DEAR ABBY: I'm a boy in eighth grade with a big problem. My parents constantly talk about their finances in front of me. We are not poor, but we're far from rich. It bothers me when they talk about how much money they owe or if they're in debt or not.

I have asked my parents several times not to talk about money in front of me. However, they insist that I'm old enough to hear about it. I'm a natural worrier, and when they talk about financial issues it makes me think something terrible is going to happen to us. What should I do? -- STILL A KID IN LINWOOD, N.J.

DEAR STILL A KID: One of the hardest things for many people to talk about is money -- or lack of it. And yet, not talking about it can cause more problems than airing the subject. Your parents may be trying to educate you about finances because many schools don't do it. But if it becomes too stressful for you, then leave the room.

DEAR ABBY: Although I don't think my last name is a particularly difficult one, people often struggle with it when they go to write it after I say it. I understand this and it does not bother me. As a matter of habit, I routinely spell my name immediately after I say it, to assist the person who is writing it down.

A security guard who works at a client's building I visit a few times a year has reacted in a hostile manner because I spell my name when she asks for it. She may be under the impression that I think my name is beyond her capabilities -- which isn't true.

Abby, is spelling my name condescending or disrespectful to someone in a business setting? Is my routine practice annoying or is the guard overly sensitive? -- BILL "X" IN GEORGETOWN, DEL.

DEAR BILL "X": She may be overly sensitive or, because you have already spelled your name for her several times, she may be under the impression that you think she's not very bright. Perhaps in the future you should modify your delivery: "My name is Bill 'Xybleniwicz.' I'll spell it for you if you'd like me to ..."

DEAR ABBY: For the past several years I have worked in a medical office. I see patients every three months or as little as once a year.

Two years ago, my mother was diagnosed with cancer. She passed away last spring. Because of the stress of my dear mother's illness and death, my weight has fluctuated.

Some of my patients don't hesitate to point out how "chunky" I have become. One woman even went so far as to ask if I was "happy with the way I have let myself go." Abby, how do I defend my weight gain without getting into my personal life? -- IMPATIENT WITH MY PATIENTS IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR IMPATIENT: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your mother. I'm sure the last two years have been painful. I see no reason why, if someone is so insensitive as to mention your weight, you shouldn't let the person have the truth with both barrels. If that doesn't shame him or her into an apology, nothing will. However, because you prefer to conceal it, try this response: "You know, I gained this weight the old-fashioned way -- one bite at a time, and that's the way it'll have to come off."

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: Last year, my husband of 36 years died. My pastor came over a few days later to help me clean up my yard because my husband was a pack rat. I did not realize that some of the items I thought were junk were valuable. My pastor took the items, sold them for scrap and kept the money for himself. He also took my husband's truck to his shop, stripped it and sold the parts.

I have tried calling him but he won't answer or return my calls. I tried talking to him after church only to have him shut the door in my face. I have written him a letter -- no response.

Abby, I don't want to take my pastor to court. I'm beginning to lose my faith. What should I do? -- LOSING MY FAITH IN KINSTON, N.C.

DEAR LOSING YOUR FAITH: My gut reaction is to scream, "Call the cops!" The man you have described is a wolf in shepherd's clothing and it could save other trusting widows from being fleeced as you have been. If you can't bring yourself to take that "pastard" to civil court, at least report these thefts to the judicatory or regional board of your denomination so they can deal with him.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married 30 years and have had issues with my mother-in-law since before the wedding. She didn't want me to marry her son and has criticized my hair, my weight, my child-rearing, etc., during my entire marriage. Of course, she never says these things when my husband is within earshot. I didn't discuss it with him because we don't see her often.

We're planning a one-week visit with them, and my 50th birthday will occur during the visit. My husband told me I could do whatever I wanted on my birthday and mentioned including his parents. I told him I didn't want to spend the day with them and now he's mad at me.

I realize this may seem petty to you, but this is a milestone birthday that I'm not really looking forward to. What do I do? Do I "suck it up" and deal with her presence on my birthday or stand my ground? -- DREADING IT IN ALAMOGORDO, N.M.

DEAR DREADING IT: Remind your spouse that he SAID you could do anything you wished on your birthday, and that you didn't realize that telling him you wanted to spend this milestone without his parents would upset him. Then tell him that because he feels obligated to include his parents, of course, you won't object -- as long as he's willing to celebrate the occasion the way YOU would like after you return from the visit.

P.S. It's too bad you didn't tell him his mother was "gunning for you" decades ago, because he might have been able to nip it in the bud.

DEAR ABBY: Many years ago my wife conceived a child with an old boyfriend who had been after her for quite a while without my knowledge. I adopted the child after he left her.

I have tried to convince my wife to tell our daughter the truth for medical reasons, but she refuses. She feels if she tells our daughter the truth, she will be disgraced forever. What is your opinion? -- LOVES MY DAUGHTER IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR LOVES YOUR DAUGHTER: Your daughter should have been told the truth years ago -- and it is still not too late to do so. My concern is that she may eventually hear it from some other relative or a close family friend who assumes she already knows. These kinds of family secrets invariably have a way of slipping out, and better that your daughter hear the story from her mother than someone else.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am an 18-year-old woman and have been with my fiance for 2 1/2 years. I love him and can't picture my life without him. However, over the last six months he has become emotionally abusive. He's never wrong, gets mad if I disagree with him about anything, and he yells at me over every little thing.

He used to treat me great, and now this. I miss how it used to be, and I cry almost every day. In the past I always told myself I would never put up with something like this, but I have been -- and it gets harder every day. I know it's not physical, but emotional abuse counts for something, right? Or am I overreacting? Please give me some advice. I need to know there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. -- SAD IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR SAD: You're not overreacting. What you are experiencing now is a preview of how the rest of your life will be if you stay with him. When a partner becomes controlling and emotionally abusive, in most cases it's only a matter of time until the physical abuse begins. If you're smart, you will put an end to this NOW. The "light at the end of the tunnel" is the sunshine you'll see once you exit this relationship and slam the door behind you.

DEAR ABBY: Would you please say something about the practice of choosing teams for group games by having team captains select individuals through the process of elimination?

As a child, I was always the person chosen last, and it happened again at a recent community function. I found it just as humiliating and hurtful as an adult.

We were asked to stand and then sit down as our names were called. I was the last person standing in a room of 60 people, and it felt like I had just been pronounced the least popular and desirable person in the room. -- THE OUTCAST IN ALLEN PARK, MICH.

DEAR "OUTCAST": I'm glad you wrote. When choosing teams for group games, most savvy educators separate students into "odds" and "evens" -- or divide them alphabetically -- rather than using the old "last man standing" method. That this would happen in a room full of adults shows extreme insensitivity, and I don't blame you for being upset.

DEAR ABBY: My mom recently married a man with four daughters whose upbringing was very different than mine. Most of the time the "culture clash" doesn't bother me, except when we get into trouble.

When I stay out after my curfew, I am grounded for two weeks. When they do it, they get a minor scolding. While I understand that we were raised with different standards, I resent it when my punishment is worse than theirs. How can I make this equal? -- ANGRY IN THE WEST

DEAR ANGRY: Yours is a problem that occurs in many families when they become blended -- and you are right; the situation is unfair. That's why I hope you will show this item to your parents. Family counseling can help them arrive at a fair solution and head off resentments before they explode.