DEAR ABBY: I'm a 58-year-old woman who has been married 40 years. I married at 18, put my husband through school and raised three children.

We have now been separated five years, after I found out that my husband had had numerous affairs. The last one lasted three years and I had no idea. During his last affair, he had the woman in our home and told her personal things about me. He lied and told her we were getting a divorce.

We have not divorced. Financially it would be hard. I can't seem to get over the pain and hurt. He still calls to see if I am OK. I continually visualize him with the other women. Thirty-five years is a long time, and he's the only man I have ever known.

I want to get over him, but it's hard. I now work full-time. My husband constantly sought women who admired his power and status in the community. I don't think I can ever get over his hurting me so. I tried counseling. It didn't work. He continues to call, which keeps me hanging. Should I break all ties? Is that what's holding me back? -- SAD IN OHIO

DEAR SAD: Let me talk to you like a friend and offer a suggestion: Talk to an attorney. After 40 years of marriage to a man with "power and status," one wealthy enough to afford serial "cookies" on the side, he must have accumulated enough assets that you shouldn't have to hold down a full-time job.

If you availed yourself of some of the assets to which you may be entitled, you might have enough to get more counseling and do some traveling, which might help to lessen your unhappiness. THEN you can decide whether or not to break all ties.

DEAR ABBY: With graduation announcements pouring in every day from everyone whom I have ever known who has a child graduating, I think I have seen a new low.

I actually received a photocopy of a high school graduation announcement. There was no picture, no personal note, just a photocopy folded into a cheap envelope. The "real" ones had been sent to more "important" people.

My question is, should I send the kid a photocopy of a congratulations card and a photocopy of some money? What's the best way to handle this? -- FLABBERGASTED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR FLABBERGASTED: If you have not seen the graduate since grammar school and aren't particularly close to the family, just toss it!

DEAR ABBY: I saw the letter you printed recently about "pennies from heaven" and thought I would share my story about a coin of a different kind.

My son died at the age of 16 following an auto accident. Among the feelings I was having was guilt that he didn't get to go to Italy with his Latin class the spring before his death because I couldn't afford it. Now, he would never get to go.

One day after returning to work, I was getting into my car and noticed a coin on the seat. I picked it up and was shocked to see it was an Italian lira! I took that as a sign that he DID get to see Italy, and I keep it in the frame with his picture. -- CHRISTOPHER'S MOM IN EVANSVILLE, IND.

DEAR MOM: Please accept my sympathy for the tragic loss of your son. The coin was sent to comfort you, and I'm glad it served its purpose of tempering your feelings of guilt and loss.

DEAR ABBY: I am at my wits' end and feel my life is over. I just want to get my life back the way it was 10 years ago. In the past eight years I have lost two jobs. I am currently unemployed and in financial ruin. I see no way out. Every job I apply for wants to do a credit check, so there goes any good job I might have. I have no resources for a counselor since I have no health insurance and nobody for a sounding board. Please help me see the light at the end of the tunnel. I feel virtually alone. -- TROUBLED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR TROUBLED: First of all, you are not alone. At last count, millions of fellow Americans were in the same boat. When people are out of work for an extended period, debts do tend to pile up. But if you are upfront about it during a job interview, I am sure that fact will be taken into consideration.

The job market is beginning to thaw, so please keep trying and do not give up hope. There are support groups for people who are out of work -- and a place to start looking for one would be a bulletin board at the unemployment office in your area. Use your local library as a resource to find support groups on the Web. Network with other people you know who are unemployed. Inquire at churches and synagogues because some of them offer these services. Also, ask at the mayor's office or city hall, and at community centers. Help is everywhere; you need to get out and look for it.

DEAR ABBY: My father has been short-tempered for as long as I can remember. He never beat us, but he spanked us plenty as a means of discipline when we were growing up. Now this anger is random; he makes every family event a nightmare for anyone involved. He insists on planning events at their home, and screams and degrades any of us "kids" (and Mom) if we do something other than his way.

Shortly after my sister's divorce a few years ago, my father met with our priest to discuss his anger issues, but it didn't change anything. We've suggested anger management or counseling, but he tells us we're "overreacting" and blames my sister's drama as an excuse for his behavior.

I am expecting my first child, and my husband and I are afraid of the effect Dad's behavior will have on our little one. My sister's children are all afraid of my father. While they respect him, they constantly worry about when the next blowup will happen. I don't want to cut anyone out of my life, but how can I deal with this? -- EMOTIONALLY EXHAUSTED IN OHIO

DEAR EXHAUSTED: You and your siblings are no longer children who have to obey your volatile father. If he uses the excuse that you (all) are in his home to imply that his behavior is acceptable, then you and the sibs should host family gatherings in your own homes, where your rules take precedence.

It's sad that your father didn't take his anger issues to a licensed psychotherapist, who could have helped him understand what causes them and given him tools to manage them. But since he didn't, you must accept that your first responsibility will be to your child -- specifically to protect him or her from your father's explosive outbursts.

DEAR ABBY: My mother just turned 80, and her driving is getting bad. I have spoken to her about my concerns, and she says she'll "think about" stopping. Then the next day, she's off driving somewhere.

I live 25 miles away. I offered to move to her apartment complex and do her driving, but until I can do that she won't stop.

Mom has already hit a city bus, turned into oncoming traffic and narrowly missed a pedestrian. When she put in for a change of address for her driver's license, they noticed it was time to renew it and did so without a test. I requested they send her a "come in and test" letter, but so far there has been no response. What can I do before she kills someone or herself? -- PHILADELPHIA DAUGHTER

DEAR DAUGHTER: Contact your mother's physician and tell him/her what you have told me. Her doctor should write a letter to the Department of Motor Vehicles regarding her history of near misses. It appears your concerns are justified. She should be given a driver's test and an eye test.

DEAR ABBY: My 60th birthday is approaching, and my children and I are planning a trip. My wish is to celebrate with just my two children -- not their spouses. Is this insensitive? Am I being unreasonable? -- THREE'S COMPANY

DEAR THREE'S COMPANY: If you have a good relationship with your children's spouses, there shouldn't be hurt feelings if they are not included this time. There are occasions when spouses sometimes prefer to stay at home. Example: high school reunions.

A neighbor of mine, a woman in her 80s, mentioned recently that she was planning a trip back to her hometown with her daughter (sans son-in-law) so they could see the house where she was raised and the grammar and high schools she attended. For them it was a sentimental journey, but for the husband it would have been as warm and fuzzy an experience as a root canal.

DEAR ABBY: My 60th birthday is approaching, and my children and I are planning a trip. My wish is to celebrate with just my two children -- not their spouses. Is this insensitive? Am I being unreasonable? -- THREE'S COMPANY

DEAR THREE'S COMPANY: If you have a good relationship with your children's spouses, there shouldn't be hurt feelings if they are not included this time. There are occasions when spouses sometimes prefer to stay at home. Example: high school reunions.

A neighbor of mine, a woman in her 80s, mentioned recently that she was planning a trip back to her hometown with her daughter (sans son-in-law) so they could see the house where she was raised and the grammar and high schools she attended. For them it was a sentimental journey, but for the husband it would have been as warm and fuzzy an experience as a root canal.

TO MY CHRISTIAN READERS: Happy Easter, one and all!

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)