DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and have grown up religious my whole life. I get good grades and stay out of trouble. A lot of my friends have done crazy things like drinking and partying, but I haven't. Because of this, I have the reputation of being a "goody-two-shoes."

I'm not saying it's a bad thing being a good girl, but I don't want to be a goody-two-shoes. Part of me wants to try some of the stuff my friends have been doing, but I don't want to lose my parents' trust. Please help! -- RESTLESS IN OREGON

DEAR RESTLESS: You have your parents' trust because you have earned it. Before you try any of the "stuff" your friends have been doing, ask yourself what the consequences could be. Yes, it's hard being labeled a goody-two-shoes -- but please look closely at who is doing the name-calling. A streetwise individual once told me, "The best way out of a jam is not to get into one in the first place." That tidbit has served me well, and that's why I'm passing it along to you.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter left our small Midwestern town for the West Coast to marry money. At 37, she finally snagged her millionaire. She thought it was going to give her a blank check.

She does live in a lovely home and drives an expensive foreign car, but that's where it ends. Everything is in his name, and her wedding ring is one we gave her, although he paid to remove the stone and have it polished. I told her then to walk away.

They have two children. Her son is a spoiled brat, completely self-absorbed like his dad. Her daughter has learning disabilities and is still at home.

More than one family member refers to her spouse as a horse's rear end. He rarely attends family events, which is really fine with everyone. At best, he can be described as rude and obnoxious.

My daughter would never leave him. She loves the lifestyle too much. If she only knew how most of her extended family think of them. I'm embarrassed by it, really.

I just thought your readers should know that marrying money isn't necessarily the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. -- HER MOM IN WISCONSIN

DEAR MOM: I'll say. Someone who marries for money usually ends up earning every single penny.

DEAR ABBY: My husband was recently invited to the wedding of one of his co-workers. The wedding is in Mexico. Shouldn't these types of invitations be issued to family and very close friends only? I can't help but feel she is just looking for a gift. Is this proper, or am I "seeing" the bigger picture? -- ANNOYED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ANNOYED: No, and there are a few things wrong with this "picture." If the co-worker knows your husband is married, the invitation should have properly been addressed to "Mr. and Mrs." Since it wasn't, and I assume your husband has no intention of attending, he should send his regrets.

However, because the bride is someone he will be interacting with on an ongoing basis, the politic way to handle this would be to present the happy couple with a token gift from both of you upon their return -- although you are not socially obligated to do so.

DEAR ABBY: I am a medic in the Middle East. I was out on patrol with some of our guys when we were hit with a mortar attack. More than one guy was wounded.

I ran to the first guy and saw that he was hit. He had a wound I knew he wouldn't be able to survive. He pulled a letter from his pocket, put it in my hands and pushed me away. I tried to apply pressure to his wound to slow the bleeding, but he pushed me away again. It was like he was telling me to go to the next man who needed my attention. Everyone survived except him.

At first, I thought I did the right thing by respecting his wishes to help someone I could save. When I got back and talked to his family, they were angry at me for not trying harder to save his life. When I signed up for this job, I knew I wouldn't be able to save everyone, but I am supposed to try my best no matter who it is I am saving.

Was I wrong by going to another man who I could save? Was it wrong of me to take his letter and leave him after he pushed me away twice? Please tell me what you think. -- DOC IN DISTRESS

DEAR DOC: I think you were doing the best you could in an impossible situation. Your patient may have instinctively known he was not going to make it -- which is why he gave you the letter. Of course the family was angry that you couldn't save their loved one -- they are grieving. I urge you to talk to a counselor about what happened and the feelings of guilt you're experiencing. In a situation like the one in which you found yourself, wrenching choices sometimes have to be made. Please stop second-guessing yourself.

DEAR ABBY: My father is in the early stages of Alzheimer's. While at a family party, my stepmother started talking about how she and Dad had just visited their friends, the Royal Family in England. I assume she thought she was being funny. My poor father was completely confused, but my stepmother continued on with the charade. We all felt uncomfortable and didn't know how to handle the situation. The grandkids felt bad for Grandpop.

I recently learned that my stepmother pretended her friend was his daughter. Dad is confused enough without having to be tricked in this manner. My stepmother is a very complex, challenging woman, and I need to handle this matter very carefully. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. -- SAD ABOUT DAD IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SAD: Your stepmother is not only "complex and challenging," she has a twisted sense of humor. Ridiculing someone with dementia is cruel and, in my opinion, qualifies as elder abuse. As to "tricking" your father into thinking her friend was his daughter, I wish you had mentioned what she was trying to accomplish by doing that. Your father -- and his assets -- may need protection. Please consider discussing this with a social worker who specializes in senior services.

DEAR ABBY: My husband doesn't like his sister. When he drinks beer, he says ugly things about her and starts to cry. When I said she's his only sister and to cut it out, he closed his hands into fists.

I twice tried calling her at 1 a.m., after he fell asleep. Well, our phone bill arrived and her phone number is on it. He's the one who gets the mail, so please answer this in the paper. The bill is due in 10 days. -- PEACEMAKER IN FLORIDA

DEAR PEACEMAKER: If your husband is the one who pays the bills, fess up while he's sober, because it appears he doesn't handle his beer very well. And from now on, respect his boundaries because there may be good reason why he and his sister are on the outs.

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DEAR ABBY: I can't stand my 10-year-old daughter. I was an 18-year-old single mother when she was born. I find her ugly and annoying. Everyone tells me how "sweet" and "pretty" she is, but I can't see it. I dread when she comes home from school. I am not physically abusive to her -- I would never do that. But I can be verbally abusive, and I know I need to stop. She just makes me so mad.

I am now married with two more kids (boys), and I adore them. What's wrong with me? How can I fix this? I'm afraid it's too late. I have no spiritual adviser to talk to, and I can't afford to speak to a professional counselor. -- ANONYMOUS IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR ANONYMOUS: The circumstances of your daughter's birth were very different from those of your sons. When you look at her, you may be reminded of a chapter in your life you would prefer to forget. How sad for both of you.

The way you treat her, particularly in relation to her half-brothers -- will affect the way she perceives herself for the rest of her life. People whose parents treat them as unlovable often regard themselves as not "measuring up," and it can cause self-esteem problems that last a lifetime.

Ordinarily, I would encourage you to seek low-cost therapy through your county department of mental health for the sake of both you and your daughter. If that isn't possible, then I advise you to hold your tongue, control your temper and compel yourself to show your daughter approval and affection every day until it becomes a habit or she's old enough to leave -- whichever comes first.

DEAR ABBY: My workplace has instituted "casual dress Friday," where everyone is supposed to make a donation to a charity selected by a different employee each fortnight. While this is nice in theory, I often find that I don't wish to donate to the chosen charity because I don't agree with its ethics or its methods.

I give regularly to charities of my choice, which I have researched beforehand, but have never been one to donate automatically to every passing collection.

How do I bow out gracefully when the collection tin comes around? I have tried to explain to my co-workers why I don't support a particular charity and simply say I have chosen not to participate. I am met with blank stares and demands that I explain myself, and lectures about why I must "support the team."

I don't feel my colleagues have any right to tell me what I should do with my money, but they obviously disagree and I am finding the situation very uncomfortable. Any suggestions? -- FEELING AWKWARD IN AUSTRALIA

DEAR FEELING AWKWARD: The policy you describe seems more like "friendly" extortion than real charitable giving. (Is there some kind of contest going on between teams to see who can raise the most money?) While I'm all for casual Fridays, the policy of pressuring people to give strikes me as one that should be modified or done away with completely. That's why I think you should discuss your feelings with your supervisor or the head of the department and go on record that you prefer to give your money to causes you have researched and with which you identify. If that doesn't help, you may be working for the wrong company. Sorry, mate.

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