DEAR ABBY: My friends and neighbors thought I had the best husband, and our children thought he was the greatest dad. But on the day he died, I found out he had been having sex with another woman.

I went to visit him in the hospital and overheard the whole thing as he was talking to her. Abby, she was a prostitute. I knew money had been disappearing, but I never imagined anything like this.

Should I go on pretending to my adult children, or tell them the truth? They thought he was the best father in the whole world. Even though this happened more than five years ago, I continue to have nightmares over it. -- STILL HURTING IN BOSTON

DEAR HURTING: I see nothing positive to be gained by shattering your children's image of their father at this point. I'm sorry he failed you as a husband. However, for you to spend more of your life nursing hurt and disappointment is a waste of your precious time. Talk to your religious adviser or confide in a therapist. But do not bring this up with your children.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 76-year-old father of three sons and grandfather of five. The other night, I was dining out with my brother, one of my sons, his 31-year-old wife, and their two children, ages 5 and 2.

The server was standing next to me and the 5-year-old, poised to take our orders. My daughter-in-law was distracted by the 2-year-old, so I placed my order so the server would not be kept standing there.

My son chastised me for not waiting until his wife placed her order first. Embarrassed, I offered an apology. Was I wrong not to wait for my daughter-in-law to place her order? What would have been the proper thing to do? -- EMBARRASSED IN GARFIELD, N.J.

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Frankly, the "proper thing to do" in this case would have been for your son to save his criticism until he could talk to you privately, rather than embarrassing you in a public place. Ordinarily, the rule of thumb "ladies first" would apply when giving the dinner order. However, because your daughter-in-law was distracted, speaking up and telling the server what you wanted makes sense to me.

DEAR ABBY: The company where I work posted an ad online and at our state unemployment job board for a position that needed to be filled. The ad detailed simple but specific instructions that included asking applicants to write a cover letter to address certain questions. It also said -- in large letters: "YOU MUST FOLLOW THESE DIRECTIONS OR YOU WILL NOT BE CONSIDERED FOR EMPLOYMENT."

Of the 133 resumes we received, 76 did not contain the information that was requested. These applications were moved to an "Incomplete" file and not considered for hire. What's sad is that judging by their resumes alone, several of these applicants had the qualifications we were looking for.

With unemployment being what it is, I was surprised that the majority of the applicants did not comply with the simple instructions. Please advise your unemployed readers that a job is out there for them, but they must follow instructions. -- TRYING TO BE HELPFUL, TUMWATER, WASH.

DEAR TRYING TO BE HELPFUL: Consider it done. Now I'll offer another suggestion: Always proofread what you have written to ensure there are no spelling or transposition errors.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law is upset with my wife and me for sneaking out of a wedding reception early (before the dinner was served). There was a long delay between the reception and the dinner, and a DJ was playing loud, deafening rock 'n' roll music.

We were seated near a speaker and it was virtually impossible to carry on a conversation. My wife claimed a major headache to the guests seated at our table, and we discreetly left the reception.

My mother-in-law says if you accept the dinner invitation it is bad manners not to eat the dinner because it cost the hosts money. I say, if the reception has intolerable environmental factors inflicted on the guests, leaving early is acceptable. Were we rude to leave as we did? -- LOST MY APPETITE IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR LOST MY APPETITE: Let me put it this way -- your mother-in-law has a point. Because the music was so loud that you were uncomfortable, you should have asked your hosts to instruct the DJ to lower the volume somewhat. It would have been preferable to walking out.

DEAR ABBY: I'm the supervisor of a small office. One of my biggest challenges is scheduling time off for the female employees. In my day, you didn't take a day off unless you were very sick or your child was sick. Now they seem to want time off for everything from school events, sporting events, getting their nails done, their faces waxed or tanning appointments. I am amazed at the decline in work ethic.

As I read about the unemployment in our country, I would think people would be grateful to have a well-paying job with benefits -- but the recession hasn't slowed any of our female employees down one bit. What has happened to the old-fashioned work ethic that founded this country? (Maybe it went south along with the jobs?) And by the way, Abby, I am a female. -- TAKES MY JOB SERIOUSLY

DEAR TAKES: Most companies give employees time off for personal business and vacations, as well as time off for their own illnesses or the illness of family members. If they choose to use the time the way you have described, it is their right to do so. However, if they are taking more than the company offers, that could be a problem. While I understand your point, please try to be less judgmental.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I work and lead busy lives. The dinner table is the only place we can sit together with our son and have a relaxing conversation. My wife, however, goes off and eats by herself saying she can't wait -- even though dinner is almost ready. I have tried telling her I prefer family time, but she brushes me off or becomes angry. Any suggestions? -- HUNGRY FOR CONVERSATION

DEAR HUNGRY: Yes. If you want family dinners with your wife, you will have to find out -- and resolve -- what is eating her. Clear the air and you may find her less hungry for solitude.

A gentle reminder: Families sitting down and sharing meals together is a practice that is happening less and less, and it's a shame. Teachers tell me that students who eat with their parents usually earn better grades than those who eat in front of a television set or on the run.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I had to write regarding "Doc in Distress" (March 26), who allowed a critically wounded comrade to push him away so he could save others. I spent eight years as a combat medic in the Army. As hard as it is to hear, that person acted precisely as he was trained.

Training in mass casualty situations -- triage -- dictates that immediate care be given to those who are most likely to survive. Those who are identified as "expectant" are to be treated last. The purpose is to successfully treat the greatest number of people. Putting his energy into trying to save someone who would possibly die anyway could have resulted in even more fatalities.

Unfortunately, nothing anyone can say or do will reduce the guilt he feels. "Playing God" is never easy, and many medics have wondered if they would be able to do it. -- KIMBERLY IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR KIMBERLY: Thank you for writing. I have been flooded with mail from medics from all branches of the military, from World War II, Korea, Vietnam and the current combat zones, offering support for Doc. I wish I could print them all. Read on for a sample:

DEAR ABBY: I know his pain. I served in Iraq as a combat medic and watched friends die as I tried to help everyone I could. I still have nightmares and flashbacks. However, with treatment they are now under control.

I want Doc to understand that what he did was right. The soldier knew he was going to die no matter what was done. He gave his life for his team and his country. Doc needs to understand that this soldier's family is grieving and took it out on the person who just happened to be there.

I urge Doc to go to a mental health officer on base or to his local vet center for help. He can also call Military OneSource at (800) 342-9647. There are mental health people standing by 24/7 to help. -- A BROTHER MEDIC IN IOWA

DEAR ABBY: The family of that wounded soldier needs to know that his last act of courage probably saved more than one life that day by allowing Doc to move on and treat others who could be saved. They should salute their family member and the actions of the medic.

Historically, military medics go into major battles, generally unarmed, with one purpose: to save the lives of wounded soldiers. They have one of the highest per capita casualty rates in the armed forces. It takes a special person to go into a live battle like that. -- NAVY VETERAN IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR ABBY: I am an active duty member, and I would like to offer Doc my support and that of those I work with for his courage in performing his duty in a terrible situation. If I were to be lost in combat, I would want someone like him to be near. His caring for the family of that member is to be commended. They may not understand now, but in time they will come to realize that he did all he could for their son and appreciate that he brought the letter home.

Bravo Zulu, Doc! -- TRICIA IN GULFPORT, MISS.

DEAR ABBY: I am a stay-at-home mom from California with two beautiful children and no immediate family serving in the military. Except for watching the war on the evening news, my life is far removed from war.

Not a day goes by that I don't say a prayer of thanks to our men and women who serve in the military. Surviving war is hard enough without the added burden of guilt. I hope that one day Doc can find peace with his decision and know that America is proud of his service.

I want to take this opportunity to thank Doc and all of our armed forces. Without them, I would not be able to live a safe, comfortable life away from the horrors of war. -- A VERY GRATEFUL AMERICAN

DEAR READERS: On this Memorial Day, let us bless the spirits of those servicemen and women who have sacrificed their lives that we might live in freedom. -- LOVE, ABBY

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)