DEAR ABBY: I am an ordained minister and a senior citizen. At the present time I do not have a position with a church. I rely on part-time work officiating at funerals and weddings and earn a very modest living.

I work hard to make each funeral service meaningful. It often involves meeting with family members to hear stories about their loved one, and sometimes I must drive many miles to and from the church where the funeral is held. I always receive compliments from the families afterward, telling me how touched they were. Then they fail to pay me a single red cent! Most of these people know I am essentially unemployed, yet they offer me nothing for all my work.

Abby, nobody goes into the ministry for the money, but clergy have to eat, fill their gas tanks and pay their bills just like everyone else. What can I do to make sure I am compensated? Please don't tell me to set a specific fee, because I'd be glad to accept any offering they can afford. Besides, it seems tacky for a member of the clergy to ask for a fee upfront. It would be different if I was still on staff at a church and receiving a salary, but such is not the case. -- THORNY ISSUE IN FLORIDA

DEAR THORNY ISSUE: Please reconsider your policy about setting a fee for your services. Grieving families often forget anything beyond their grief. It is all right to say when you are called, "Please understand that I cannot do this for free. Would 'X' amount be fair?" That way your compensation can be negotiated. And if they forget, send a gentle reminder. Justice and charity walk hand in hand.

DEAR ABBY: When I'm finished with my silverware, plate, drinking glass, etc., I place them directly in the dishwasher. I do not understand why someone would put these items in the sink when the dishwasher is right there.

What is the proper etiquette for family? What about friends and company? -- MICHAEL IN NEW YORK

DEAR MICHAEL: People place their used eating utensils in the sink because some hosts are particular about how dishes and silverware are placed in the dishwasher. Some people prefer to wash their "good" china, glassware and silverware by hand. Please do not take offense. Tell friends and family what you prefer, and I'm sure they'll gladly comply.

DEAR ABBY: You often advise readers to consult a counselor or psychologist. We live in a small town with limited resources. There are a couple of good-sized cities within a reasonable distance. How do I know a practitioner is qualified to meet our needs? -- NEEDS GUIDANCE IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR NEEDS GUIDANCE: The first thing to do is to find out if the person is licensed to practice in your state. You should also ask your health-care provider if he or she knows of any good therapists. After that it's up to you to interview the candidates to make sure that you feel comfortable enough to confide your problems, because not everyone -- regardless of how qualified he or she may be -- may be a good "fit."

DEAR ABBY: This summer, my boyfriend and I will be working together. I will be his boss. I want to maintain a professional environment while still keeping peace in the relationship. My boyfriend can be sensitive sometimes, so do you have any tips to help me separate my work life from my love life? -- STAGE MANAGER IN THE SOUTH

DEAR STAGE MANAGER: Yup. Before you start working with your boyfriend, establish ground rules in advance. He needs to understand that he won't be treated any differently than the rest of the cast and crew members because of your personal relationship, and to protect your job there must be no suggestion of favoritism. For you to allow that to happen, or for him to expect special treatment, would be unprofessional and could negatively affect the production.

DEAR ABBY: I was my best friend "Chanel's" maid of honor. I received her beautiful engraved invitation in the mail, but never sent back my RSVP, assuming that because I was maid of honor, had purchased my plane ticket, reserved a hotel room (which the bride and I were sharing the night before the wedding) and had already bought my dress, it was "understood" that I was coming. The bride and I had already discussed my special meal for the reception because I am a vegetarian.

During the reception, Chanel's mother informed me that "in the future I needed to RSVP when invited to a function." Abby, as a member of the wedding party I honestly didn't think I needed to. Are the members of the wedding party expected to RSVP?

As an aside, Chanel's mother was never fond of my mother and has told Chanel she thinks I'm "flaky." Was I in the wrong, or did her mother use this as a way to express her dislike of me? I have never considered her someone who was a stickler regarding etiquette. -- PERPLEXED IN PLANO, TEXAS

DEAR PERPLEXED: Technically, when one receives an RSVP card with an invitation, the recipient should immediately return it with an acceptance or regrets. However, in your case, common sense should have allowed the bride's mother to conclude that you would be there -- for all of the reasons you mentioned -- unless Chanel and her mother weren't communicating.

It appears your assessment of the woman is on target. For her to have been so insensitive to have taken it upon herself to "correct" you at the reception was in extremely poor taste.

DEAR ABBY: What should I call my late daughter's husband? My daughter had been married to "John" for 10 years at the time of her death. They had two young children.

John has since remarried and his wife has adopted the children. We have a close relationship, but I am unsure how to introduce both of them. (They are also aunt and uncle to my other grandchildren.) -- JUDITH IN SAN JOSE

DEAR JUDITH: The family history does not have to be explained at the time you introduce them. I see no reason why you should feel compelled to explain that your daughter died and John remarried, etc. Why not just say, "This is John and Mary, and our grandkids, Laurie and Jimmy"?

DEAR ABBY: I am a 27-year-old woman who lives alone in a house I own. Sometimes strangers come to the house for various reasons -- plumbers, electricians, etc.

One question I am frequently asked is, "Do you live alone?" I just don't know how to answer that question without feeling like someone might take advantage of me. Can you help me and other single women by providing an appropriate response? -- CAUTIOUS BACHELORETTE, HUNTSVILLE, ALA.

DEAR BACHELORETTE: Gladly. Your gut instincts are on target. I ran your question by my local police department. While I do not usually advise readers to lie, this is the exception that proves the rule. If you are asked if you live alone, reply: "No, I do not live alone. My boyfriend (brother, nephew, etc.) lives here too. Why do you ask?"

DEAR ABBY: My parents are in their 60s and very healthy. Dad has always been frugal. But ever since his retirement, saving a buck seems to be the only thing that makes him happy. Mom and Dad are comfortably well off, but all they seem to think about is saving money.

My sibling and I are doing well enough that we don't need to rely on inheritance money. We would rather see them enjoy life than hold onto that money for us. Is Dad bored, or does he need a hobby?

It has reached the point where it's embarrassing to go anywhere with them because Dad berates waiters at restaurants and argues with store clerks over prices. When we're shopping, he "disappears" until everything is paid for. When I tell him I didn't expect him to pay, he gets defensive and denies he was hiding. What do you make of this? -- PULLING MY HAIR OUT

DEAR PULLING: I make of it that your parents are healthy, retired with less money at their disposal than -- perhaps -- they had counted on, and expect to live a long time. That may be what is driving your already frugal father's behavior.

Many retirees today are doing with far less because of the financial turmoil over the last few years. Some have had to postpone their retirement entirely.

Because your father is arguing with servers over the price of food -- which is not their fault because they don't set the prices on the menu -- take him to less expensive restaurants. And if his behavior when you're shopping embarrasses you, find other ways to spend time with him.

DEAR ABBY: I am a college student and four months pregnant. This is my first pregnancy and I'm having a baby shower. I recently heard that sometimes males are invited to the shower. I would like to know if this is appropriate and if I can do it. My mother thinks it's tacky, but this is 2010! Is it acceptable? -- JESSICA IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR JESSICA: Yes, it is acceptable. Allow me to quote from Emily Post's Etiquette, 17th Edition: "It is not uncommon for men to be included on baby shower guest lists these days -- and some lucky guys become shower honorees. (An Emily Post Institute survey showed that over a third of respondents had attended showers where the guest list was mixed.)"