life

Students Making Campus Visit Should Come Prepared

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 10th, 2010 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: This is a time when high school seniors visit prospective colleges. Could you please convey the following suggestions to them?

1. Wear comfortable shoes. You will be doing an awful lot of walking.

2. Come prepared for the weather. Twelve hundred people attended a recruiting session today, and at least one-fourth of them did not come with umbrellas. A thunderstorm began at 4:00 p.m., and they wondered why we didn't provide umbrellas!

3. Come with a list of questions and bring something to write on, plus a tote bag to carry any materials you receive.

4. Read the materials you were sent. If they say check-in begins at 8:00 a.m., then plan to be there at 8:00 a.m.

5. You will be receiving a lot of information, so you should plan on making a return trip to the two or three institutions you visited that you liked the most.

6. We will show you one or two residence hall rooms. We cannot show you all of the halls. In order to inspect them all, you will need to come on a Residence Hall Open House day.

Thank you, Abby. -- DEBBIE IN ADMISSIONS

DEAR DEBBIE: On the contrary -- thank YOU for a "tip sheet" every college-bound senior should see. Better to be prepared than be without.

life

Dear Abby for April 10, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 10th, 2010 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a junior in high school, and I'm worried about my friend, "Elizabeth." She has always been a Type-A overachiever, but for the past year and a half, she has been more stressed than usual.

School consumes Elizabeth, but not in a good way. She stays up until 3 a.m. cramming for tests even though she studies for several days before. She gets angry and depressed when she doesn't get an A on an assignment. She puts a lot of pressure on herself, and her parents don't seem to recognize it.

My friend doesn't sleep much and eats very little. At first, I told myself that I was overreacting by worrying about her. However, last night she was hospitalized for exhaustion and anemia. She's fine now, but the stress and unhealthy habits have caught up with her. I'm afraid she'll go right back to her detrimental lifestyle.

I believe Elizabeth needs help and I'm thinking of talking to a guidance counselor. What should I do, Abby? -- DISTRESSED IN KANSAS CITY

DEAR DISTRESSED: You are a good and caring friend. Talk to the guidance counselor. Your friend's sleeplessness, stress, anemia and poor diet may come from more than pressuring herself to achieve good grades. She may need professional help -- and the guidance counselor may be able to see that she gets it.

life

Dear Abby for April 10, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 10th, 2010 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I work in a pharmacy. Every day people try to hand me their cell phones to talk to their family members, doctors or insurance company.

I will NOT touch their filthy, germy phones. If I did, I'd be risking my own health! What is a polite response? -- HOLD THE PHONE IN ARIZONA

DEAR HOLD THE PHONE: A polite response would be: "Does your phone have a speaker feature? If so, please turn it on. If not, then please have your family member, doctor or insurance company contact the pharmacy, and someone will be glad to help them."

life

Grandma's Late Nights Take Their Toll on Her Grandkids

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 9th, 2010 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My sister "Carole's" husband died a year ago, and her oldest daughter passed away four months later. Carole now has her daughter's two oldest children, ages 10 and 14.

Carole has been going out with men she meets on the Internet, drinking and partying on weekends and neglecting the kids. The 10-year-old had been receiving psychological help since before her mom died and was on medication, but Carole has dropped all of this help for the child. The girl had been molested by a relative years ago, and now with her mother gone, she's not moving forward in school or in life.

Some of us are willing to take the children from her. She seems not to care what happens to them. She devotes all her attention to the next guy she can be with. She has left the kids alone all night when she was spending the night with men. I'm not supposed to know this, but my adult niece found out from the kids. What can our family do to bring Carole back to earth and help these kids? -- DEEPLY CONCERNED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR DEEPLY CONCERNED: Bringing Carole back to earth and helping the kids may be two separate issues -- and you may not be able to accomplish both. It is possible that Carole would be open to others in the family taking in the children if you approach her as a group and "sympathetically" offer her that option. Explain that you all can see the stress she's under trying to find herself as a widow and grieving mother.

It appears that she is in need of counseling -- if she's open to it. Make it plain that her children would be welcome to stay with you on a temporary or permanent basis. If she agrees, fine. However, if she doesn't, contact Childhelp USA, which can give you information about agencies that can help. Contact them by logging onto www.childhelpusa.org or calling toll-free: 1-800-422-4453.

life

Dear Abby for April 09, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 9th, 2010 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My son was killed in a car accident five years ago. His wife, who was pregnant at the time, gave birth to a beautiful baby boy a few months later.

Last month, I received a phone call from a woman we barely know who told me -- very politely -- that she had a "surprise" for me. She then informed me that I have another grandchild, a little girl! She claims my son got her granddaughter pregnant six years ago, and that she had the DNA checked to prove my son was the father. Needless to say, my wife and I were floored.

Abby, I don't know how to react. My wife, who is level-headed, told me not to react right now and to think things through. Do I go to this grandchild with open arms? It doesn't feel right. The child's mother has not reached out to us at all. I need your help. -- MAN WITH NO PLAN IN NEW YORK

DEAR MAN WITH NO PLAN: Your wife is an intelligent lady. I, too, find it odd that you would be contacted -- five years after your son's death -- by someone other than the child's mother. The person you should go to "with open arms" is your attorney. If there is DNA evidence, your attorney can help you determine if it's authentic and what your next move should be. Because you have not heard from the mother, you should not approach the child unless you have first made certain your attention is welcome.

life

When It Comes to Adopting a Pet, Old Is Often Best

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 8th, 2010

DEAR ABBY: We are seniors like "Thinking About Adopting in Las Vegas" (Feb. 2), who wants to adopt a dog. He may find it difficult to adopt one, especially since big hearts and lots of love and patience many times aren't considered "enough" today. We were denied every dog we wanted to adopt until a volunteer at Petfinder.com advised us that considering our ages, we should adopt a senior dog. We took their advice and have been blessed with 9-year-old Benji for almost a year.

Puppies are like grandchildren -- full of love, but they can leave us seniors exhausted. Senior dogs nap, are more mellow than puppies and are usually housebroken. If that man outlives his dog, he'll know he gave his precious little one a good home and lots of love. If Petfinder is in his area, they will make sure your little one is adopted into the perfect home -- not just "any" home. -- BENJI'S PARENTS IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR BENJI'S PARENTS: Thank you for supporting the adoption of older dogs. Readers provided some doggone good resources for adopting -- or acting as a foster parent -- for an abandoned or abused dog. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: In most states people can now create a trust for their pet. They can put funds into it and, in this way, benefit their pet by naming a trustee and caretaker to assure it will be taken care of until it passes away. In the trust they can state all their wishes, as singer Dusty Springfield did in stating she wanted her dog fed only imported baby food, its bed lined with her nightgowns and her records played when it went to sleep. -- MARC S. IN CLEVELAND

DEAR ABBY: Most Humane Societies now offer a "senior for senior" discount where a qualified senior citizen can adopt a senior companion animal, usually 7 years old or older, with all the fees waived. Please tell "Thinking" that he can find what he's looking for in companionship, and a middle-aged or older dog that would usually be passed up at the pound will get a new leash on life. -- TANNA, DIAMOND BAR, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: Many dog rescues need kind, loving foster homes for abused and abandoned animals who are awaiting adoption. It is hard to give up a dog after you have fostered and taken care of it for a while, and you do have the option of adopting it yourself, but believe me, this is definitely a worthwhile cause. When you take in a foster, their eyes are dull. But after receiving love and attention from a caregiver, those eyes sparkle and you know you have done something wonderful. -- JILLIE IN HUMBLE, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: After practicing as a vet for 35 years, may I offer a suggestion to your readers? Wonderful older pets are put to sleep every day at shelters across the country. These pets are usually housetrained, leash-trained, calm and eager for love and attention. Puppies (and kittens), on the other hand, need constant attention, training and activity.

Visit a pet shelter, and you may find your "perfect" companion patiently waiting for your love. -- KEN COHN, TUCSON, ARIZ.

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