DEAR ABBY: When my three sons were small, I used to kiss them on the lips as a sign of affection. Now they are 13, 11 and 8, and it has been several years since I have done it. With the youngest, I can still get away with an occasional peck on the cheek -- but not my older boys.

My family roots are Scandinavian. Growing up, I used to hate that we rarely showed our emotions. I vowed to be different, but now I'm afraid I have fallen into the same nondemonstrative pattern.

As a single dad who tries hard to lead by example, how do I reintroduce this healthy demonstration of love? -- DEMONSTRATIVE DAD, LAGUNA, CALIF.

DEAR DAD: Your older boys may be less affectionate because they're a teenager and a pre-teen and concerned that kissing you would appear unmasculine or childish. It's possible that when they're older they will realize the importance of expressing warm emotions as you did.

Talk to your sons. Tell them you miss the demonstrations of affection and that while growing up you felt your family had missed out on something important. Many families are extremely affectionate, and in many cultures demonstrations of affection between males is the norm.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an active senior citizen, very involved in my community. Because I understand how important it is to stay technologically up-to-date and not be buried in "the way it was," I use a cell phone and am somewhat computer literate. But I have reached my limit of patience with the extreme dependence on cell phones on the part of my family as well as others.

It's increasingly hard to have a simple visit or dinner without constant interruption, to the point of rudeness. What has happened to us that we can't spend time together without injecting an "Oops! Need to take this call ..."

Abby, how about making a helpful list of courtesy rules to share with your readers? -- GRANDMA JOY IN RICHLAND, MISS.

DEAR GRANDMA JOY: There is really just one "rule," and it's longstanding: When carrying on a conversation -- or sharing a meal -- give your companion your undivided attention. Taking a phone call and allowing yourself to be interrupted sends a message that the person you are with is less important than the caller.

The only exceptions to this I can think of would be an emergency call from a family member, baby-sitter or employer -- or if the person being called was a doctor. Or bail bondsman.

DEAR ABBY: My extended family has frequent birthday parties, usually on Sundays. My sister-in-law recently changed jobs so she is no longer able to attend. She sends empty containers along with my brother so he can take home leftovers for her.

If we go out to a restaurant, she has him order a meal to take home. (Our mother picks up the bill.)

Personally, I think what my sister-in-law is doing is rude. Is this something new? -- LAURIE IN MINNEAPOLIS

DEAR LAURIE: It is not unusual for family members to take leftovers home from a house party if someone can't attend. But to expect a host to pay for a takeout dinner from a restaurant for a guest who did not attend is, in my opinion, presumptuous.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 16-year-old girl who is starting to seriously consider colleges and plan for the future. I found an amazing school close to home that I'd love to attend -- but there's a problem.

Two years ago, after much thought and consideration, I decided I wanted to be a doctor. My mother completely supported my choice and was more than a little happy about it.

I recently accepted a position as a tutor, and now I realize that I love being able to teach children and help them with their studies. The college I want to attend is a teaching college, not a school for premed studies.

I am confident in my decision to become a teacher, but I'm afraid my mother will be disappointed and upset that I no longer want to be a doctor. How can I tell her that my dreams have changed? -- E.D. NOT M.D. IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR E.D.: This is something that should be discussed with your guidance counselor at school. You set your goal of obtaining a medical degree when you were only 14. While your aspirations of becoming a teacher are admirable, it is possible that once you reach college and are exposed to a broader range of intellectual opportunities your goal may change again. This is why many college students declare their major upon completing their sophomore year.

As to talking about this to your mother, remember that careers in medicine and education have some things in common -- among them dedication and determination. So start practicing now.

DEAR ABBY: My birthday is in two months, and it's a "big" one. As of today, two people -- a close friend and my mother -- felt the need to tell me that "someone" has planned a surprise birthday party for me.

I am disgusted that they spoiled the surprise. Why would someone want to take the joy out of something that way? I will do my best to act surprised, but it won't be the same.

Abby, please tell your readers they are doing a disservice by doing this. It is not, in my opinion, the behavior of a true friend. -- BIRTHDAY GIRL-TO-BE IN GEORGIA

DEAR BIRTHDAY GIRL-TO-BE: I'll pass along your message, but as your experience shows -- some people just CAN'T keep a secret. Just as you wouldn't put water into a pitcher that leaks, it's a mistake to confide your secrets in the Town Crier. If there is an upside to this, it's that you know there are two of them in your life and who they are. Mum's the word!

DEAR ABBY: My birthday is in two months, and it's a "big" one. As of today, two people -- a close friend and my mother -- felt the need to tell me that "someone" has planned a surprise birthday party for me.

I am disgusted that they spoiled the surprise. Why would someone want to take the joy out of something that way? I will do my best to act surprised, but it won't be the same.

Abby, please tell your readers they are doing a disservice by doing this. It is not, in my opinion, the behavior of a true friend. -- BIRTHDAY GIRL-TO-BE IN GEORGIA

DEAR BIRTHDAY GIRL-TO-BE: I'll pass along your message, but as your experience shows -- some people just CAN'T keep a secret. Just as you wouldn't put water into a pitcher that leaks, it's a mistake to confide your secrets in the Town Crier. If there is an upside to this, it's that you know there are two of them in your life and who they are. Mum's the word!

DEAR ABBY: Our oldest daughter is being married soon. When we pulled out our wedding album to show her our pictures, my mother-in-law, "Edith," started laughing and said she hoped our daughter's wedding would be better than ours was. Then she said our wedding had been "an embarrassment," and she wished she hadn't invited any of her friends to it!

Abby, her son and I have been married more than 25 years. This was the first time Edith has ever mentioned my "awful" wedding. My father-in-law tried to shut her up, but she went on and on about how she should have stepped in and "helped."

My husband and I think his mother should apologize, but she says we are being "too sensitive." My daughter is upset about it too.

We want Edith to be a part of our daughter's wedding and festivities, but what kind of role should I allow her to have? I'm still angry and very, very hurt. -- MOTHER OF THE BRIDE IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR MOTHER OF THE BRIDE: Could your mother-in-law have had one too many when she came out with her insensitive and rude revelation? Face it, had she truly wanted to "help," it would have been as simple as her volunteering to do so.

While an apology should be forthcoming, don't expect one. In labeling you "too sensitive," Edith was blaming the person whose face she had slapped for reacting.

While your wish to have her be a part of your daughter's wedding is laudable, the role I strongly recommend she play would be a nonspeaking one such as providing "something old, something new, something borrowed or something blue." PERIOD.

DEAR ABBY: My older brother, "Gabe," 51, lives in another state. He calls me and my other brother often, asking our advice and opinions on everything -- work, parenting and his relationships. His current relationship is like all the others have been. He either picks the wrong person or he IS the wrong person.

What concerns me is that after torturing my brother and me for hours at a time, Gabe then calls our 70-year-old mother. He subjects her to long, circular conversations and never takes any of our advice.

Despite our requests for him to stop burdening us all, especially Mom, Gabe persists. Mom is losing sleep, and she's very upset because Gabe is unhappy and because he talks to her long into the night. She doesn't want to hurt his feelings, but she's reached her limit.

Gabe sought professional help a few years ago, when he was having the same problem with a different woman. After three years of therapy his therapist -- a priest -- refused to treat him because it seemed like Gabe wasn't listening.

What can Mom do to get some peace but spare his feelings? I believe my brother has an emotional disorder, but he refuses to get help or take medication. -- OVERWHELMED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR OVERWHELMED: Gabe may indeed have an emotional problem. He may also be self-centered and in love with the sound of his own voice.

You and your brother need to impress upon your mother that her health must come first. And she needs to impress upon Gabe that her bedtime is (blank) p.m. and she will not stay up beyond that time. If necessary, she should unplug her phone to make sure her sleep isn't interrupted.

As long as Gabe has you, your brother and your mother to drain to the point of exhaustion, I hope you realize he won't seek the professional help he needs, so all of you need to finally draw the line.