DEAR ABBY: I am a 76-year-old man who is romantically involved with a 65-year-old lady. She knows I take Viagra. I recently had to go out of town for a week. Before I left, she demanded that I give her my bottle of Viagra. She said she would return it as soon as I got back.

What I did not tell my lady friend is that I don't always need Viagra to "perform." Should I remain silent and let her believe that without the little blue pill I'll be forced to remain faithful?

Honesty is the best long-term policy, but is there a limit to just "how" honest one should be? -- A VITAL MAN IN ARKANSAS

DEAR VITAL MAN: In this case, keep your own counsel. If you tell your lady friend you don't always "need" Viagra, she may start wondering why you always need it with her and find the implication insulting.

DEAR ABBY: As a child, it was painfully obvious that my mother favored my brother, "Clint," over me. Everything he did was considered perfect and was bragged about. Because I was a girl, I was expected to step and fetch for him. To this day, my opinions hold no weight against those of my brother. I have always been hurt by this, but I have lived with it.

Clint moved 3,000 miles away years ago. I am the one caring for Mom, although Clint contributes financial assistance. When he and his family came to visit for a week, my daughter asked me why Grandma respects and is prouder of Clint's children -- all boys -- than of her.

Grandma is proud that one of the boys knows about computers, but my daughter has BUILT computers. Grandma is proud because one of the boys is studying piano. My daughter has played flute for 10 years. Grandma brags about another of the boys' ability at rowing, but never about my daughter's achievements in academics.

How do I keep my daughter from feeling resentful, and what should I tell her? -- LESS VALUED IN GREENVILLE, S.C.

DEAR LESS VALUED: Tell your daughter the truth -- that your mother always favored your brother, and that this is just more of the same. Tell her that she is a terrific daughter and that YOU are proud of her. And explain that there is no pleasing Grandma, which is why she should keep her distance.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's aunt was gorgeous when she was young. At 90, obviously her appearance has changed. After many illnesses, her looks have faded.

When she shows me pictures of herself in her youth, it's obvious she wants a response, but "you were beautiful" seems cruel, pointing out that she is no longer. To pretend she still is would be disingenuous.

I have been in this situation with other elderly people. What is a complimentary and sincere comment at these times? -- REALIST IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR REALIST: Your aunt is reminded of the fact that she's no longer in the full bloom of youth every time she brushes her teeth in front of the mirror. So why not give her the compliment she deserves? Say, "Auntie, you were drop-dead gorgeous! I'm sure you stopped traffic." If you do, I'm willing to bet she has a few stories to tell you about when she did exactly that.

DEAR ABBY: I just joined a gym, and I love everything about it except for one thing -- the ladies' locker room.

I am modest so I use the private changing rooms when getting dressed. There are some women who feel very comfortable walking around in various stages of undress. Not only are they naked, they don't think twice about bending over to get into their lockers, or standing topless while blow-drying their hair.

In a place full of mirrors, seeing all this is difficult to avoid. I don't want to stop using the locker room because it's convenient. Is there anything I can do, or must I put up with the peep shows? -- MISS MODESTY IN PRINCETON, N.J.

DEAR MISS M.: Women in various stages of nudity are not a "peep show." They are par for the course in women's locker rooms everywhere. And yes, there is something you can do: As you pass through on your way in and out, keep your eyes modestly downcast. That way, at most, you will see only a few naked toes. Or visit the gym during hours when the place is not so busy.

DEAR ABBY: I am stationed in Iraq. My husband is home taking care of our two teenagers -- a 16-year-old boy and a 14-year-old girl.

My daughter has had several sleepovers at her friends'. On two separate occasions, the mothers allowed the girls to dye their hair. They did this without first consulting my husband.

Am I old-fashioned, or isn't this something a parent should decide for a 14-year-old? Did the other parents think that it was OK since I wasn't home to disapprove?

My husband is doing an excellent job of parenting while I am deployed, and he would never have allowed her to dye her hair. How should we handle this type of situation? -- MOM ON DUTY IN IRAQ

DEAR MOM: Your husband should have told the adults plainly the first time it happened that he objected to the dye job. Since that didn't happen, please remain calm and remember that it's only hair -- which will grow out. And now that you know the parents of your daughter's friends lack judgment, any sleepovers she attends should be in your home until your return from overseas.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are discussing being married at the courthouse before our actual wedding ceremony -- months in advance. Our reason is he will finish graduate school and needs a place to stay -- or else it's back home.

The second reason is, if we live in separate households, it will create two sets of household bills. Under one roof we can share the expenses and save ourselves an ample amount of money to put toward our actual ceremony and honeymoon.

This is our first marriage and, we hope, our last. We want to make it a memorable one. Does this make sense, and if so, how should we approach our potential guests about our plans to "tie the knot"? -- TO DO OR NOT TO DO IN ALABAMA

DEAR T.D. OR NOT T.D.: The way to handle it is to be open and aboveboard. Let your friends -- and extended family -- know that you plan to be married quietly in a civil ceremony at the courthouse and have a formal renewal of vows, complete with gown, religious blessing, etc. to which they will be invited to share your joy several months later.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: In March of last year, I saw your column about the upcoming World Kidney Day when the National Kidney Foundation would offer free screenings around the country through their Kidney Early Evaluation Program (KEEP). You encouraged your readers to find the location of their local KEEP screenings, so I did -- figuring I had nothing to lose.

Well, my lab tests from the KEEP screening showed that my kidneys had not been properly filtering toxins from my body. Armed with those test results I made an appointment with my doctor. She had never checked my kidney function before. Once she saw the results of my kidney function tests were low, she suggested major diet and exercise changes and took me off two medications she suspected were too much for my kidneys to handle.

Today, I feel great. My blood pressure is normal, my weight is 30 pounds lighter and my kidney function is continually improving. What a blessing that I read your column that day, Abby, and went to the KEEP screening before it was too late. If I hadn't, I could be on dialysis, waiting for a kidney transplant or, worse, not here at all. -- CAROL ANN JOHNSON, INDEPENDENCE, MO.

DEAR CAROL ANN: I am pleased that an item you saw in my column was so helpful. I hope your experience encourages other readers to look for the KEEP screenings in their local areas this year.

Readers, this year World Kidney Day is being held on Thursday, March 11. On that day the National Kidney Foundation will once again hold screenings all over the U.S. for those at risk. This includes anyone who has high blood pressure, diabetes or a family history of those conditions or kidney disease.

Those of you who would like more information regarding kidney disease and free screenings should log onto www.kidney.org.

DEAR ABBY: I don't think I have a recessive personality, yet I constantly find myself in conversations with people who appear to have no interest in what I have to say. Regardless of the subject, I am never able to finish what I want to say before the other person interrupts with his/her own "more important" story.

An example: I said, "My mother-in-law came to visit last night ..." Before I could get the next word out, someone started talking about an incident she suffered through with her M-I-L. She continued on for more than five minutes.

Another time, during an hour-long lunch with a girlfriend, she spent 45 minutes (I timed her) talking about herself. And then there's my co-worker who spent seven minutes of a conference we had for a project we shared discussing the project, and the rest talking about herself.

Am I expecting too much to be heard, respected, empathized with and supported by people I consider close friends and associates? What can I do to remedy this? -- LET ME FINI ...

DEAR LET ME: Your problem is that you are not assertive enough. A way to remedy the situation would be to interrupt the interrupter by saying immediately, "Excuse me -- I am still talking," and finish your story. And as to a colleague blathering on about herself during the discussion that was supposed to be about your project -- you should have said, "Oh, I'd love to chat. But right now I have too much work to do. Bye!"