DEAR ABBY: Shortly before my wedding, I decided to have my teeth fixed. The dentist quoted me a price of $4,000, which my husband and I could not afford since we were paying for our entire wedding.

My parents agreed to pay the dental bill as soon as it arrived. However, there is now a "stipulation." They are demanding the full list -- including exact dollar amounts -- of what EACH of our guests gave us for wedding gifts. If I refuse, my parents now say our previous verbal agreement is worthless, and my husband can cover my dental bill.

Am I wrong for not wanting to give them the dollar amount or tell them what each guest gave at our wedding? They call me at work and insist I tell them because they "must" know if their family and friends "disrespected" them. I feel that whatever people gave us is whatever they could afford, and my husband and I are very happy with the gifts we received. -- NEWLYWED IN DARIEN, CONN.

DEAR NEWLYWED: Your parents are wrong to attempt to blackmail you into sharing the list with them. That information is none of their business. I hope you stand firm, call your dentist and work out a payment plan.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 73-year-old man in reasonably good health who would like to own a dog. However, I have two concerns: A dog might outlive me, or I might outlive the dog -- which would be traumatic for me. I'd appreciate your opinion. -- THINKING OF ADOPTING IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR THINKING: It is well known that pets lower levels of stress and depression. Adopting a dog could give you a new "leash" on life because responsible pet owners must establish a regular routine and exercise their animals.

However, before you take the plunge, consult your doctor about whether you're healthy enough to have one, and ask a veterinarian about the care it will require and whether you should adopt an adult dog rather than a puppy. Then talk to your lawyer about ensuring that, in the event of your death, your faithful companion will be cared for until it joins you in the Great Puppy Park in the sky.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing this as a mother of four and an operating room nurse for 30 years. Once again, I had to pull a crying mother from her child so I could take the child into the operating room.

I understand that a child having surgery is upsetting and stressful. My own children have had to have surgical procedures done, so I know the feeling. But if I can help parents understand one thing, it would be that the child looks to the parent for support. If the mother is crying and clinging at the bedside, the message the child receives is: If Mom is that upset, something bad must be about to happen to me.

No one is implying that you do not love your child or you are not worried about him or her, but it does no one any good if you have to be peeled off your child. Please send your little one off with kisses and encouraging words, and the child will be a little less frightened. -- WISCONSIN R.N.

DEAR WISCONSIN R.N.: I'm printing your letter verbatim. As traumatic as sending a child into surgery can be for both parent and child, the words a child needs to hear are, "You'll be going to sleep, and when you wake up, Mommy will be right here. I love you. Now give me a kiss." For the child's sake, venting for stress relief should be saved for the waiting room.

DEAR ABBY: We had a repairman in our home yesterday who needed to leave to go to the hardware store for a part. My wife told him: "I have to go to pick up my son, so here's my spare key. Let yourself back in."

Abby, we do not know this man from Adam! He easily could have copied our key -- he was going to the hardware store, after all -- and returned to burglarize our home, or worse. We have three young children.

I realize my wife was in a tough spot. I know I should have more faith in the goodness of humanity, but I feel she put our family at risk. I'm considering having my locks changed. Your thoughts on the matter would be much appreciated. -- PROTECTIVE IN LIVERMORE, CALIF.

DEAR PROTECTIVE: You should not have a repairman in your home at any time unless the person is licensed, bonded, and you have checked his references. If, heaven forbid, a home is burglarized, the owners should tell the police about any "stranger" who has been on the premises. And if you would sleep better at night knowing you had changed the locks as a precaution, then that's what you should do.

DEAR ABBY: I know thank-you notes are in order for wedding gifts, graduation presents and special anniversary gifts -- but can the practice be overdone?

A woman in our group, "Bev," delights in sending thank-you notes for every little thing. She means well, but it makes the rest of us feel awkward.

Example: One day she dropped by as I was preparing a tuna sandwich for lunch, so I offered her one. We ate them on paper plates with a cup of tea. A few days later, a thank-you note arrived, which surprised me.

Abby, neither my mother nor I have ever sent or expected thank-you notes for casual visits. We're a group of older ladies who are just pleased to have friends who gather for lunch on birthdays or help each other out with small favors. We see and talk to each other often.

I don't want to offend Bev and will reply in kind to her, but have told others a simple thank you in person or a phone call will suffice for me. They agree. What do you think? -- GOOD FRIENDS IN ARIZONA

DEAR GOOD FRIEND: Because Bev may not be aware of your feelings on the subject, I think you should also tell HER that in the future a simple thank you in person or a phone call will suffice.

DEAR ABBY: I have a question I can't ask of anyone but you. I am 84 years old, and I have been a widow for 10 years. I worked as a secretary all my life.

I am torn about accepting requests from a man I used to work for to "come and visit" him. This is not an invitation for a date -- dinner, a movie, a drive. It's nothing but "a visit."

This happened before when I was divorced and living alone. The "visit" consisted of hugging, kissing and sex. That's all. It made me feel cheap.

Although I would love to be kissed and hugged by a man as handsome as George Clooney, I feel he is trying to use me. There is never any mention of a "date." Please hasten your reply and tell me how I should handle this. -- FEELING USED IN BELLEVILLE, ILL.

DEAR FEELING USED: The next time "Prince Charming" calls and asks you to pay a house call, smile into the receiver (which will make your tone warmer and friendlier) and tell him you'd be "delighted" to see him -- when he picks you up, takes you to dinner or a movie or even for a drive. And stick to your guns.

DEAR ABBY: When my partner and I eat at a restaurant, the server often clears my partner's plate before I am finished. I am not a slow eater, but I generally finish after she does.

When the server removes her plate, I'm left feeling like I have to rush to finish my meal and that our "shared dinner time" is over.

Am I wrong to feel that it's rude to take away the dishes before everyone at the table is done? As a hostess at home, I wait until the entire table is finished eating before I clear. On the other hand, just about every place where we eat out does this, so maybe I should get used to it. What do you think? -- SUE IN GLOUCESTER, MASS.

DEAR SUE: Here in the United States, it is common for servers to take the empty plates from the table. In Europe, diners often linger over a meal, enjoying coffee -- a liqueur, perhaps -- and good conversation.

How does your partner feel about having her plate cleared? If she would prefer that it remain while you finish your dinner, all she needs to do is say to the server, "Please leave it until Sue is done." If she's unwilling to do that, then I think you'll have to get used to it.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance died three years ago of cancer. He was only 27. His diagnosis was a shock, and he was gone from complications of treatment barely a month later.

Prior to this, while planning our life together, I became close with his family. After his death, I don't know what I'd have done if they hadn't been there for me. Although many people sympathized, my almost-in-laws came closest to understanding my devastation and pain. Simply put, we helped each other through it.

We remain close to this day. I spend time with his mom and sisters, am invited to birthday dinners and holidays, and we get together on his birthday and the anniversary of his passing.

Is this OK? Is it normal? When people hear that we're still so close, I have had reactions from, "That's wonderful!" to "You're holding onto the past." Although there are still some tears, there is now more laughter when we share memories. And I have begun dating again.

I don't feel that by preserving our relationship we are stuck in the past. Do you? -- DOUBTING IN WALNUT CREEK, CALIF.

DEAR DOUBTING: There are degrees of involvement. You came very close to being an official member of that family, but fate thought otherwise. Whether your ties remain as tight when you fall in love again remains to be seen. But for now you are all meeting each other's needs -- and as long as it doesn't hold you back, it's all right with me.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I married four years ago. My oldest daughter dates my husband's brother and they're expecting a baby together, although they are not married.

Can you please tell me what this child should call me, my husband and our other children? We're confused about it and don't want the child to be confused about who's who. Any help you can offer on this will be greatly appreciated. -- TAMI IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TAMI: You are the baby's biological grandmother, and your husband is the baby's biological uncle and step-grandfather. Your children are going to be aunts or uncles. Congratulations to all of you.