DEAR ABBY: A close friend in our social group, "Reed," has been in and out of rehab for alcohol problems. We have all been there to offer moral support anytime we can -- including him in golf outings, barbecues, etc.

The problem is he has started lecturing us about "the dangers of drinking." We are social drinkers and professional people. Some of us don't drink; others are "on call" and can't. So it isn't like we're lying around getting drunk as skunks.

Reed has no family here. We love him dearly and don't want to exclude him. But he's starting to make people feel uncomfortable. How should we handle this? -- NO LECTURES, PLEASE, IN FLORIDA

DEAR NO LECTURES, PLEASE: Reed is preaching with the fervor of the newly converted. Whoever is closest to him in your social group should tell him privately that his comments are making some of you uncomfortable and to please stop it -- or start spending more time with other teetotalers.

DEAR ABBY: I am a census worker and knock on doors to interview people who have not sent in their census forms. I am concerned that so many people are reluctant to participate in the census. Please help us get the word out.

A real census worker will never ask to come inside your house or any questions about personal finance or your employment. If you are not sure who is at your door, ask for the person's picture identification, such as a driver's license.

By now, everyone should have received a census form in the mail. The deadline was very important. Once the deadline passed, the addresses of all the non-respondents were turned over to us: the non-response follow-up team. In order to prevent someone from being counted twice, once the non-response follow-up list was compiled, the rest of the forms out there were no longer collected or counted.

If you mailed in your census questionnaire, but a census worker still shows up at your door, it is because your questionnaire was not received in time. So please bear with your enumerator because he or she has to interview you again. Please take a few minutes to make your voice heard because your participation is important. -- YOUR CENSUS WORKER

DEAR CENSUS WORKER: I'm glad to help spread the word.

Readers, taking the time to participate in the census is not only important, but it's also to your advantage. The census is how your representation in Congress is determined. And in addition, the census is used to determine how federal funds will be used to build hospitals, schools and highways in your community. And by the way, the census is mandated by the U.S. Constitution and has been conducted every 10 years since 1790!

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I went out to dinner with another couple. After finishing our meal, I offered our friend, "Elaine," a piece of gum. I handed her the box so she could remove the piece herself.

When she returned the box she said she had taken two pieces. I told her it wasn't right as I had offered her only one piece, which I believe is the correct serving. Elaine claimed I had no right to dictate her serving size. Was she right for "chewing me out" over this? -- MORE THAN I CAN SWALLOW, WAYNE, N.J.

DEAR MORE: After reading your letter, I took a random poll among my staff. Of those who had chewing gum with them, two-thirds had packages that indicated a serving is two pieces, while the rest read that a serving is only one piece. I don't think Elaine was wrong to defend herself after you attacked her, and before criticizing, you should have asked yourself if it was worth possibly gumming up a friendship.

DEAR ABBY: I hope you can settle this. I was ahead of my husband -- who was pushing the cart -- in a grocery store. I found a checkout line that was less busy than the others and got in line. By the time my husband caught up with me, another man was standing behind me, so my husband stood behind him. I signaled my husband to go around the guy so we could unload the cart, but he felt that the guy behind me should go first.

Abby, I did not race this guy to get there, and I felt my spouse could have said something like, "Excuse me, my wife is in front of you. Can I go around you?"

I ended up giving the stranger (whose cart was full) my place and left the line to find another one, and I am peeved. Am I wrong? I was already in line, so I think that should have counted even if my husband didn't get there before the other guy. This has become a huge bone of contention. -- FEET HURT AND TIRED

DEAR F, H AND T: Actually, I think you are wrong for expecting your husband to take the initiative when you could have done it. All you had to do was give the stranger a warm smile and say, "Excuse me, but the man behind you is my husband. Would you please let him in so we can check out and get the groceries paid for together?" Most people are courteous and would have agreed.

DEAR ABBY: May I address an issue that seems like a no-brainer, but apparently is not? I work in an insurance agency handling financial services. I can't believe how many people make appointments and don't show up.

Our agency offers excellent service -- after-hours and on weekends, as well as weekday appointments. When an appointment is made, we take it seriously. We don't cancel if it's inconvenient or we get a "better offer."

We don't work for free, but we can't charge you if you don't show up. If you can't make it, someone else could have your time slot. If you must cancel, please give us as much notice as possible. Let us know if you aren't coming. Some courtesy is in order here. I don't mind after-hours appointments, but I deeply resent being away from my family and having a client stand me up. Thank you for letting me get this point across for all insurance agency workers. -- TICKED OFF IN TEXAS

DEAR TICKED OFF: You're welcome. The common courtesy you're asking for should not be reserved for employees of insurance companies, but for everyone.

DEAR ABBY: I started dating a guy eight months ago. I'll call him Gordon. A few months back he told me there is a woman living with him. I happen to be very much in love with Gordon. Now I'm confused about why he even started seeing me if he's living with someone else.

Gordon is 58 and I am 39. He swears he loves me. Am I being naive to believe there is a future for us? -- TRUSTING IN FINDLAY, OHIO

DEAR TRUSTING: Not necessarily. The woman could be a relative or a platonic friend who is sharing expenses. Ask Gordon if the three of you can have dinner together -- perhaps at his place -- and find out for yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 17 and have been dating "Raymond" for two years. The thing that concerns me is we aren't supposed to be attracted to other people, but I think he is. During arguments he has thrown other girls in my face. That really hurt, and I can't get over it.

I think he's attracted to other girls, but he doesn't want me to be attracted to other guys. Can you please give me some advice? I'd really like to know what's going on inside his head. Are his eyes for me only? -- TEEN IN MERCED, CALIF.

DEAR TEEN: Probably not. It's normal for men -- and women, by the way -- of all ages to be attracted to people other than their mate. However, those with good character resist the urge to act on it.

Now for some advice: You became involved with Raymond at a very young age, which has prevented both of you from having the normal kinds of dating experiences that are supposed to happen in high school. If he is restless, it would be better for both of you to date others, at least for a while. If you are meant to be together, your relationship will stand the test of exposure to others.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Russ," and I have been married 13 years. During that time he has lost more than 15 jobs for various reasons -- tardiness, not performing up to par, etc. I finally was able to convince him to get tested when I noticed he was having difficulty paying attention. He was diagnosed with ADHD, and they said he has an IQ of about 80.

I am working on my doctorate. I hold a job with other wives whose husbands have "great jobs," and I sometimes don't know what to say about Russ. He's a good person, very loving and tries his best, but honestly, I do get frustrated and have a little bit of "husband envy."

Russ is 50 and we have no children. How do I come to grips with the fact that he may never be a provider? -- CHALLENGED IN NEW YORK

DEAR CHALLENGED: Your marriage has lasted 13 years, so Russ must be doing something right. Not all men are great financial providers, but most manage to make up for it in other ways.

I'll bet the other wives never say a word about their husbands' shortcomings during those chat fests. One way to come to grips with the fact that Russ may "never be a provider" would be to refrain from making comparisons when your co-workers start bragging about their spouses.

DEAR ABBY: Every time I turn on the radio or television, I hear "Call 1-800-THE-COMPANY." I know advertisers want listeners to remember them by their company name, and they think it's a clever reminder of their telephone number -- but it has become silly.

I have poor eyesight, and it's not an easy task trying to decipher those 800 numbers. Why can't they mention the number along with their cute little jingle? It would make contacting them a heck of a lot easier for people like me who happen to be ... BLIND AS A BAT IN COLORADO

DEAR BLIND AS A BAT: You make a good point. Foolish is the vendor who makes it difficult for prospective customers to make contact. It doesn't make sense to sacrifice the practical for the "cute," even though it's often tempting.