life

Boss's Hint of Cover Up Means It's Time to Leave

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 14th, 2010 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I overheard my boss talking about something that sounded like a cover-up for an "accident" involving some people he doesn't like. I would like to report him to the police, but he knows I heard him and I'm afraid if the police question him, my little girl or I could wind up having an "accident," too.

What should I do? Several people are already in the hospital. -- WORRIED SICK

DEAR WORRIED: Because you are afraid you or your child could be in danger, find another job and put as much distance between you and your sociopathic boss as possible. And, as "insurance," discuss not only what you heard -- but also your concerns -- with your religious adviser before contacting the authorities "confidentially." All it takes for evil to flourish is for men (and women) of good conscience to remain silent.

life

Dear Abby for May 14, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 14th, 2010 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my wife, "Leigh," for seven years. We have two sons, ages 4 and 2. I love Leigh and our sons very much.

Over the years I became increasingly dependent on drinking (beer). I have never been abusive, but Leigh expressed concern about it. I didn't think the problem was anything we couldn't deal with.

A little over a year ago, Leigh's mother died of cancer. It has been an extremely emotional time for her, and she has now decided she can no longer tolerate my behavior. She's not even sure she's in love with me anymore.

Hearing her say it made me realize how big a deal my drinking is, and I am committed to changing. But after a month of trying, Leigh still says she would be better off alone. She is starting counseling soon. I told her I'd go with her.

This is a painful period for us, and I can't imagine my life without her and the kids. Is it too late? -- SCARED SOBER IN AUSTIN

DEAR SCARED: That remains to be seen. One month of sobriety isn't enough to make up for years of being emotionally absent because you had a "buzz" going. Counseling may help you both, but you need more than that. If you are sincere about kicking the habit, you will join an alcohol rehab program. A listing for Alcoholics Anonymous is as near as your telephone directory -- and so is Al-Anon, which could help your wife, who may still be grieving the loss of her mother.

life

Dear Abby for May 14, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 14th, 2010 | Letter 3 of 3
life

Man's Shame Over Infidelity Prompts Thoughts of Suicide

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 13th, 2010 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been married 19 years to a beautiful, accomplished woman. We have two wonderful children. I fooled around throughout my marriage because I could. I justified it by telling myself the women knew what they were doing, and I never made any false promises about leaving my wife. She suspected a couple of times, but always gave me the benefit of the doubt.

My last affair ended publicly with every gory detail exposed. My family, work, reputation -- everything that mattered to me -- have been destroyed. I can't talk about any of it to a therapist because I am so ashamed. Friends, family and co-workers now shun me. I have hit rock bottom.

If you have a hopeful solution, please share it. Otherwise, please print this as a warning to other men like me that when they hit bottom -- as will surely happen -- there's nowhere to turn. I want to end my life. -- SHATTERED IN LOUISIANA

DEAR SHATTERED: I understand this experience has been painful for all concerned, but stop focusing only about yourself and your pain. Suicide may seem like a solution to your problems, but your children need you alive and functional -- and their needs must take precedence.

Find a therapist -- someone you can relate to, and feel safe enough with to discuss everything that has happened from the beginning.

There is life after divorce. And, as many celebrities can attest, there is also life after public embarrassment and career setbacks. So straighten your backbone and keep marching forward. While it may not seem like it right now, there are better days ahead.

life

Dear Abby for May 13, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 13th, 2010 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My mother and I rarely get along -- mainly because she thinks she's fabulous and I don't. I'm in my 30s, married with a child and have a career. I am tired of riding an emotional roller coaster with Mother.

She is planning her next visit and I don't want her to come. Her visits end up lasting a week or more, and her conversation consists of complaining, making snide comments about my house and how I am raising my child (under the guise of being "helpful"), and then whining because I don't have the time or desire to entertain or placate her.

Can you tell me how to tell her that visits to my house are no longer welcomed? -- DONE WITH THE DRAMA

DEAR DONE: When your mother raises the subject of her visit, tell her that she would be more comfortable staying at a hotel when she comes and so would you. That way you can control the amount of time you spend together. Offer to split the cost with her, then pray she agrees.

life

Dear Abby for May 13, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 13th, 2010 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Here's a new one for you. A group of friends and I are frequent customers on some of the home shopping channels. When we buy jewelry it arrives in a gift case or box. We hate to throw them away. Any ideas on how we can donate or recycle those gift boxes? -- DIANA IN LAKEWOOD, CALIF.

DEAR DIANA: Depending upon how you store your jewelry, you could keep the items in their presentation boxes in a drawer with the tops open, so the drawer becomes a large jewelry box and they don't become scratched. Or, save the boxes and reuse them when giving small gifts at Christmas or on birthdays. If you know of any people or groups who make jewelry or other crafts, offer the boxes to them. Otherwise, (sob!) it's off to the landfill.

life

Pecan Pie Takes the Cake at Events Large and Small

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 12th, 2010

DEAR ABBY: Years ago you published your recipe for Abby's Famous Pecan Pie. I cut it out and made it often because it was the best pecan pie I ever tasted.

Somehow I have misplaced my recipe. I have come across other ones, but not yours. Would you be so kind as to reprint it in your column? I have committed to bringing a couple of pies to an upcoming event. It would mean a lot to me to be able to use it again. I know everyone who tastes it will agree that it's the best they have ever eaten. -- RUBY IN LAKEWOOD, WASH.

DEAR RUBY: I have no doubt that they will. Years ago, a male reader informed me that a festival had been held in his community, part of which was a pie baking contest. "To the delight of my wife and friends," he wrote, "and the chagrin of the other contestants -- all women -- I took first prize." The recipe he had used was one my mother, Pauline Phillips, had printed in this column.

My mother had a notorious sweet tooth and had discovered the pie while a guest at the Phoenix Hotel in Lexington, Ky. (The hotel has since been demolished.) The recipe had been created by the hotel's pastry chef, who kindly shared it with her. Because one good turn deserves another -- here it is:

ABBY'S FAMOUS PECAN PIE

9-inch unbaked pie crust

1 cup light corn syrup

1 cup firmly packed dark brown sugar

3 eggs, slightly beaten

1/3 cup butter, melted

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 heaping cup pecan halves

1. Heat oven to 350 degrees.

2. In a large bowl, combine corn syrup, sugar, eggs, butter, salt and vanilla; mix well. Pour into unbaked pie crust; sprinkle with pecan halves.

3. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 to 50 minutes or until center is set. (Toothpick inserted in center will come out clean when pie is done.) If the crust or pie appears to be getting too brown, cover with foil for the remaining baking time. Cool.

You can top with a bit of whipped cream, but even plain, nothing tops this!

Readers, this recipe is included in my set of cookbooklets, which contains more than 100 mouthwatering recipes for soups, salads, appetizers, main courses and desserts. Some readers have told me they used them to host Dear Abby-themed dinner parties. The set can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

TIP: The original recipe stated that the pie should be baked 45 to 50 minutes in a preheated 350-degree gas oven. If an electric oven is used, it may be necessary to add 15 to 20 minutes to the baking time. (Begin testing the pie with a toothpick after 45 minutes.) Enjoy!

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