DEAR ABBY: I've been dating "Amanda" for eight months and everything is going great. I've met her parents, and she has met mine.

Two days ago, I mentioned that we should plan a dinner with both sets of parents since they have not met yet. Amanda told me that our parents shouldn't meet until we move in together or are engaged. I felt offended. When do you think is the right time for our parents to meet? -- IT'S ONLY DINNER!

DEAR ONLY DINNER: I disagree with your girlfriend. There are no hard and fast rules these days about when the parents of couples should meet. And after eight months, I would think both sets of parents would be interested in meeting each other.

DEAR ABBY: I try to be positive and considerate of others. I believe if you smile at the world, it will smile back. The exception to that is my mother. Mom is the most negative person I have ever met. Nothing has ever been good enough for her -- and now my sister is starting to behave just like her. If misery loves company, they can have each other.

My kids dislike being around their grandmother and can see how upset she makes me when we talk on the phone. Abby, I'd like my mom to see her grandkids grow up, and much as I don't want to admit it, I need her support and guidance. How can I get Mom to see the brighter side of things? -- UPBEAT IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR UPBEAT: Forgive me if this seems negative, but you can't change other people -- only the way you react to them. You might be able to deflect some of the unpleasantness your mother creates if, instead of letting her upset you when she says something negative, you respond with something positive.

Because your children don't like to be around her, limit their exposure if she's being toxic. And do not allow her to minimize their accomplishments or make them feel "less than," because they may begin to believe it.

As to needing your mother's support and guidance, I sympathize with your wish, but please understand that she may not be able to give you what you're looking for. And, if that's the case, you may need to find support and guidance elsewhere.

DEAR ABBY: I try to be positive and considerate of others. I believe if you smile at the world, it will smile back. The exception to that is my mother. Mom is the most negative person I have ever met. Nothing has ever been good enough for her -- and now my sister is starting to behave just like her. If misery loves company, they can have each other.

My kids dislike being around their grandmother and can see how upset she makes me when we talk on the phone. Abby, I'd like my mom to see her grandkids grow up, and much as I don't want to admit it, I need her support and guidance. How can I get Mom to see the brighter side of things? -- UPBEAT IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR UPBEAT: Forgive me if this seems negative, but you can't change other people -- only the way you react to them. You might be able to deflect some of the unpleasantness your mother creates if, instead of letting her upset you when she says something negative, you respond with something positive.

Because your children don't like to be around her, limit their exposure if she's being toxic. And do not allow her to minimize their accomplishments or make them feel "less than," because they may begin to believe it.

As to needing your mother's support and guidance, I sympathize with your wish, but please understand that she may not be able to give you what you're looking for. And, if that's the case, you may need to find support and guidance elsewhere.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a career woman, working for a family-owned business. Last year was difficult because there have been a number of layoffs and no raises. When I had my annual review, I received an outstanding evaluation but was again told no raise would be forthcoming because business is slow.

I could understand this because of the current economy if the owners of the company weren't taking expensive vacations and buying new luxury cars.

I have a hard time accepting there's no money for raises when they spend so extravagantly. I understand it's not my business how they spend their money, but it's difficult to swallow when I feel so taken advantage of. I'm not the only one here feeling the way I do, and it's beginning to create a hostile environment. Am I wrong to feel this way? -- BITTER IN THE NORTHEAST

DEAR BITTER: If your employers are claiming poverty while indulging in conspicuous consumption, your feelings are understandable. And as soon as the job market improves, I'm sure you will be only a part of the stampede of fellow employees seeking another job. With your outstanding reviews it shouldn't be too difficult to find one. Bide your time ...

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is being married in the fall and she has asked me to be her matron of honor. She has been through a lot, and I have supported her all the way. She says I am the only one who had faith in her, encouraged her and loved her no matter what.

Are moms supposed to be in their daughters' weddings? She doesn't want her dad in the wedding, so this makes it difficult. I am honored that she wants me to be her matron of honor. If her dad isn't in the wedding, should I be in it? I don't want any hard feelings from the other family members, but my daughter is determined to have me as her matron of honor. -- DONNA IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR DONNA: If what your daughter said is true, and you were the only one who had faith in her and loved her unconditionally, then you should accept her offer to stand with her at the altar. And yes, it has been done before.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is being married in the fall and she has asked me to be her matron of honor. She has been through a lot, and I have supported her all the way. She says I am the only one who had faith in her, encouraged her and loved her no matter what.

Are moms supposed to be in their daughters' weddings? She doesn't want her dad in the wedding, so this makes it difficult. I am honored that she wants me to be her matron of honor. If her dad isn't in the wedding, should I be in it? I don't want any hard feelings from the other family members, but my daughter is determined to have me as her matron of honor. -- DONNA IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR DONNA: If what your daughter said is true, and you were the only one who had faith in her and loved her unconditionally, then you should accept her offer to stand with her at the altar. And yes, it has been done before.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing to encourage "Wants to Do Right by Mama" (Jan. 25) to honor her mother's final wishes regarding her burial attire and the position of her body. Several years ago, I sat down with my parents and we talked about their wishes for when they die. We discussed everything from the distribution of their assets to the type of funerals they want. I learned that my father would like a large tombstone, which is something I never knew, so I asked him to draw up exactly what he had in mind.

Mom and Dad have already written their obituaries for the newspaper. Mom listed all the songs to be played at her service and the flowers she wants. We visited funeral homes, and discussed coffins and services, etc. Since then, they have changed their minds several times and have now decided they prefer cremation. Everything is written down and I sent copies to my brother, who lives out of town. Both of us want to respect our parents' wishes.

It wasn't as difficult as we thought it would be, and when the time comes and everyone is emotionally spent, the arrangements will already be in place. -- JIM IN CHESTERFIELD, MO.

DEAR JIM: I congratulate you for having that important discussion with your parents. A number of readers commented on that letter. Their remarks made me smile, so I'll share. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My father wanted to be buried without any clothes on and without his dentures. His reasoning was he came into the world naked and toothless, and he wanted to go out the same way. To my brother's dismay, Daddy got his wish. He was, however, covered discreetly by a lovely blue sheet. -- MISSING DADDY

DEAR ABBY: My children know for a fact that if I'm ever unable to care for myself, they'll have to pluck out my chin hairs. Whether I'm in a nursing home or in a coffin, if there are any coarse hairs sprouting from my chin, I'll come back and haunt them. -- MARTHA IN GREEN BAY

DEAR ABBY: When we buried my mother, Dad realized his burial plot next to hers would be so close to the road that visitors might drive over it or park on his grave. So he requested that when he was interred, a nail be placed in his fist so he could reach up and pop their tires. When he passed away last August, we gave him the largest nail we could find. -- DADDY'S DAUGHTER

DEAR ABBY: Our mother saved her favorite square dancing outfit for when the angels called her, and we honored her wishes when she passed away a few months ago at the age of 89. She was completely decked out in her dress, right down to the "full" slip, shoes and six-shooter earrings. We miss her terribly, but can't help smiling when we think of her in her dress. -- DID RIGHT BY MAMA, OTHELLO, WASH.

DEAR ABBY: My great-grandma also requested that she be buried in her pajamas, but said she also wanted a fork placed in her hands. We could understand the pajamas -- given the "long sleep" -- but the fork had us stumped. She explained that when dishes were cleared after family dinners when she was growing up and dessert was on its way, her father would say, "Hold onto your fork, the best is yet to come!"

We did as my great-grandmother asked, and it helped those of us who were grieving to remember that she's now enjoying her "just desserts." -- HOLDING TIGHT TO MY FORK, SIOUX FALLS, S.D.