'll be able to improve your self-esteem. There are better days ahead.

DEAR ABBY: My office was relocated recently, a bit farther away from home than the old one. My new commute involves riding public transportation and then a shared shuttle van.

One of my co-workers, "Phil," rides the same shuttle. He always waits for me to get off the shuttle so he can walk with me to the office. He seems nice enough and well-meaning, but my mornings are my time to prepare myself for the day. He also occasionally touches my arm, which makes me uncomfortable. He also talks about personal things I would rather not hear about.

I would prefer to walk without him, but there is no other way to get to the office. I have debated being 10 minutes late to work each day, but then I would need to stay 10 minutes later and it would be much harder for me to catch the later shuttle.

What do I do? Tell Phil I don't want to walk with him? Walk faster? Go in later? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN SOUTH SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Tell Phil that as you walk to the office you meditate -- that it helps "center" you in preparing for the workday. Explain that when he talks to you or touches you it's distracting, so you would prefer that he go on ahead. It's the truth, and he should accommodate you.

DEAR ABBY: "Lost My Appetite in South Carolina" (June 1) walked out of a wedding reception after waiting for a delayed dinner and suffering through the DJ's "loud, deafening rock 'n' roll music." You chided the writer and suggested he should have asked the hosts to lower the volume somewhat. It's my experience this doesn't work. Insanely loud music is part of the contemporary American culture.

I have walked out of at least two wedding receptions because of loud music. A wedding reception is supposed to be an event to enjoy and talk to people. Something is amiss when people are invited to a wedding and become a captive audience, forced to put up with intolerable conditions. Walking out is a reasonable response. -- PAUL IN CHESTERFIELD, MO.

DEAR PAUL: It was impossible to turn a deaf ear to the "volume" of letters I received supporting "Lost" for the reasons you expressed. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Spoiled brides and loopy parents treat weddings like Broadway productions. The guests are just extras in the extravaganza. If people have been invited for dinner and it isn't being served, they are justified in leaving.

I went to a wedding and was shocked to learn dinner wouldn't be served until five hours after the reception began because "the bride preferred to dance on an empty stomach." My husband and I left our gift and took our empty stomachs to a restaurant. We heard later that the mother of the bride was angry because more than a dozen guests also left before dinner, while the bride danced merrily on. -- J.G. IN LOS ANGELES

DEAR ABBY: You missed an opportunity to point out to your readers that special dinners are a time for family, friends and new acquaintances to renew, rekindle and update their lives and relationships. It might be wise for future wedding planners to instruct the DJ or band to play soft music -- or none at all -- during dinnertime. Remember, the "bash" goes on after dinner and lasts for hours. -- CATHY LEE IN GROSSE POINT FARMS, MICH.

DEAR ABBY: That letter made me furious! Because of the 30 extra guests we expected, we rented a larger room, hired an extra waiter and bartender and set up additional tables. Because some guests didn't show up and others left before the meal, we had couples left sitting alone at their tables.

The money we could have saved if some of those ungrateful people had simply declined in the RSVP could have gone to the newlyweds to start their household. Whatever happened to courtesy and good manners? -- DISAPPOINTED MOTHER IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: The comfort of one's guests must be considered in planning an event. I think it's perfectly acceptable for a guest to leave before dinner, stating, "I'm sorry, but the music has become too loud for me to stay." It is extremely rude of hosts to expect guests to tolerate dangerous, uncomfortable noise levels. -- VALUES MY HEARING IN N.Y.

DEAR ABBY: The "rule" that guests must eat dinner because it was paid for is right up there with the assumption that the price of the gift must be equal to the guests' share of the cost of the reception. Utter nonsense! It costs the same whether they eat while suffering from the deafening noise or discreetly making an escape. -- COMMON SENSE IN ILLINOIS