DEAR ABBY: I had to respond to "Blushing in San Francisco" (Nov. 21), the 11-year-old girl who's embarrassed because her mother sings and dances in the mall. I was that mother a few years ago.

My daughter and I shopped in trendy stores where the music was really loud, and when she saw me bob my head and move to the music, she would shake her head "no." I'd do it again -- just to torture her. As she tried on clothes, she would pop out and say, "Have you been dancing again? This is a no-dancing zone!" We laugh about it now.

When I teach, I tell my students what I did. They tell me unanimously that they would die if I were their mom -- to which I respond that it's my job to make them miserable.

As the Bee Gees sang, "You should be daaaancin', yeah!" -- STILL DANCING IN GRANITE CITY, ILL.

DEAR STILL DANCING: Your letter was among hundreds I received pointing out that "Blushing in San Francisco's" dilemma is universal. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My husband is a contractor, and his office is in our home. He enjoys playing music while he works, and we often hear him singing happily along.

One evening when my daughter was 11, she had some friends over and was trying her best to ignore the fact that her dad was singing while he worked, and hoping her friends wouldn't notice. All went well until Shania Twain came on and he started singing along to "Man! I Feel Like a Woman!"

We all laughed hysterically, and it's still one of our favorite memories. My daughter saw that her dad could laugh at himself, and that her friends enjoyed the humor without losing respect for him.

Not to take oneself too seriously was the lesson learned. It's one we all need reminding about occasionally. -- STILL LAUGHING IN SAN JOSE

DEAR ABBY: When my daughter was about 8, I was walking her to the door of her school and thought I'd have some fun with her, so I started acting like a cross between the Hunchback of Notre Dame, Dracula and the Mummy. When I asked if I was embarrassing her, she responded: "Why would I be embarrassed? You're the one acting silly!" I immediately stopped because she was right. What she understood at her tender age was that you can only be responsible for your own actions. -- MOM IN HAMILTON, ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR ABBY: My advice to "Blushing" is to enjoy her mother while she has her. When I was in my teens, my dad mortified me with his dancing whenever we went to the grocery store. While pushing his shopping cart, Dad would bebop up and down the aisles. As an adolescent, it embarrassed me to no end.

I look back now and regard my father's dancing fondly -- mainly because I have two delightful small children who inherited their grandfather's love of dancing. When I see them "perform," I know my dad is looking down from heaven and chuckling, too. -- PROUD MOM IN GEORGIA

DEAR ABBY: I was embarrassed every time I went to the mall with my mom because she'd usually burst into show tunes before we got out of the parking lot.

I am now 40, and I sing in parking lots, too. I finally understand that the most valuable lesson my mother ever taught me was to let that song in my heart out and not care what anybody else thinks. It's empowering, and "Blushing" should give it a try. -- SECOND-GENERATION SINGER

DEAR SINGER: One of these days, try it in a parking structure. The acoustics are as good as any you'll find in a recording studio. -- LA-LA IN L.A. aka DEAR ABBY

DEAR ABBY: My mother is a spry, 75-year-old woman who has expressed an unusual request. She has told us "kids" that when she is called by the angels, she wants to be dressed in an aqua nightgown or PJs, and to be lying on her side. She says she will be sleeping for a long time, and she wants to make sure she's comfortable. She also says if we don't carry out her wishes, she will come back and haunt us.

I have attended many wakes, but I can honestly say I have never seen anything like this done before. What do you think? -- WANTS TO DO RIGHT BY MAMA IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR WANTS TO DO RIGHT: I think it's wonderful that your mother is discussing this now -- and I hope your letter will encourage more readers to begin this kind of important conversation with their loved ones.

Because the alternative is to be "haunted" to eternity, you should honor your mother's wishes. But because laws vary from state to state, readers who want to find out what the law is in their state should visit � HYPERLINK "http://www.funerals.org" ��www.funerals.org� and view the Personal Preference page.

DEAR ABBY: My son "Pete," who is in his late 20s, has had a battle with drugs since he was 17. After numerous trips to rehab, thousands of dollars and too many heartbreaks to number, his dad and I decided to tell him he is no longer welcome in our home.

We did not reach this decision lightly. We have other children and grandchildren to consider.

We have lived in this small town all our lives. I don't know how to answer people's questions about why we have no contact with Pete or why we haven't tried other solutions. I have cried myself to sleep many nights over careless comments that have been made.

We love our son dearly, but we can no longer be his crutch to lean on. Please tell me how to answer these people without being rude and hurtful. -- DESPERATE MOM IN LOUISIANA

DEAR MOM: The thoughts you conveyed in your letter are excellent replies to thoughtless people who question your decision. You DID try "other solutions." They didn't work, and there are other relatives who must be considered.

Sometimes addicts must hit bottom before they finally accept that -- in the final analysis -- they have to help themselves recover. If you are questioned more than once, tell the person plainly that this was a painful decision for you and your husband and to please not raise the subject again.

DEAR ABBY: I have purchased season tickets for the local professional hockey team from a former co-worker for the last five years. We worked together for eight years and had a good relationship until this recent issue.

This year, when I called to ask about the tickets, she informed me that she had already sold them on Craigslist. I was upset because she didn't offer them to me first. I would have paid her the asking price without complaint.

I understand that they were her tickets and she could do what she wanted with them, but I feel she was inconsiderate and rude not to at least offer them to me before selling them to a total stranger. We are no longer speaking. Who's in the right? -- MAD IN MINNESOTA

DEAR MAD: She should have warned you -- but if it ended the friendship, it couldn't have been much of one to begin with.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: I have chosen to celebrate my children's birthdays with family and one friend. I want my children to understand early on that birthdays are not about getting loads of gifts, but to celebrate life with family. We are invited to many parties for their friends and classmates, but I have always chosen to attend only those of our close friends.

I find it disheartening to watch children these days rip into a bunch of gifts and toss them aside without saying thank you or even commenting on the gift. It's all about the next package and the volume.

Because of this, I'm considering no longer giving a gift but making a donation to a charity in honor of the birthday boy or girl instead. But I'm worried about the reaction I'll get from friends. On the other hand, I feel much better about donating to a worthwhile charity instead of another toy for children who already have so much these days. Is a donation appropriate instead of a gift? -- WONDERING IN BIRMINGHAM

DEAR WONDERING: Your sentiments are noble, but your teaching method is heavy-handed and I don't recommend it. If the children are in grammar school, a donation in their name to a charity will go over like a lead balloon.

Teach your children proper manners by explaining how to practice them and setting a good example. By preventing them from interacting socially with their friends and classmates, you are slowing down their socialization and isolating them.

Because you prefer that your children not receive "loads of gifts," when you plan their birthday celebrations, explain your philosophy to your family and your one friend and also to your children. Then let your kids choose a charity and request that attendees bring an item to be donated. That way all the children can enjoy themselves and learn the satisfaction that comes from helping others at the same time.

DEAR ABBY: My mother -- who is 50 -- divorced her husband about a year ago. I fully supported her through the divorce, but now I am beginning to regret it. I feel as if I have been taking the place of my father when, at 22, I should be finding my way and exploring the world.

I hate myself for feeling this way because I love my mother. I want her to be happy, but she does not try to meet new people or make friends. I find myself staying at home so she won't be alone, and I know I'm missing out. Should I talk to my mother about this? -- DAUGHTER IN NEW YORK

DEAR DAUGHTER: Yes. Do it now, before resentment builds and you reach the point where you say something you'll regret. Do it when you are both in a relaxed mood and won't be interrupted.

Explain that you are worried about her and because she is now a free woman it's time for her to develop new interests and meet new people. Encourage her to get out, be active, join social or charitable groups, take classes -- ANYTHING but sit at home alone.

And stop making yourself so available for mother-sitting. You are young and you have a right to a life. You'll be doing both you and your mom a favor if you stop allowing her to be so emotionally dependent upon you.