DEAR ABBY: My parents live nearby and are extremely helpful with my young children. My mom feels the need to be the "fun" grandma, and her way of accomplishing it is to always have sweet treats available for the kids in her home. In my home, she allows them to skip vegetables at dinner and loads them up with dessert. Because she is helping me out I ignore this, but every once in a while I ask her in front of the kids to refrain from giving them sweets.

My children recently told me that the second I walk out the door she goes and gets the sweets and hands them out. They all told me they do not have to say a word -- she just does it. I feel this is disrespectful to me and sets a poor example for my children. Should I say something, or am I overreacting? -- SWEET SUE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SWEET SUE: By all means "say something" to your mother. What she's doing may be well-intentioned, but she is doing your children no favor by creating and indulging their appetite for sugar. When she's at your house, TELL her what you want the kids to have as snacks and for dessert. And when they're at her place, bring approved snacks that you prefer she serve.

By going behind your back she is undercutting your authority as a parent. You're lucky your children told you what's happening so you can put your foot down.

DEAR ABBY: I have been a security guard for more than three years, and I'm dismayed at the treatment I've received. I am a person and deserve to be treated as such.

I can't tell you how many times I have been verbally abused because I simply asked someone to show an ID. Security guards are here to protect people and property. Please remember that the next time you are asked to show identification or sign in. Thank you. -- MARY IN SUNNYVALE, CALIF.

DEAR MARY: After reading your letter, I spoke to several security officers and asked about their experiences. They all said that when asking someone to show ID, it's important to approach the person in a friendly, non-confrontational manner -- because sometimes it's not what is said but the way it is said that causes people to take offense. One female officer stated that males sometimes give her "attitude" because she is a woman. But on the other side of the coin, women liked the idea of a female officer.

DEAR ABBY: My view of feminism is very broad and is based on the belief that women are -- and should be -- politically, socially and economically equal to men.

I am dumbfounded when I hear young women proudly proclaim that they are not feminists after learning that I am. What is the appropriate response when comments such as, "I'm not a feminist -- I expect men to take care of everything for me!" are directed toward me? -- FLABBERGASTED FEMINIST IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR FLABBERGASTED: Smile and ask, "And what are you going to do when they don't?"

DEAR ABBY: I am a 27-year-old, heterosexual female in a long-term, happy relationship with a man. However, I often find myself checking out other women's bodies. It doesn't turn me on or anything -- I just look to compare, I think. Am I normal, or do I need professional help? -- STRAIGHT IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR STRAIGHT: Yes, and no.

DEAR ABBY: Years ago you gave me some good advice, and now I have a new issue I need help with. My sister, "Rhonda," and her husband -- both in their mid-50s -- will be visiting us again this summer. The last time they stayed, we caught them in our backyard smoking pot.

My husband and I were shocked and upset about it, and so were our teenage children. This was a violation of the rules in our home and set a poor example for our children, but I was too spineless to say anything.

I want to tell Rhonda and her husband before this next visit that drugs are absolutely not allowed on our property, but my mother wants me to remain silent because she's worried they'll stop visiting us unless I keep my mouth shut.

I want to see Rhonda, but not at the cost of compromising my principles. And I am confused and hurt that even my mother doesn't seem to care how I feel about how unacceptable this behavior is in my own home. Am I being unfair? Help! -- SPINELESS IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR SPINELESS: Your mother is wrong. It is not "unfair" to set standards in your home to teach your children the difference between right and wrong. If you don't speak up, your sister will assume -- and rightly so -- that you have no objection to her using an illegal substance on your property. What happened last year was unfortunate. But if you stay silent and it happens again, you will have no one to blame but yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old girl and a freshman in high school. My relationship with my mother is very good. I can talk to her about everything and anything.

My problem is she won't allow me to date as long as I live under her roof. She says teenagers are too young to date. I have recently developed feelings for a boy in a few of my classes, but I am prevented from pursuing a relationship with him. I feel sad and empty because of this.

My mother has no reason to keep me from dating other than her belief that I'm too young. I am a good kid and get straight A's. Friends tell me to date behind her back, which I don't believe in. Mom is very stubborn, but so am I. Any thoughts, Abby? -- JERSEY GIRL

DEAR JERSEY GIRL: Yes. A parent who prevents her daughter from dating as long as she lives under her mother's roof and expects that when she moves out -- presumably at 18 -- she will automatically be prepared for the dating scene, is delusional.

If your mother prefers that you not date one-on-one at 15, she should consider allowing you to go out in groups, as many teens do these days. Enlist the help of an adult female relative or one of her friends to intercede for you, and perhaps she'll relent.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old girl and a freshman in high school. My relationship with my mother is very good. I can talk to her about everything and anything.

My problem is she won't allow me to date as long as I live under her roof. She says teenagers are too young to date. I have recently developed feelings for a boy in a few of my classes, but I am prevented from pursuing a relationship with him. I feel sad and empty because of this.

My mother has no reason to keep me from dating other than her belief that I'm too young. I am a good kid and get straight A's. Friends tell me to date behind her back, which I don't believe in. Mom is very stubborn, but so am I. Any thoughts, Abby? -- JERSEY GIRL

DEAR JERSEY GIRL: Yes. A parent who prevents her daughter from dating as long as she lives under her mother's roof and expects that when she moves out -- presumably at 18 -- she will automatically be prepared for the dating scene, is delusional.

If your mother prefers that you not date one-on-one at 15, she should consider allowing you to go out in groups, as many teens do these days. Enlist the help of an adult female relative or one of her friends to intercede for you, and perhaps she'll relent.

DEAR ABBY: I am 18, disabled, and work with a service dog. I would like to offer people a few tips on interacting with service dog owners. Perhaps it will lessen some of the daily frustrations all handlers deal with:

1. Not all service dogs are big dogs. I know several Chihuahuas who save their owners' lives every day with their medical alert tasks.

2. Not all disabilities are visible. Please don't ask, "What's wrong with you?" or, "What's your problem?"

3. There are many kinds of service dogs, not just guide dogs. Medical alert dogs help people with everything from epilepsy to diabetes to panic attacks. There are also autism service dogs, mobility dogs and hearing dogs.

4. Please do not pet my dog without asking me first. My dog wears a patch that says, "Do Not Pet." It's there for a reason. Abby, I can't count the number of people who read her patch out loud, then reach out to pet her anyway. Please do not take it personally if we say no.

5. If a dog's handler seems ill, it's OK -- even preferable -- to ask if we are all right. I once had an episode and no less than two dozen people walked right past me while I sat on the floor. Had I been diabetic, I could have died because no one stopped -- including two store managers. -- HOPING TO HELP IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR HOPING TO HELP: Thank you for an important letter. What many people fail to understand is that when an assistance dog is out in public, the animal is working and should not be distracted from its task -- which is ensuring the well-being of its owner.

Your last tip was the most important of all. Folks, I shouldn't have to tell you that if you see someone who appears to be in trouble, it takes only a moment to do the right thing and make sure the person gets the help he or she needs. And that includes calling 911 if it's merited.

DEAR ABBY: I am a widowed grandmother. Two of my son's children, ages 18 and 21, have never had much contact with me or my husband. I have mailed them gifts for their birthdays and holidays, never receiving a thank-you or a card or a call on my birthday. To keep the peace, I have kept sending -- but now I'm tired.

They used to live in Arizona, but now the older granddaughter, "Bethany," lives here in Florida, 40 miles from here. When she came with her parents to stay with me while house-hunting, she asked, "What are you going to give me for my birthday?" I did not respond.

After Bethany became established and settled, I called her on at least four separate occasions, leaving messages, all of which she has ignored. She claims she never received them. My birthday came and went -- no card or call from her. I feel I should do the same for her from now on. I would like your opinion so I can show it to my son. -- UNAPPRECIATED IN FLORIDA

DEAR UNAPPRECIATED: Here it is, and by all means, share it with your son. Bethany is the product of her upbringing. You were not a part of her childhood in Arizona, and she was never taught that good manners mean acknowledging gifts and returning phone calls.

She is no longer a child, and she was presumptuous to ask you what you would be giving her for her birthday. (You should have replied, "Malaria. Do you want it now?") If you choose to stop acting like a vending machine -- which is the way you are being treated -- you'll get no argument from me.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)