DEAR ABBY: As a nation, we Americans are at our best when we come together bonded by a noble purpose. It is my privilege to invite our citizens to unite for the National Moment of Remembrance at 3 p.m. (local time) tomorrow on Memorial Day, Monday, May 31. Our hope is that your readers will pause at that moment whether at a ballgame or barbecue, in the swimming pool or at the shopping mall, in respectful silence to honor America's fallen.

To unite the country in remembrance, Congress officially established the National Moment of Remembrance in 2000. And as has been done in the past, in observance of this National Moment, Major League Baseball games will stop, Amtrak trains will blow their whistles and the National Grocers Association and Food Marketing Institute will have customers and staff pause in more than 30,000 stores throughout our country.

Abby, your patriotism and compassion, united with that of your millions of readers, have helped us -- and continue to help us -- unite our country in remembrance of our fallen on Memorial Day.

We must ensure that their lives, their deaths and the memory of their sacrifice will never be forgotten. So let us stop for a moment at 3:00 (local time) tomorrow and commit to live honoring America's fallen every day that we breathe the fresh air of freedom in our land of hope and promise. -- CARMELLA LA SPADA, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, WHITE HOUSE COMMISSION ON REMEMBRANCE

DEAR CARMELLA: Thank you for your beautiful letter. I accept your kind invitation on behalf of myself and Dear Abby readers everywhere. This act of unity on Memorial Day will be a time of respect, reflection and commitment in memory of the almost 2 million men and women who have died in the service of our nation. Their sacrifices for us live on in each constitutional right we practice, and in our hearts always.

DEAR ABBY: I am 14 and will attend a private high school in the fall. Both of my sisters were star athletes at the same school. I am gifted in both academics and athletics, and I'll be taking two honors classes.

My dad recently pointed out that I am required to play a sport. I believe if I do, I will be too stressed out and my grades will slip. He wants me to be this "super child" that I am not and go to Harvard. Everyone who knows me overestimates me. How should I approach him to tell him how I really feel? -- PUSHED TO MY LIMITS IN ALBUQUERQUE

DEAR PUSHED: If you're unsure about your ability to carry the load, approach your father as you have approached me. However, before you do, I wish you would take into consideration that participating in a sport can be an effective way of releasing stress -- including academic pressure. If sports are a requirement at your school, there is a good reason for it. So please, at least give it a try. If it's too much for you, talk to your parents, as well as your counselor at school.

P.S. As to "everyone who knows you overestimating you," has it occurred to you that you may be UNDERestimating yourself?

DEAR ABBY: I'm an "A" student, but my boyfriend, "Rory," has a difficult time in school, so he often comes over for help. We work at the computer in the room my sister and I share so she listens to everything we discuss. She says we are cheating because I'm doing most of his homework for him.

I don't give Rory the answers to questions, but I do give him "hints" and tell him where he's likely to find the answers in the textbooks. I always check that the answers are correct. With his math homework, I tell him each step he needs to take, but he actually does the math himself and then I check for accuracy. If he needs to write an essay, I suggest what he might want to write and help him with some of the edits.

My sister thinks what I do goes far beyond help, and that I'm enabling him to cheat. She feels that while it may help his grades now, I am doing him no favors in the long run. We had a big argument over this. I don't think it's any of her business. I'd really appreciate your opinion. -- HELPING OR CHEATING? SACRAMENTO, CALIF.

DEAR HELPING: Thank you for asking. I'm sure you care deeply for Rory, but sometimes -- with the best of intentions -- a person can do too much. When you suggest topics for your boyfriend's essays, then edit them so the teacher won't see where he needs to strengthen his English skills, what you're really doing is preventing him from learning how to properly spell or construct a sentence. And when you're no longer around to be his filter, it's going to become apparent.

The same goes for math. If you tell Rory what steps to take to solve his math problems, he won't master the concepts or memorize the formulas. Heaven help him if he plans to take a college entrance exam!

While the argument you had with your sister was regrettable, please try not to be so defensive. She was trying to tell you something important, and it couldn't hurt to really listen.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year-old girl in junior high. I am very shy and self-conscious. When I see skinny girls, I look at myself and feel embarrassed or ashamed. I have a lot of friends who support me. They say I shouldn't worry about my weight and that I don't need to lose any more.

I would like some words of encouragement from you. It seems like nothing can stop the way I feel. I have a boyfriend, but our relationship is long-distance. We talk online and he is as supportive as he can be, but I still feel self-conscious. Please help me with this. -- TEEN IN NEED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR TEEN: The harder we stare at our imagined flaws, the bigger they become. So please stop constantly comparing yourself to others. It's a depressing waste of time. Very few people are completely confident and self-assured at 13, and there are more important qualities to focus on in life than whatever happens to be the ideal of physical perfection at the moment. Your time would be better spent developing qualities that not only make you special, but also will last a lifetime -- your personality, your intellect and your talents.

So listen to what your friends and your boyfriend are telling you. Spend a few minutes every day reminding yourself of all the things you have going for you and the special qualities you have to offer. If you do you'll have less time to dwell on the negative.

DEAR ABBY: I work with a woman who constantly tells me how much she has -- a condo in Florida, a timeshare in the Virgin Islands, her portfolio, the expensive ring her husband bought her and what she spends on wedding/holiday gifts. She even told me about how much she used to make at her previous job.

As a struggling single parent, I find it insensitive. How do I deal with this? Is it about my own inadequacies? She is otherwise a seemingly nice lady. My boyfriend says I need to just "get over it." What do you think? -- "PENNY LESS" IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR "PENNY LESS": This woman's constant need to talk about how much she has is less about your "inadequacies" than about her own. People who are happy, secure and socially sensitive don't usually feel a compulsion to brag about what they have. Once you understand that fact, you may feel less inadequate around her. But if that isn't the case, resolve to spend more of your time with people who talk about ideas and things you have in common, and less with her.

DEAR ABBY: My mother was physically and verbally abusive to my sister and me when we were kids and teenagers. Mom had a short fuse. She'd slap us if we accidentally dropped a piece of spaghetti or scuffed our shoes. If she thought we were talking back, she'd really lose it and things would get ugly.

My sister is a mother herself now, and her kids are brats. I know it's because she doesn't want to be strict or abusive to them like our mother was to us.

I am engaged and thinking about a family of my own someday. I don't know how to discipline children or how to correct their bad behavior without becoming abusive. How can I treat my children with kindness, but still have them behave well and be respectful? -- WANTS TO END THE CYCLE

DEAR WANTS: Contrary to popular belief, not everyone is born with the instinctive ability to be a good parent. Parenting is a skill, and like most skills, effective parenting has to be learned. Because you come from a dysfunctional home, a way to ensure that you won't repeat the pattern of abuse would be to enroll in parenting classes and learn about child development. Contact your state department of education, local junior college or hospital and ask if these courses are offered or if they know where you can find them.

DEAR ABBY: Last year, when I was a freshman in college, my boyfriend, "Charles," accidentally broke my laptop by closing it on a little bouncy ball. I paid the $800 to have it repaired even though he was the one who broke it because I had the money and he had none. He said he'd pay me back, but it has been a year and I have yet to see any of that money.

As a German major, I am required to study in Germany next year and I am strapped for cash. I have reminded Charles about my laptop and he says he'll repay me, but I know he's still in a bad place financially.

Am I wrong to ask for the entire $800 or should I ask for half the amount? Or should I just forget it since it was an accident? I could use some good advice. -- FRAUGHT FRAULEIN

DEAR FRAULEIN: You can ask for whatever amount you wish, but whether you'll get a penny is up for grabs. It appears Charles is immature. He should have repaid you even if it meant taking a part-time job. You're a smart girl. Chalk this up to tuition in the school of experience, and recognize that your boyfriend can't be counted on -- for anything.