DEAR ABBY: My daughter and I haven't spoken in more than two years because of something I said regarding her grandson, "Joey," who is my great-grandson. The last time I saw this boy, who lives in another state, he was 7 or 8.

My daughter's husband was expressing how proud he was of Joey, who is a star football player -- a linebacker at 200 pounds and over 6 feet tall. I said, "Wow, the last time I saw him he was 7 or 8 and fat as a little pig." My words were not wisely chosen, but an expression I have used many times. It was just a comment.

They left the state in early spring without a call or a goodbye. On Mother's Day I received a "gushy" card, which I returned with a note saying how much I would have loved the card -- if I had felt it was sincere.

I am 86 and hate what has happened, but I feel I am being punished for just "being me." Should I make the first move or just let sleeping dogs lie? -- OUTSPOKEN GRANDMA IN FLORIDA

DEAR OUTSPOKEN GRANDMA: You should have apologized for your comment the minute you realized you had struck a nerve. And returning the card the way you did only added fuel to the fire. My advice is to write your daughter and son-in-law a note of apology and do it soon, because at 86, you don't have any time to waste.

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman from a family of females who are all large-busted. Sad to say, I am the exception. My husband not only looks but stares when he sees a big-breasted woman. He promised me a few years ago I could get implants. He even let me consult two plastic surgeons, and then twice prevented me with excuses from having it done.

I do not want this because of his actions but because I have always wanted a well-balanced body. I have been told by family members to go ahead and get the implants without his knowledge. I believe he would love the end result, but I'm not sure this is the right way to do it. What do you think? -- NO MORE EXCUSES IN LOUISIANA

DEAR NO MORE EXCUSES: I think that if you want to have breast augmentation, you should do it. BUT NOT THE WAY YOUR FAMILY IS SUGGESTING! Have a serious talk with your husband, so you can explain how you feel about having the surgery and he can tell you exactly what his qualms are. While he may enjoy looking at large-breasted women, he married you just the way you are, and he may be worried that something could happen during the procedure that could cost him the love of his life. Hear him out.

DEAR ABBY: I am an only child who has been married for almost 30 years to a wonderful man who is also an only child. We have no children.

We are moving to another state where we don't know anyone. I am worried that one day I'll be all alone in the world with no one to turn to. (Women statistically tend to live longer than men, and my husband is seven years my senior.)

What do people do when they have no one, and how do I not let this ruin our otherwise great life now? -- AFRAID TO BE ALONE

DEAR AFRAID: First of all, quit preoccupying yourself with thoughts of death and isolation. When you arrive at your destination, join a church or synagogue if you are religious. If you're not, find organizations where you and your husband can volunteer time and meet people. Join social clubs if you're moving to a sizable city. "Old age" will happen years from now, if you're lucky. And regardless of what "statistics" say, you could go before your husband -- so stop worrying and enjoy the time you have together.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend recently moved in with me. We have a great relationship except that he is always slapping me on the bottom. He refers to it as "love taps."

I have told him many times I regard it as degrading and frustrating. It stings and I hate it. I have told him 10 different times in 10 different ways, including getting so angry I screamed obscenities at him.

When we get into little arguments, he will say, "That's it! You deserve a spanking for that!" and proceeds to hit me again. I know he thinks it's cute, and he obviously gets some sort of enjoyment out of it, but I am at my wits' end.

How can I get it through his head that his behavior is not only offensive, it is seriously harming our relationship by creating resentment? Does he just not care about my feelings, or does he not take me seriously when I tell him to knock it off? -- SORE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SORE: When someone continues to do something after having been told that it hurts, that you don't like it, and that you want it stopped, what it shows is lack of respect for your feelings and your "space." What is going on is not my definition of a "great" relationship. It's one in which there is a serious communication problem.

Now I have a question for you. What else does he ignore when you speak up?

DEAR ABBY: I take the shuttle bus from work along with a group of others from the same company. Last week, I got out of work a little early and was already sitting on the bus when the others boarded. Not realizing that I was there, a man who works in another department -- whom I do not know well -- said loudly, "I don't think that old lady is here today."

Abby, I am not yet 60, and he is older than I am! I know that for a fact. His remark was within earshot of the other workers and the driver. Needless to say, I was deeply upset and humiliated. In fact, I wrote a letter to the human resources department but never received a response.

I have considered calling the crass fellow to tell him how much he embarrassed me. Should I? What would you do, Abby? -- LOYAL READER, ANY CITY, USA

DEAR READER: Are you the only older female who rides the shuttle? And are you positive the remark was about you? My initial reaction was that the man may have thought someone who usually takes the bus wasn't there yet and he might have been voicing concern -- as in, "Maybe we should wait a few minutes until she gets here."

Rather than calling him, I would let it go. If he was talking about you, he embarrassed HIMSELF with his tactlessness far more than he embarrassed you.

DEAR READERS: Today is a double holiday. Not only is it Valentine's Day (greetings to all you lovers out there), but it also is the beginning of the lunar New Year. This is the Year of the Tiger. Individuals born this year are known for their charm, and when they see opportunity, they're quick to pounce. A formidable combination not only in the jungle, but also in society!

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing "Hillary" for a little more than a year. We're both in our late 20s and just starting our careers. We both live with our parents.

We've been having problems because I'm not willing to move in with her. I have told Hillary many times that there is no audition for marriage, but she's convinced it would "bring us closer." Many of the people I've worked with ended up splitting shortly after moving in together. Conversely, many of Hillary's friends moved in with significant others and were married shortly after.

I admit, I'd like to take things slow (call me old-fashioned), but Hillary doesn't know if she can wait until I feel ready to take this step or propose.

We acknowledge that we love each other. Our parents are not exactly rooting for us, so we're taking another break from things. I suggested that we both find our own places for the time being. Hillary has never lived by herself. We don't know what to do, and I'd like some advice from someone who doesn't have a stake in this. -- AT A CROSSROADS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR AT A CROSSROADS: I'm glad you asked. Neither you nor Hillary seem ready for the kind of commitment she's angling for right now. What's clear to me is that she wants to get out of her parents' house, while you appear to want some independence before making a lifetime commitment. Your suggestion about getting separate apartments is a good one.

I would love to know why neither set of parents is "rooting" for this match. But let it serve to make you think long and hard before doing anything you're not 100 percent ready for.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are having a disagreement. I went into a women's clothing store to buy her a formal dress for Christmas. She has recently gotten into superb shape, and I wanted to celebrate it by buying her something formal but sexy.

I found an item I liked but was unsure how or whether it would fit her. The store manager who was helping me asked one of the salesclerks to try it on for me. She did, and I bought the dress.

My wife feels this was highly inappropriate of everyone involved -- tantamount to a "come on." Can you give me your views? -- WELL-INTENDED IN PHOENIX

DEAR WELL-INTENDED: The store manager's offer to have an employee put on the dress to show you was something that's done all the time. Your wife may be in "superb shape" physically, but emotionally she appears to be insecure. Now that you know this about her, the next time you want to buy her an item of clothing, take her with you. It won't fix what ails her, but you'll avoid another disagreement.

DEAR ABBY: Someone said something to me today that really offended me. I let her know she had hurt my feelings and her response was, "I'm sorry you took what I said the wrong way." (Abby, there was no other way to interpret it!) Essentially, she made it MY fault because I was "too sensitive."

If I said something that hurt someone's feelings, I would simply say, "I apologize. I didn't mean to hurt you." When you try to justify your actions and blame the other person for taking offense there really is no apology forthcoming -- which only makes the situation worse.

Was there a witty comeback to let this person know her lack of an apology did not go unnoticed? -- OFFENDED IN ALBUQUERQUE

DEAR OFFENDED: I wouldn't call it "witty," but it's accurate: "That's right -- blame the victim!"