DEAR ABBY: My parents divorced when I was 6, and my father remarried when I was 8. My father got custody of my brother and me. A year later, my half-sister was born and that's when my stepmother began physically and mentally abusing me.

My brother told family members about the abuse, but nothing was done. My father didn't believe us kids. The abuse finally ended when my grandparents -- my mother's parents -- saw the marks on my body and took me to an attorney. My mother got custody of me when I was 12.

My half-sister, "Liz," was only 4 when I left, so we were never close growing up. I'm now in my early 40s. Last summer, while I was visiting family, I went shopping with Liz and her daughter. Tired of all the secrets, I told her the reason I left when she was little. It came as a shock to her because her mother had never abused her.

Now my father and brother are mad at me for telling. My brother even told Liz it wasn't true to "protect" her. Was I wrong for disclosing something that happened long ago? The memories are still fresh after all these years, and doesn't it send a message to protect the abuser? -- TIRED OF SECRETS, CORONA, CALIF.

DEAR TIRED OF SECRETS: What your stepmother did was disgraceful, but you were wrong to try to exact revenge through her daughter. All it could do was cause your half-sister pain. As to your brother accusing you of lying after having revealed the truth -- that was wrong, too, because it victimized you twice.

DEAR ABBY: I am 25, and have been in a relationship with a wonderful man I'll call "Tom" for a year. Tom is attentive, caring, funny, self-sufficient and comes from a great family. In short, he's everything a woman says she wants.

So why do I still constantly look at other men? I always worry that there's someone better-suited to me and that I'm just settling. Tom is definitely the best man I've ever met, and he would make a wonderful husband and father one day. So, how do I learn to appreciate what I have instead of always seeking something better, which very well may not exist? -- WANDERING EYE IN BUFFALO, N.Y.

DEAR WANDERING EYE: Tom may be everything a woman says she wants, but your intuition may be telling you that he isn't what YOU want. Ask yourself what quality Tom is lacking that causes you to constantly look at other men with an eye to trading up, because until you figure that out, you will never be satisfied.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single woman who has recently started a career in local government. In my position, I am often invited to functions with federal, state and local officials. On more than one occasion, "royalty" has attended as well.

At these events, I am often introduced to officials or dignitaries after I am already seated. Should I stand when introduced as the men do, or as a lady, should I remain seated? I have watched other women, including a few old "pros," and the results are split. Can you please tell me what is proper and respectful in these situations? -- PROTOCOL-CHALLENGED IN INDIANA

DEAR PROTOCOL-CHALLENGED: Standing when introduced is considered a sign of respect, so when in doubt, stand up.

DEAR ABBY: When my three sons were small, I used to kiss them on the lips as a sign of affection. Now they are 13, 11 and 8, and it has been several years since I have done it. With the youngest, I can still get away with an occasional peck on the cheek -- but not my older boys.

My family roots are Scandinavian. Growing up, I used to hate that we rarely showed our emotions. I vowed to be different, but now I'm afraid I have fallen into the same nondemonstrative pattern.

As a single dad who tries hard to lead by example, how do I reintroduce this healthy demonstration of love? -- DEMONSTRATIVE DAD, LAGUNA, CALIF.

DEAR DAD: Your older boys may be less affectionate because they're a teenager and a pre-teen and concerned that kissing you would appear unmasculine or childish. It's possible that when they're older they will realize the importance of expressing warm emotions as you did.

Talk to your sons. Tell them you miss the demonstrations of affection and that while growing up you felt your family had missed out on something important. Many families are extremely affectionate, and in many cultures demonstrations of affection between males is the norm.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an active senior citizen, very involved in my community. Because I understand how important it is to stay technologically up-to-date and not be buried in "the way it was," I use a cell phone and am somewhat computer literate. But I have reached my limit of patience with the extreme dependence on cell phones on the part of my family as well as others.

It's increasingly hard to have a simple visit or dinner without constant interruption, to the point of rudeness. What has happened to us that we can't spend time together without injecting an "Oops! Need to take this call ..."

Abby, how about making a helpful list of courtesy rules to share with your readers? -- GRANDMA JOY IN RICHLAND, MISS.

DEAR GRANDMA JOY: There is really just one "rule," and it's longstanding: When carrying on a conversation -- or sharing a meal -- give your companion your undivided attention. Taking a phone call and allowing yourself to be interrupted sends a message that the person you are with is less important than the caller.

The only exceptions to this I can think of would be an emergency call from a family member, baby-sitter or employer -- or if the person being called was a doctor. Or bail bondsman.

DEAR ABBY: My extended family has frequent birthday parties, usually on Sundays. My sister-in-law recently changed jobs so she is no longer able to attend. She sends empty containers along with my brother so he can take home leftovers for her.

If we go out to a restaurant, she has him order a meal to take home. (Our mother picks up the bill.)

Personally, I think what my sister-in-law is doing is rude. Is this something new? -- LAURIE IN MINNEAPOLIS

DEAR LAURIE: It is not unusual for family members to take leftovers home from a house party if someone can't attend. But to expect a host to pay for a takeout dinner from a restaurant for a guest who did not attend is, in my opinion, presumptuous.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 16-year-old girl who is starting to seriously consider colleges and plan for the future. I found an amazing school close to home that I'd love to attend -- but there's a problem.

Two years ago, after much thought and consideration, I decided I wanted to be a doctor. My mother completely supported my choice and was more than a little happy about it.

I recently accepted a position as a tutor, and now I realize that I love being able to teach children and help them with their studies. The college I want to attend is a teaching college, not a school for premed studies.

I am confident in my decision to become a teacher, but I'm afraid my mother will be disappointed and upset that I no longer want to be a doctor. How can I tell her that my dreams have changed? -- E.D. NOT M.D. IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR E.D.: This is something that should be discussed with your guidance counselor at school. You set your goal of obtaining a medical degree when you were only 14. While your aspirations of becoming a teacher are admirable, it is possible that once you reach college and are exposed to a broader range of intellectual opportunities your goal may change again. This is why many college students declare their major upon completing their sophomore year.

As to talking about this to your mother, remember that careers in medicine and education have some things in common -- among them dedication and determination. So start practicing now.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend and I are talented artists. She receives a lot of attention for her work. She sells whenever she wants to, shows her work in New York and teaches at a prestigious school.

I have many successes in my career, but I have had to work very hard for everything. She hasn't. I am beginning to resent it because I'm growing exhausted from trying to accomplish my dreams.

I have also noticed that on occasions when I have asked my friend for help, she hasn't followed through. I am starting to conclude that she doesn't respect me. I must admit that the amount of attention she gets for her work frosts me.

Is there a chance to save this friendship, or should we part ways? Or, am I too selfish and jealous? -- TALENTED ARTIST IN CANADA

DEAR TALENTED ARTIST: Let me put it this way -- unless you are able to find it within yourself to forgive your friend for her success, then I doubt your friendship will continue much further.

DEAR ABBY: My birthday is in two months, and it's a "big" one. As of today, two people -- a close friend and my mother -- felt the need to tell me that "someone" has planned a surprise birthday party for me.

I am disgusted that they spoiled the surprise. Why would someone want to take the joy out of something that way? I will do my best to act surprised, but it won't be the same.

Abby, please tell your readers they are doing a disservice by doing this. It is not, in my opinion, the behavior of a true friend. -- BIRTHDAY GIRL-TO-BE IN GEORGIA

DEAR BIRTHDAY GIRL-TO-BE: I'll pass along your message, but as your experience shows -- some people just CAN'T keep a secret. Just as you wouldn't put water into a pitcher that leaks, it's a mistake to confide your secrets in the Town Crier. If there is an upside to this, it's that you know there are two of them in your life and who they are. Mum's the word!