DEAR ABBY: I am writing about the letter from "Afraid to Be Alone" (Feb. 15), who is moving to a new state and has no family except for her husband. As a teacher of health policy and administration, I agree that she shouldn't be overanxious about her future to the point of distraction.

There are concrete steps she and her husband can take to protect themselves and have some security as they age. These include purchasing long-term care insurance, creating a living will and medical power of attorney, and communicating their wishes about heroic measures should either of them ever face that decision.

They should also look into moving to a continuing care retirement community (CCRC), most of which have differing levels of care -- from assisted living to nursing home care -- with guaranteed access to its members. These are just a few of the steps "Afraid" could take now to give herself some peace of mind. -- CHRIS IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR CHRIS: Thank you for your helpful suggestions. Like you, many readers were quick to offer reassurance to "Afraid." Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I allayed our own fears by choosing to live in a community with close neighbors and many activities. Avoiding isolation is what is important. Knowing what caregiving and other support services are available also helps, whether or not they are needed right now. "Afraid's" thoughts of death, if frequent, could be a symptom of depression and should be evaluated by a doctor if they persist. -- HAPPY TO BE ALONE

DEAR ABBY: "Afraid" should take stock of her life now, and consider her interests and hobbies. Gardening, art, reading, clubs, sewing, shopping, theater, antiquing or volunteering are all possibilities for her future if the need or interest arises. Since she is worried now, she should make sure that wherever she moves accommodates these needs later in life. It's never too early to become prepared.

Last, but not least, the right pet can go a long way toward providing company and comfort. As soon as I walk in the door, I yell to my cat, "I'm home!" -- DEFINITELY NOT LONELY IN KENTUCKY

DEAR ABBY: Where are "Afraid's" current friends? Moving means nothing to true friends. My mother kept in touch with her childhood friends until her death in her 70s -- and they were spread all over the country.

Like "Afraid" I am an only child, plus I have never been married. I have a few faithful friends from high school and college who are there for me regardless of their location. I, too, would drop anything to be there for them. They mean everything to me, and I know our relationships will continue through our old age. -- GRATEFUL FOR MY FRIENDS

DEAR ABBY: You advised "Afraid" to join church and social groups. I would like to add that if she enjoys children and young adults, she should get to know her neighbors, and volunteer at the library, hospital, school or scout troop in her new area.

Children thrive on the love and stories of "grandparents" -- and they benefit from the wisdom and experience. These friendships often extend into the home, offering the joy and belonging of family. You are never alone with "family" around you. -- NANA TO ALL, IN VIRGINIA

DEAR ABBY: I suggest she look for the "learning in retirement" programs available. We joined one at a university four years ago when we moved to Greenville, S.C., and have met some wonderful people. -- CAROL K.

DEAR ABBY: We, too, spent the first 30 years of our marriage feeling like the only childless couple in the world. Then we moved to an age-restricted community. We have never been happier. Many of our new friends also have no children, and we no longer worry about aging alone. -- KAREN IN HENDERSON, NEV.

DEAR ABBY: It has been eight years since my boyfriend, "Grant," filed taxes. His refusal to file a tax return has caused many arguments between us.

Grant's parents got wind of it one year and gave him money to pay them off, but he spent the money to pay other bills. Grant is an only child. His parents often bail him out financially. This has begun to gnaw at me because I'm at the point where I'm thinking about marriage and children. I know we can't be married until he takes care of his tax problem.

How serious is it not paying your taxes? Is this something I should just ignore? I couldn't pay the bills if he was put in jail. Will this 30-something only child ever grow up? -- APRIL 15-PHOBIC

DEAR PHOBIC: According to the National Association of Enrolled Agents (NAEA), a professional society of federally licensed tax practitioners, failing to file your taxes is worse than failing to pay. By not filing, your boyfriend runs the risk of paying not only the taxes he owes, but penalties and interest as well.

You need to tell Grant he can get help from an enrolled agent to guide him through the process of filing back returns and, if necessary, setting up a payment schedule with the IRS. He can locate one in his area by accessing the NAEA Web site, www.naea.org. If he doesn't have access to a computer, his local library can help him.

More than 10,000 enrolled agents are listed. Because they are the only tax specialists licensed to practice before the IRS, Grant can be assured the matter will be handled confidentially in the most competent way.

You should not ignore Grant's behavior. Protect yourself tax-wise by filing your return separately from his until the matter is settled. Should you decide to marry him, file as "married, filing separately" so your incomes (at least in the eyes of the IRS) won't be viewed as one entity. Use the same enrolled agent or find one for yourself.

Do check out this reputable organization. Don't wait for your boyfriend to grow up to do it because at the rate he's maturing, that may never happen.

DEAR ABBY: My son "Matt" is a junior in high school. He says he's not attending the junior/senior prom this year because he doesn't have anyone special to go with.

I tried to explain that his date doesn't have to be a "girlfriend," that she can just be a friend. I told him he could also go with a bunch of guys who don't have dates.

I know later on in life Matt will regret not having gone to the prom, and I'm sad about his decision. Should I make him go even though he doesn't want to, hoping he has a good time when he gets there? Or should I drop the issue and respect his wishes even if he's making a mistake? Matt is 17 and not particularly social, and I think that's why he doesn't want to go. -- ENCOURAGING MOM

DEAR MOM: There is a fine line that separates an encouraging mom from a mom who is overbearing. Your son is only a junior, and will have a chance next year to change his mind and attend the prom as a senior. Frankly, I have never had a man write me or tell me that looking back on his high school years he regretted missing a dance. A game, perhaps -- but never a dance.

DEAR ABBY: I bought a used car with a navigation system last week and noticed that the previous owner's information was still embedded in the system. Abby, I had that man's home address, the addresses of his friends, his bank, his workplace -- every place he had gone.

Please inform your readers that if they sell a car with a navigation system, they should first delete all of their information. Car dealerships should also be aware of this and, perhaps, erase the information from the system as part of their vehicle inspection. -- JENNIFER IN LEE'S SUMMIT, MO.

DEAR JENNIFER: Your letter raised some eyebrows among me and my staff, so we canvassed some of the used car dealerships in the Los Angeles area. They're already aware of it. Those we spoke to stated that they are not legally required to delete information from a navigation system, and all agreed that the seller is responsible for removing the information before selling the car.

I am sure many readers will thank you for the warning.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 18 and a senior in high school. I do not drink and don't plan on drinking when prom time comes around. My problem is, I'm not sure whether or not my date will want to. I don't want to be around alcohol, and I especially do not want to have a drunk date I have to sober up before I can take her home, which might upset her parents if it's after curfew.

So how do I find out if my potential prom date is a drinker before I ask her to the prom? -- DOESN'T DRINK IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR DOESN'T DRINK: I assume you won't be inviting a total stranger. Start talking with some of the girls you're considering inviting and ask them how they feel about drinking alcohol. Or, let them know how you feel about drinking, and that you don't like hanging around with people who do.

P.S. If you do find yourself with a girl who gets drunk, you should have no hesitation about returning her to her parents in that condition. And if you get any grief, point out that you are cold sober and their daughter imbibed against your wishes, too. Then let them deal with her.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my girlfriend for a couple of years. During this time I have become increasingly convinced that if I were ever to leave her, she would kill herself.

I love her, but the thought that I couldn't ever leave her without her killing herself is not pleasant. She doesn't have many friends she can rely on. I always tell her how pleased I am when she hangs out with friends without me, because she doesn't do it often enough.

What do I do when the girl I love makes serious threats of suicide if I were ever to break up with her? -- HOSTAGE IN TEXAS

DEAR HOSTAGE: Here's what you do: Tell her that what she is saying is crazy thinking, and that if she's being serious she needs to discuss her hyper-dependence with a mental health professional. You should also tell her that unless she does so immediately, your relationship with her is on borrowed time. Your signature speaks volumes, because as long as this woman can subject you to emotional blackmail -- and that's what she is doing -- you are, indeed, her hostage.