DEAR ABBY: I am a 16-year-old girl who is starting to seriously consider colleges and plan for the future. I found an amazing school close to home that I'd love to attend -- but there's a problem.

Two years ago, after much thought and consideration, I decided I wanted to be a doctor. My mother completely supported my choice and was more than a little happy about it.

I recently accepted a position as a tutor, and now I realize that I love being able to teach children and help them with their studies. The college I want to attend is a teaching college, not a school for premed studies.

I am confident in my decision to become a teacher, but I'm afraid my mother will be disappointed and upset that I no longer want to be a doctor. How can I tell her that my dreams have changed? -- E.D. NOT M.D. IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR E.D.: This is something that should be discussed with your guidance counselor at school. You set your goal of obtaining a medical degree when you were only 14. While your aspirations of becoming a teacher are admirable, it is possible that once you reach college and are exposed to a broader range of intellectual opportunities your goal may change again. This is why many college students declare their major upon completing their sophomore year.

As to talking about this to your mother, remember that careers in medicine and education have some things in common -- among them dedication and determination. So start practicing now.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend and I are talented artists. She receives a lot of attention for her work. She sells whenever she wants to, shows her work in New York and teaches at a prestigious school.

I have many successes in my career, but I have had to work very hard for everything. She hasn't. I am beginning to resent it because I'm growing exhausted from trying to accomplish my dreams.

I have also noticed that on occasions when I have asked my friend for help, she hasn't followed through. I am starting to conclude that she doesn't respect me. I must admit that the amount of attention she gets for her work frosts me.

Is there a chance to save this friendship, or should we part ways? Or, am I too selfish and jealous? -- TALENTED ARTIST IN CANADA

DEAR TALENTED ARTIST: Let me put it this way -- unless you are able to find it within yourself to forgive your friend for her success, then I doubt your friendship will continue much further.

DEAR ABBY: My birthday is in two months, and it's a "big" one. As of today, two people -- a close friend and my mother -- felt the need to tell me that "someone" has planned a surprise birthday party for me.

I am disgusted that they spoiled the surprise. Why would someone want to take the joy out of something that way? I will do my best to act surprised, but it won't be the same.

Abby, please tell your readers they are doing a disservice by doing this. It is not, in my opinion, the behavior of a true friend. -- BIRTHDAY GIRL-TO-BE IN GEORGIA

DEAR BIRTHDAY GIRL-TO-BE: I'll pass along your message, but as your experience shows -- some people just CAN'T keep a secret. Just as you wouldn't put water into a pitcher that leaks, it's a mistake to confide your secrets in the Town Crier. If there is an upside to this, it's that you know there are two of them in your life and who they are. Mum's the word!

DEAR ABBY: Our oldest daughter is being married soon. When we pulled out our wedding album to show her our pictures, my mother-in-law, "Edith," started laughing and said she hoped our daughter's wedding would be better than ours was. Then she said our wedding had been "an embarrassment," and she wished she hadn't invited any of her friends to it!

Abby, her son and I have been married more than 25 years. This was the first time Edith has ever mentioned my "awful" wedding. My father-in-law tried to shut her up, but she went on and on about how she should have stepped in and "helped."

My husband and I think his mother should apologize, but she says we are being "too sensitive." My daughter is upset about it too.

We want Edith to be a part of our daughter's wedding and festivities, but what kind of role should I allow her to have? I'm still angry and very, very hurt. -- MOTHER OF THE BRIDE IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR MOTHER OF THE BRIDE: Could your mother-in-law have had one too many when she came out with her insensitive and rude revelation? Face it, had she truly wanted to "help," it would have been as simple as her volunteering to do so.

While an apology should be forthcoming, don't expect one. In labeling you "too sensitive," Edith was blaming the person whose face she had slapped for reacting.

While your wish to have her be a part of your daughter's wedding is laudable, the role I strongly recommend she play would be a nonspeaking one such as providing "something old, something new, something borrowed or something blue." PERIOD.

DEAR ABBY: My older brother, "Gabe," 51, lives in another state. He calls me and my other brother often, asking our advice and opinions on everything -- work, parenting and his relationships. His current relationship is like all the others have been. He either picks the wrong person or he IS the wrong person.

What concerns me is that after torturing my brother and me for hours at a time, Gabe then calls our 70-year-old mother. He subjects her to long, circular conversations and never takes any of our advice.

Despite our requests for him to stop burdening us all, especially Mom, Gabe persists. Mom is losing sleep, and she's very upset because Gabe is unhappy and because he talks to her long into the night. She doesn't want to hurt his feelings, but she's reached her limit.

Gabe sought professional help a few years ago, when he was having the same problem with a different woman. After three years of therapy his therapist -- a priest -- refused to treat him because it seemed like Gabe wasn't listening.

What can Mom do to get some peace but spare his feelings? I believe my brother has an emotional disorder, but he refuses to get help or take medication. -- OVERWHELMED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR OVERWHELMED: Gabe may indeed have an emotional problem. He may also be self-centered and in love with the sound of his own voice.

You and your brother need to impress upon your mother that her health must come first. And she needs to impress upon Gabe that her bedtime is (blank) p.m. and she will not stay up beyond that time. If necessary, she should unplug her phone to make sure her sleep isn't interrupted.

As long as Gabe has you, your brother and your mother to drain to the point of exhaustion, I hope you realize he won't seek the professional help he needs, so all of you need to finally draw the line.

DEAR ABBY: You missed an important clue in the letter from "Must Choose in Maryland" (Nov. 30), who is considering moving to improve her daughter's school life. Abby, the child is only 7. She has been in public school for three years, so the private school where she "flourished" was PRESCHOOL.

Many children encounter problems when school becomes more difficult and grading is involved. Before moving and losing her "great job, wonderful friends and comfortable lifestyle," that mother should try more options.

"Must Choose" should consider having her daughter tested for learning disabilities or physical problems. She needs to work with her daughter's school and teachers, and maybe employ private tutoring or counseling to find methods that improve the way her daughter learns. It's possible that if they move, they will only take their problems with them. -- FORMER PRESCHOOL AND PUBLIC SCHOOL TEACHER

DEAR TEACHER: I appreciate your offering your insight. Many readers pointed out how important it is for this mother to be proactive during any transition in her child's life. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Most children are successful in school at age 4. Before uprooting her family, "Must Choose" should meet with the school's principal and teachers to determine exactly why her daughter "hates" school.

What criteria, other than her daughter's feelings, is she using as an indicator that the schools are awful? Test data, facilities, community support, teacher qualifications, etc. should be reviewed. Moving won't ensure a successful educational experience for her daughter. Understanding and dealing with what's at the root of the child's failure will. -- CAROL IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: "Must Choose" needs to examine her daughter's situation more carefully. In preschool, children generally learn social skills, with some introduction to letters and numbers. From kindergarten to second grade, classroom instruction in mathematical and reading skills carry expectations of mastery.

Comparing the enthusiasm and success of preschool to grade school achievements is like comparing apples to oranges. Her daughter may be exhibiting signs of learning disabilities much before second grade because children develop at different rates. It is when they begin to learn to read and do mathematical computations that these difficulties are recognized.

I encourage this mother to talk with her daughter's teacher. She may find an ally there who is as invested in her daughter's social and academic success as she is -- and not an enemy. -- JENNI IN WARRENTON, MO.

DEAR ABBY: If "Must Choose" keeps moving, a new group of educators will have to start from scratch to evaluate the issues. As a public school teacher in a diverse district, I often see parents run from the school rather than work to help their children succeed. That mother needs to work with the professional educators in her district to get to the bottom of her child's problems. -- OHIO TEACHER

DEAR ABBY: "Public" education should not automatically translate to "substandard." Good teachers in public or private schools encourage and support students at multiple stages of development.

"Must Choose" should spend time in her daughter's classroom to observe, volunteer and ask questions. If there's a problem, intervention needs to happen sooner rather than later. Open, honest and constructive feedback directed toward a solution is in order. -- EDUCATIONAL SOAPBOX, U.S.A.

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