DEAR ABBY: I am a 29-year-old registered nurse who has never been married. Recently I bought a home, and soon after, an old boyfriend, "Gary," started coming around. I was happy about it at first, but he's been staying here at my place for two months now and hasn't paid any rent.

Gary buys his own beer and has brought home a few grocery items from time to time, but nothing to speak of. He had the electricity turned off at his place so his expenses are minimal. He also brought along his cat, but never cleans out her litter box.

He does no housework and comes and goes as he pleases. I do not want him sharing my home without contributing anything. Is there a way to tell him without wrecking our relationship? -- CANADIAN JOAN

DEAR JOAN: It appears that not only is the heat off at Gary's house, the temperature at yours is cooling fast. Tell him that if he can't help you with the rent, household chores, groceries and the litter box, it's time to turn up the heat at his place. And please don't feel guilty about it. It's called being assertive.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a freshman in high school who has trouble making friends. My grades are good. I'm learning how to play a musical instrument, and I think I'm a nice guy.

My problem is so many of my schoolmates judge others by their possessions -- cell phones, iPod, laptop, etc. It matters what brand of clothing you wear and how much money you have. If you don't have those things or your parents aren't rich, you're treated as an outcast. Character or talent doesn't matter, apparently -- only money. This has started affecting my self-esteem. What do you advise? -- JUST A NICE GUY IN ARIZONA

DEAR NICE GUY: You will be better off, and lead a happier life, if you stop looking for acceptance from shallow, immature kids who belong to tight, judgmental little cliques. Join activities where you will meet others with values more like your own. Some places to start would be special interest clubs at school, scouting, a sport, your church youth group, or volunteering if you have some free time. There is nothing "wrong" with you. Many people develop their social skills and blossom after high school.

DEAR ABBY: My wife has been criticizing my table manners ever since our wedding. When we're having dinner, if we're having meatloaf, broccoli and mashed potatoes, I eat all of my meatloaf and then all of my broccoli before starting on the mashed potatoes.

My wife claims it is proper etiquette to rotate one bite of each different food rather than consume all of any one of them before moving on to the next. I have never heard of this rule and neither has anyone else I have asked.

Am I violating a rule of etiquette, or is this something else my wife has "cooked up"? -- RUMINATING IN RIO RANCHO, N.M.

DEAR RUMINATING: I have never heard of such a rule either, nor is it mentioned in "Emily Post's Etiquette (16th Edition)." Your wife may have cooked it up, but that doesn't mean you have to swallow it.

DEAR ABBY: You asked female readers if we have anything to add to your advice to "Hot Flash Hilda" (Dec. 16), whose husband says she's "mean" and "freaky" because she doesn't want to snuggle when she's having a hot flash. I have had 18 years of menopause. I told my older son once that menopause constitutes justifiable homicide, and he'd better tread carefully.

Hilda should tell her husband that hot flashes are like claustrophobia. You're heating up from the inside out and have no way to escape. There are times when my skin actually hurts. Maybe if she uses "justifiable homicide" it will get through to him. -- LINDA IN MESA, ARIZ.

DEAR LINDA: When I printed the question from "Hilda," I had no idea that menopause was such a hot topic and that I'd not only receive responses from women, but also from male readers. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My wife has also been dealing with hot flashes. Her comments to me fell on deaf ears until my doctor prescribed a niacin-based drug for triglyceride issues. He failed to advise me to take an aspirin shortly before taking the niacin. When I took the niacin for the first time, I had an instant understanding of what hot flashes were and what my wife had been subjected to for several years. -- GETS IT NOW IN GEORGIA

DEAR ABBY: My husband also didn't understand my need for distance during a hot flash. So I took him to a spa for a day of couples pampering and suggested he get into the sauna to relax.

When he was good and hot, I joined him and suggested we "snuggle." He exclaimed, "But I'm all hot and sweaty!" I smiled and said, "You're having a hot flash." That's when he finally got it.

Now he not only gives me space during a hot flash, but offers me a cool drink of water or a chilled cloth to put on my neck for the duration of the "heat wave." -- DIANE IN SUSANVILLE, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for that reply! Men need to try and understand what women feel during a hot flash. A 450-degree oven about sums it up. I bought books on the subject for my husband, but have yet to give them to him. I most certainly will now. -- MICHELE IN WURTSBORO, N.Y.

DEAR MICHELE: Another way to educate a clueless spouse is for both of them to consult the wife's gynecologist or their primary physician to discuss what the hormone changes may be doing to her body and psyche.

DEAR ABBY: When my hubby and I first married, he was always the warm one; I was always freezing. At night he'd snuggle me in bed until I was comfortable.

Years later, he was diagnosed with cancer. Radiation therapy caused his body temperature to drop while I, coincidentally, was going through menopause. Now I would wrap my legs around his, snuggling him until we were both comfortable.

One night, while we were all entangled, he exclaimed, "Oh, my God, we've turned into each other!" He's been gone 10 years now, and what I'd give for one more snuggle. -- BONNIE IN GREENFIELD, WIS.

DEAR ABBY: My partner and I are both going through menopause. Try having two women having hot flashes at the same time -- the sheets nearly burst into flames. Hilda should be grateful she's not going through WOMENopause. -- VICKIE IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: On a recent trip to Rome, my husband generously sprinkled fresh peppers in his food (while the waiter shook his head). Heat seared through his body. His eyes were glassy, sweat beaded on his forehead and he gulped the whole carafe of water. I looked at him and said, "Welcome to MY world." -- ANITA IN ORANGE CITY, IOWA

DEAR ABBY: I walked into my dorm room and heard my roommate having sex in the bathroom. I promptly called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to meet me. No sooner had I entered her number than I heard my girlfriend's ring tone coming from our bathroom. It was her.

I clicked off, left the room and stayed at a friend's for the night. Please tell me, did I do the right thing and what do I do now? -- BETRAYED IN TORONTO

DEAR BETRAYED: I'm sorry you walked out. You should have ordered a pizza and invited some (true) friends over so they could be there when the two of them emerged.

Here's what to do now: Tell your girlfriend the romance is history, and start looking for a roommate with enough character and intellect that he understands boundaries.

DEAR ABBY: I am shocked at what my young children tell me they have overheard while other "carpool moms" chat on their cell phones as they ferry children back and forth to school. Cell phones have opened up a whole new adult world to children.

My children have heard mothers bad-mouth teachers, other parents and even their classmates. They have also had to listen to adult arguments that were none of their business. In one extreme case, my son had to endure hearing the carpool mom relay the circumstances of his own father's sudden death! Can you imagine how painful that was?

Parents, please remember that little children have big ears and listen to everything you say! -- HANG IT UP IN COLUMBIA, S.C.

DEAR HANG IT UP: Thank you for writing. As tempted as I am to use your letter as yet another reason to discourage the use of cell phones and other electronic devices while driving, no state can legislate that its citizens use common sense. Too bad.

DEAR ABBY: Please warn all those poor trusting souls out there never to give out their passwords -- ever!

I work in an office with about 20 people, mostly middle-aged women, many of whom are going through divorces. I have noticed a disturbing trend -- cyberstalking. Several of the women use passwords provided to them in the past, when the relationships were good, to access personal data.

One woman accesses her husband's bank account so they can all have a good laugh at how he's struggling financially. Another has her ex's e-mail and Facebook passwords and delights in telling everyone about the angry messages being left by the ex's new girlfriend. The latest is the use of an ex-husband's password to spy on his online dating account.

Tell your readers out there to safeguard their passwords. Don't give them out no matter how much they trust someone. But if they do, when the relationship ends, change each and every one -- no matter how inconsequential. -- SICK TO MY STOMACH IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR SICK: I'm sure your letter will cause readers of both sexes to do a double take. No one can ever be too careful with personal information. Revealing a password is like giving someone the keys to your house, your safe-deposit box and your diary.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)