DEAR ABBY: I understand the frustration of "Takes My Job Seriously" (June 1), the supervisor who complained about her female employees requesting time off for kids' school and sports events or beauty appointments. Over the last few years I have noticed a decline in work ethic across the board.

Phone calls go unreturned, workers stand around idle and errors are made on important forms. People seem to do the minimum necessary to make it to the end of the day, and supervisors aren't much different -- they allow this behavior. Years ago, people worked hard for their money. Now they hardly work. -- GETTING THE JOB DONE

DEAR GETTING: Your letter was one of many I received filled with interesting -- and varied -- comments on this topic. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am the owner of a recruiting company, and I agree with the writer's views on the quality of today's work force. I hear from many frustrated clients seeking employees who actually want to work for their paycheck. We have turned into an entitlement society. No one wants to take responsibility for his/her work or life any longer. And they expect big-time money for no responsibility. -- VALERIE IN GEORGIA

DEAR ABBY: "TMJS" fails to take into consideration the evolution of the work force. Not only are there more women working now, but we usually work far beyond the regular 9-to-5 grind. As a single mom, I need flexibility in my schedule to get everything done that's demanded of me at work and at home. I take my laptop home every night and work after my son goes to sleep.

"TMJS" may feel superior because I'm not in the office as much as she is, but I'll bet I work more hours per week. Technology now allows us the flexibility of choice. -- BONNIE C.

DEAR ABBY: I supervise several younger women. Studies have shown that while these employees want to do a good job, they find it equally important to have "work/life" balance. I actually think they are smarter than we are. We tend to overwork and feel guilty if we take a day for ourselves. If they take the time they have earned and use it for what they enjoy -- good for them. -- WORKAHOLIC IN FORT COLLINS

DEAR ABBY: "TMJS" should update her management training. While we mourn the loss of the way things were, there have been positive changes as well. Understanding diversity in the workplace is imperative for a successful manager. My 20-year-old would be shocked at the concept of staying in one job for 45 years -- but that was the norm in my dad's day. In this global economy, "different" does not equal "bad." -- PATTY IN LANCASTER, PA.

DEAR ABBY: "TMJS" must have entered the work force when companies still took care of loyal, longtime employees by providing good benefits and job security. It paid to go the extra mile for your employer because you knew your company would return the favor when needed.

In recent years this has changed. Workers today realize that sacrificing their personal life for their professional one does not necessarily reap any benefits. The so-called breakdown of the family unit may be the result of workers dedicating themselves more to their jobs than to their home lives. -- FAMILY FIRST IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: I supervise young, highly paid federal employees and expect them to work hard for the money taxpayers pay them. They seem to think their personal problems should be mine. I disagree. A job is a privilege too many people fail to appreciate until it's gone. -- SERIOUS, TOO, IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR ABBY: I am being married in October and asked my best friend of 19 years to be my maid of honor. "Brianna" likes to dye the bottom of her hair red. I asked her to take the red out of her hair for the wedding, but she flat-out refused! When I told her that it is MY wedding and I don't want any red hair because it won't match my color scheme, her exact words were, "I don't care."

Am I wrong for asking Brianna to remove the dye? How do I get her to realize this is my wedding and I don't want to be upstaged! Please help me. -- SEEING RED IN MARYLAND

DEAR SEEING RED: I'll try. When you picked your best friend of 19 years to stand up with you at your wedding, you knew what she looked like. Either you should have picked another color scheme for the production, or chosen a cast member who was suitably mousy that she wouldn't dim your spotlight. Please note that I am using theatrical terms because you have lost sight of what a wedding really should be. What a shame.

DEAR ABBY: I am 20, and my life seems to be going nowhere. I graduated from high school two years ago and have put off going to college. I am obese and have no willpower to exercise to get healthy. I'm constantly thinking about the past. In high school I had few friends, none of whom keep in touch with me.

I recently bumped into a former guy friend at a store. We were close during my junior year, but he ignored me in my senior year. At the store, he didn't speak to me, which was hurtful. It reminded me of the pain I felt back in school. I always felt so alone.

My dream is to be an actress, go back to school and lose weight. But I can't actually see myself accomplishing any of it. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. Can you offer me some guidance? -- GOING CRAZY IN PHOENIX

DEAR GOING CRAZY: I'm glad you wrote, because you may suffer from long-term depression. Please schedule an appointment with a doctor and tell him or her exactly what you have described to me. With help, you may be able to stop needing to comfort yourself with food and find the energy you need to become more active.

If you want to be an actress, see what acting classes are available in Phoenix and if there is any regional theater. Not all actresses have to be skinny.

And one more thing. The former classmate you saw in the store may not have seen you, which is why he didn't say hello, or he may not have matured since graduation. This is not a reflection of what you are worth -- it's a reflection on him.

DEAR ABBY: It is picnic and barbecue season, and I would like to inform you of a disturbing trend that seems to be growing. When guests arrive at gatherings, they tend to prepare "to go" plates as soon as they arrive, take the plates to their cars, and then return to eat as if they had just arrived.

My mother-in-law thinks this practice is just fine. I think it is tasteless, to say the least. Will you please settle this disagreement between us? -- APPALLED IN CHICAGO

DEAR APPALLED: If this is a "trend," this is the first time I have heard about it. You may feel that taking food from a party to a hot car and returning to attend the gathering is "tasteless." I think it's downright dangerous because it could lead to food poisoning. The time to take leftovers is at the END of the party.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am an ordained minister and a senior citizen. At the present time I do not have a position with a church. I rely on part-time work officiating at funerals and weddings and earn a very modest living.

I work hard to make each funeral service meaningful. It often involves meeting with family members to hear stories about their loved one, and sometimes I must drive many miles to and from the church where the funeral is held. I always receive compliments from the families afterward, telling me how touched they were. Then they fail to pay me a single red cent! Most of these people know I am essentially unemployed, yet they offer me nothing for all my work.

Abby, nobody goes into the ministry for the money, but clergy have to eat, fill their gas tanks and pay their bills just like everyone else. What can I do to make sure I am compensated? Please don't tell me to set a specific fee, because I'd be glad to accept any offering they can afford. Besides, it seems tacky for a member of the clergy to ask for a fee upfront. It would be different if I was still on staff at a church and receiving a salary, but such is not the case. -- THORNY ISSUE IN FLORIDA

DEAR THORNY ISSUE: Please reconsider your policy about setting a fee for your services. Grieving families often forget anything beyond their grief. It is all right to say when you are called, "Please understand that I cannot do this for free. Would 'X' amount be fair?" That way your compensation can be negotiated. And if they forget, send a gentle reminder. Justice and charity walk hand in hand.

DEAR ABBY: When I'm finished with my silverware, plate, drinking glass, etc., I place them directly in the dishwasher. I do not understand why someone would put these items in the sink when the dishwasher is right there.

What is the proper etiquette for family? What about friends and company? -- MICHAEL IN NEW YORK

DEAR MICHAEL: People place their used eating utensils in the sink because some hosts are particular about how dishes and silverware are placed in the dishwasher. Some people prefer to wash their "good" china, glassware and silverware by hand. Please do not take offense. Tell friends and family what you prefer, and I'm sure they'll gladly comply.

DEAR ABBY: You often advise readers to consult a counselor or psychologist. We live in a small town with limited resources. There are a couple of good-sized cities within a reasonable distance. How do I know a practitioner is qualified to meet our needs? -- NEEDS GUIDANCE IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR NEEDS GUIDANCE: The first thing to do is to find out if the person is licensed to practice in your state. You should also ask your health-care provider if he or she knows of any good therapists. After that it's up to you to interview the candidates to make sure that you feel comfortable enough to confide your problems, because not everyone -- regardless of how qualified he or she may be -- may be a good "fit."

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)