DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with my college boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. We have had our share of struggles, but worked through most of them over time.

Lately, our polar opposite political views have driven a wedge between us. I feel we are losing respect for each other as well as our sense of intimacy and love.

How can we learn to have a mutual respect for our different political opinions while not compromising what each truly believes? -- RIDING A SEESAW IN MIAMI

DEAR RIDING A SEESAW: Begin by accepting that not all couples are in lockstep when it comes to their political beliefs. It is easier when you have respect for each other in other areas of your relationship. Then remember that when it comes to voting, individuals are not joined at the hip. And if that doesn't work, follow the example set by James Carville and Mary Matalin, a high-profile, politically disparate couple whose differences haven't driven them apart.

DEAR ABBY: Every time I go out with a man who says he wants a woman who treats him well and doesn't play around, I get burned. I'm not a game player, and I end up tripping over my feelings every single time. I give every guy the benefit of the doubt, and I'm the one who is always disappointed! At 29, I am contemplating life with eight cats and a set of knitting needles because I have finally had it with dating. Aren't there any men who actually mean what they say anymore? -- STEPHANIE IN HOUSTON

DEAR STEPHANIE: I'm tempted to say no, that all the good ones are married off -- but it wouldn't be true. So here's what I'm recommending: Start asking your friends of both sexes what you may be doing to attract men who hurt you or flake out. When a woman is repeatedly hurt because she gives every guy "the benefit of the doubt," it's because she's attracting the wrong people.

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago my husband and I took in a family member's infant daughter until a time when her mother could get back on her feet. That time never came, and we went through the process of adoption. We have been a happy family ever since.

I am now pregnant for the first time. Several friends and relatives have offered to throw us a shower. I am unsure of the proper etiquette since this is our second child (but our first biological child). My husband and I don't want to seem to be asking for anything, especially if having a shower for a second baby is considered improper. But we have never had a chance to experience the fun side of a pregnancy. I would appreciate your thoughts. -- FIRST-TIME PREGNANT, SECOND-TIME MOM

DEAR FIRST-TIME PREGNANT: I see no reason why there shouldn't be a shower for your baby. It's a lovely way to celebrate the new life you are bringing into the world. However, according to Emily Post: "Mothers and sisters of the mother-to-be should NOT give the shower. Naturally, mothers and sisters should be invited, but as with any other gift-giving event, they should not initiate an invitation that bears an obligation on the part of the recipient to provide a present to direct relatives."

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago my husband and I took in a family member's infant daughter until a time when her mother could get back on her feet. That time never came, and we went through the process of adoption. We have been a happy family ever since.

I am now pregnant for the first time. Several friends and relatives have offered to throw us a shower. I am unsure of the proper etiquette since this is our second child (but our first biological child). My husband and I don't want to seem to be asking for anything, especially if having a shower for a second baby is considered improper. But we have never had a chance to experience the fun side of a pregnancy. I would appreciate your thoughts. -- FIRST-TIME PREGNANT, SECOND-TIME MOM

DEAR FIRST-TIME PREGNANT: I see no reason why there shouldn't be a shower for your baby. It's a lovely way to celebrate the new life you are bringing into the world. However, according to Emily Post: "Mothers and sisters of the mother-to-be should NOT give the shower. Naturally, mothers and sisters should be invited, but as with any other gift-giving event, they should not initiate an invitation that bears an obligation on the part of the recipient to provide a present to direct relatives."

DEAR ABBY: I'm an athletic, youthful-looking 58, and my son, "Barry," is 24. We go out alone for dinner quite often because my husband (Barry's father) doesn't enjoy eating in restaurants. My problem is the angry stares my son and I get from younger -- and older -- women who mistake me for a "cougar" out on a date with my "cub."

The other night when I left our table to use the restroom, a woman approached Barry, told him he was "disgusting," and asked, "Why don't you date girls your own age?" He informed her that I was his mother, but even if I wasn't, it was none of her business. Another time, a girl Barry's age asked him why he was out with "an old hag" and said, "How can you want her over me?" This happens every time we go out.

I dress well and look like I could be in my 40s, but I have to wonder about the rudeness and ignorance of someone insulting my son without knowing the circumstances of the situation. Some of them refused to believe the truth even after Barry told them.

Interestingly, young men who have commented thought it was "awesome" that Barry could be out with a cougar. It's only the females who have a problem with us. Can you comment on this? -- HAPPILY MARRIED MOM IN OHIO

DEAR MOM: Some thoughts do come to mind: Women who are happy in their personal lives don't approach strangers with snide remarks like those you have repeated. The women were rude, presumptuous, probably envious -- and I'll bet they were also alone, because it's hard to imagine a woman with a date doing something so outrageous.

I'm not surprised that younger men might think it was "awesome" that your son could be out with a cougar. When the subject was raised in my column, the men who commented said what attracted them to older women was that they are confident, relaxed, comfortable with themselves and fun to be around -- while younger women didn't bother to be subtle about their preference for men with money.

And one more thing: You must be quite a knockout to attract the kind of attention you're getting.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 19-year-old guy who doesn't know what I want to do with my life. I know I'm still young and shouldn't stress out about what my career in life will be, but nothing seems to interest me. I don't want to be a doctor or an astronomer like some do. I can't cook or play any instruments, and I'm not very good with numbers. I have thought of hundreds of careers -- and I hate them all.

I don't want to do something I will hate for the rest of my life, but I'm afraid that's what will happen. I have been to three different counselors and none was able to help me. I'm hoping you can offer me some advice. -- HOPELESS IN CHANDLER, ARIZ.

DEAR HOPELESS: You aren't the first person to panic because he (or she) is afraid of being stuck in a career slot that doesn't fit. The good news is one of the realities of today's workplace is that in many cases, jobs no longer last a lifetime. Workers can expect to change jobs and be retrained several times -- or more -- during their working years. I hope this relieves some of your anxiety.

Although you have decided what jobs do not interest you, nowhere have you mentioned any areas in which you excel. For that reason I'm advising you to go to your nearest community college career counseling center and ask to take some aptitude tests. People usually enjoy doing something they're good at.

DEAR ABBY: I can empathize with "Deeply Hurt in Arizona" (March 16), who travels back to her hometown to see her large extended family and struggles to make time for her longtime friend "Judith," who nonetheless feels slighted.

My husband and I grew up in the Northeast but now live out of state. We have flown hundreds of miles with our children to visit our families back there. Once we arrived, it seemed we were expected to continue traveling from town to town to do all the visiting. It became very stressful.

These people made little effort to visit us in our state or even come to our "base" while we were in their area. While "Hurt" visits her elderly parents, Judith appears to be sitting around waiting for her and making little effort. Why doesn't Judith go to the parents' home? Or, better yet, have a girls' weekend in Arizona or somewhere in between?

We have gotten past our irritation with family and friends and do two things: 1. We tell people in advance when we're coming so they can make plans. Groups -- especially friends -- can double up, and see us and see each other. 2. We use our time the way we want and not the way we feel we are obligated to.

"Hurt" should urge Judith to try to come to her. The road goes both ways. -- WORKED IT OUT IN ALPHARETTA, GA.

DEAR WORKED IT OUT: Thank you for writing. The scenario in "Hurt's" letter hit a nerve with a number of readers. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: When my kids visit from out of state, I have an open house so the family can come to one place and spend time with them. This gives my kids more time to visit with me and any special friends they may want to see. It also lessens the guilt of not being able to see everyone. This has worked well for us, and now the family expects me to do it every time the kids come back. -- DIANA IN OHIO

DEAR ABBY: I agree that Judith is selfish and immature. I have friends all over the U.S., and when they come to visit, I understand that most of their time will be spent with family.

Judith needs to grow up and realize that not everything revolves around her. Instead of complaining about the lack of time "Hurt" has for her, Judith should make the most of the time she does get to spend. -- SHELLIE IN INDIANA

DEAR ABBY: There may be a crisis in Judith's life that she is displacing onto "Hurt." When the emotions around that crisis calm, she will need her old friend. Is there anyone in town who could find out what is going on?

I knew a woman who cut everyone out of her life in a rage after the betrayal of an assault by a loved one. Another person did the same thing after a cancer diagnosis. Once the shock faded and they began to deal with their issues, they confided in their old friends about what was really happening and were able to reconnect. -- SUSAN IN CENTERVILLE, OHIO

DEAR ABBY: Our family moved two hours away to make a better life for our kids. With a newborn in tow, we spent the entire first summer traveling home to visit family and friends.

My best friend came to see us once in the first year after our move. Recently she told me that because I moved away, we no longer have anything in common and that "maybe we would cross paths again -- someday."

It hit me like a ton of bricks, but I have chosen to move on. If our paths were meant to cross again, they would not have split in the first place. -- ANGELA IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR ABBY: Was the only time Judith heard from "Hurt" when she had a few precious moments for Judith? If one person has to do all the communicating, perhaps it isn't a true friendship -- and that is what Judith was trying to say.

The art of communication and caring is dying. Hey, folks: Friendship is a two-way street. -- BEEN THERE, TOO, IN PENNSYLVANIA