DEAR ABBY: We had a repairman in our home yesterday who needed to leave to go to the hardware store for a part. My wife told him: "I have to go to pick up my son, so here's my spare key. Let yourself back in."

Abby, we do not know this man from Adam! He easily could have copied our key -- he was going to the hardware store, after all -- and returned to burglarize our home, or worse. We have three young children.

I realize my wife was in a tough spot. I know I should have more faith in the goodness of humanity, but I feel she put our family at risk. I'm considering having my locks changed. Your thoughts on the matter would be much appreciated. -- PROTECTIVE IN LIVERMORE, CALIF.

DEAR PROTECTIVE: You should not have a repairman in your home at any time unless the person is licensed, bonded, and you have checked his references. If, heaven forbid, a home is burglarized, the owners should tell the police about any "stranger" who has been on the premises. And if you would sleep better at night knowing you had changed the locks as a precaution, then that's what you should do.

DEAR ABBY: I know thank-you notes are in order for wedding gifts, graduation presents and special anniversary gifts -- but can the practice be overdone?

A woman in our group, "Bev," delights in sending thank-you notes for every little thing. She means well, but it makes the rest of us feel awkward.

Example: One day she dropped by as I was preparing a tuna sandwich for lunch, so I offered her one. We ate them on paper plates with a cup of tea. A few days later, a thank-you note arrived, which surprised me.

Abby, neither my mother nor I have ever sent or expected thank-you notes for casual visits. We're a group of older ladies who are just pleased to have friends who gather for lunch on birthdays or help each other out with small favors. We see and talk to each other often.

I don't want to offend Bev and will reply in kind to her, but have told others a simple thank you in person or a phone call will suffice for me. They agree. What do you think? -- GOOD FRIENDS IN ARIZONA

DEAR GOOD FRIEND: Because Bev may not be aware of your feelings on the subject, I think you should also tell HER that in the future a simple thank you in person or a phone call will suffice.

DEAR ABBY: I have a question I can't ask of anyone but you. I am 84 years old, and I have been a widow for 10 years. I worked as a secretary all my life.

I am torn about accepting requests from a man I used to work for to "come and visit" him. This is not an invitation for a date -- dinner, a movie, a drive. It's nothing but "a visit."

This happened before when I was divorced and living alone. The "visit" consisted of hugging, kissing and sex. That's all. It made me feel cheap.

Although I would love to be kissed and hugged by a man as handsome as George Clooney, I feel he is trying to use me. There is never any mention of a "date." Please hasten your reply and tell me how I should handle this. -- FEELING USED IN BELLEVILLE, ILL.

DEAR FEELING USED: The next time "Prince Charming" calls and asks you to pay a house call, smile into the receiver (which will make your tone warmer and friendlier) and tell him you'd be "delighted" to see him -- when he picks you up, takes you to dinner or a movie or even for a drive. And stick to your guns.

DEAR ABBY: When my partner and I eat at a restaurant, the server often clears my partner's plate before I am finished. I am not a slow eater, but I generally finish after she does.

When the server removes her plate, I'm left feeling like I have to rush to finish my meal and that our "shared dinner time" is over.

Am I wrong to feel that it's rude to take away the dishes before everyone at the table is done? As a hostess at home, I wait until the entire table is finished eating before I clear. On the other hand, just about every place where we eat out does this, so maybe I should get used to it. What do you think? -- SUE IN GLOUCESTER, MASS.

DEAR SUE: Here in the United States, it is common for servers to take the empty plates from the table. In Europe, diners often linger over a meal, enjoying coffee -- a liqueur, perhaps -- and good conversation.

How does your partner feel about having her plate cleared? If she would prefer that it remain while you finish your dinner, all she needs to do is say to the server, "Please leave it until Sue is done." If she's unwilling to do that, then I think you'll have to get used to it.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance died three years ago of cancer. He was only 27. His diagnosis was a shock, and he was gone from complications of treatment barely a month later.

Prior to this, while planning our life together, I became close with his family. After his death, I don't know what I'd have done if they hadn't been there for me. Although many people sympathized, my almost-in-laws came closest to understanding my devastation and pain. Simply put, we helped each other through it.

We remain close to this day. I spend time with his mom and sisters, am invited to birthday dinners and holidays, and we get together on his birthday and the anniversary of his passing.

Is this OK? Is it normal? When people hear that we're still so close, I have had reactions from, "That's wonderful!" to "You're holding onto the past." Although there are still some tears, there is now more laughter when we share memories. And I have begun dating again.

I don't feel that by preserving our relationship we are stuck in the past. Do you? -- DOUBTING IN WALNUT CREEK, CALIF.

DEAR DOUBTING: There are degrees of involvement. You came very close to being an official member of that family, but fate thought otherwise. Whether your ties remain as tight when you fall in love again remains to be seen. But for now you are all meeting each other's needs -- and as long as it doesn't hold you back, it's all right with me.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I married four years ago. My oldest daughter dates my husband's brother and they're expecting a baby together, although they are not married.

Can you please tell me what this child should call me, my husband and our other children? We're confused about it and don't want the child to be confused about who's who. Any help you can offer on this will be greatly appreciated. -- TAMI IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TAMI: You are the baby's biological grandmother, and your husband is the baby's biological uncle and step-grandfather. Your children are going to be aunts or uncles. Congratulations to all of you.

DEAR ABBY: My parents just aren't "there" for me anymore. I need to be able to go to them for advice, but now I can't. They get mad when I ask them for help on anything. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I mean, I cook, clean, help around the house, but it doesn't seem to help.

Please don't get me wrong. I love my parents, but they get mad so easily. I'm not sure if it's because they're aging -- they are 44 and 46 -- or if it's something I have done. I also feel like they aren't being fair to me because my siblings, who are younger AND older than I am, get more privileges than I do.

I just want a better relationship with my parents, the kind I had when I was younger. I mean, I haven't changed. (I only changed fashions. Like, I dress better and stuff.) Oh, and in case you're wondering, my parents don't drink or smoke.

So how do I talk to them in a way they will understand and consider thinking about my feelings without getting mad? -- ANONYMOUS TEEN, PASCO, WASH.

DEAR TEEN: You may not be doing anything wrong. Many adults are under pressure in the workplace and/or financially -- which can make them appear to be short-tempered and distracted. Your parents may also be trying to encourage you to think independently or be less reliant on them for advice. Maybe you should ask your parents what's wrong.

I don't know them, but at 44 and 46, I am sure their problem isn't "aging" because they are in the prime of their lives. However, if their problem is stress-related, the next time you want to discuss something serious, try it about an hour after dinner when they are relaxed and not distracted, and you may have better luck.

DEAR ABBY: I recently attended a concert in the hall that is home to our local symphony orchestra. Imagine my dismay when the couple sitting behind me proceeded to unwrap candy, then crumple up and throw the wrappers on the floor.

It was, to say the least, distracting -- and leaving the wrappers on the floor was low class. For pity's sake, folks, clean up after yourselves!

In this age of food allergies, eating peanut butter snacks in a crowded concert hall seems a doubly poor choice. Abby, would you please remind your readers to remember their manners during a live performance? -- APPALLED IN AKRON, OHIO

DEAR APPALLED: Your frustration is understandable, and I hope your letter will serve as a reminder to concert- and theatergoers not to check their manners with their overcoats at the door.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an 18-year-old, married Marine and expecting my first bundle of joy. I'm depressed. My job stresses me out a lot, and the thought of having to put my newborn in day care 10-plus hours a day is killing me.

I have been thinking about trying to get out so I can raise my child. My husband intends to stay in the service for life. Being stationed so far from home, I have no help and know little about raising a child. So I'm trying to figure out -- should I stay or try to get out? -- MILITARY MOM-TO-BE IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MILITARY MOM-TO-BE: Only you can make that decision, but before you do, there are two individuals I'm advising you to consult: The first is the officer in charge of your unit, and the second is your chaplain.