DEAR ABBY: "Happy Being Me in Massachusetts" (Nov. 20) is a large girl whose mother told her "heavy women are not desirable." Well, I was a size 18/20 and weighed more than 200 pounds when I met my husband while out with mutual friends. He's good-looking, smart, witty, affectionate and passionate. He's everything a woman looks for in a life partner.

He had never dated a plus-size woman before, but he was smitten from the moment he saw me, and pursued me from the start because he thought I have a beautiful face and a great personality. We have one child and another on the way, and he finds me as appealing now as he did the night we met.

No woman should ever "settle" for a partner, and "Happy" should not do so just because her mother thinks she's "too heavy." That mother is trying to pass her low self-esteem issues along to her daughter, and I hope "Happy" is savvy enough to brush it off. Big girls can be sexy, too, because there's nothing sexier than confidence. -- MICHELLE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR MICHELLE: The letters of encouragement in support of "Happy" have far outweighed her mother's negative stance. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Happy Being Me" needs to know that there are men like me who prefer plus-size women. My wife weighs 275 pounds, and I think she's gorgeous. "Happy" just needs to put herself out there, and one of us will find her. -- HAPPY WITH MY LARGE LADY

DEAR ABBY: I met my first husband when I wore a much smaller size. As the years went on, my size increased. He ended up leaving me for a smaller girl.

After our split, I moved home and the first words out of my mother's mouth were, "You need to work on yourself because you're not going to find someone new looking like you do." It was extremely hurtful, but beyond that, it was WRONG.

Less than a year after my divorce, I was in a healthy relationship with a man who loved me for myself. We married, have a baby and are living happily ever after. The size of my jeans has never mattered to my hubby -- only the size of my heart. -- BIG JEANS, BIGGER HEART

DEAR ABBY: In the past, I admit I was one of those men who wouldn't look twice at a large girl. Then I met my wife. She wasn't exactly petite, but it didn't matter. She truly is the girl of my dreams.

We have both gained some weight over the years, but size really doesn't matter. "Happy's" mother is wrong. The right woman can always find the right man. -- LUCKY MAN IN ALBUQUERQUE

DEAR ABBY: I attend dances every month that support women of size. I met my dream man at one of them a few months ago. He is kind, supportive, handsome and loves my body. (And I love his!)

Because society says that a larger woman isn't attractive doesn't mean EVERYONE thinks so. When I started going to functions for plus-sized women at the age of 26, I found a whole new world where I was accepted and welcomed.

"Happy" should get on to her Web browser and look for "Big Beautiful Women" groups in her area. Love is out there -- for ALL body types. -- LARGE AND IN LOVE

DEAR ABBY: My mother, who is big, wonderful and loving, made me appreciate large women. My wife was small in high school and "blossomed" later. I love my "big gal wife" and support her in every way possible. If she wants to change her appearance, then I want her to do it for herself. And if she's happy the way she is, I'm OK with that, too. "Happy Being Me" just needs to be confident in her own skin and she will find "Mr. Right," not "Mr. Right Now." -- BRIAN IN WISCONSIN

DEAR ABBY: I have always been a curious and motivated person. Because of it, I pursued higher education and became a college professor. Most of my siblings have also gone to college. However, their significant others have varying levels of education.

I like to think of myself as a nice person, but my siblings have let me know that when I converse with their partners, I often come across as patronizing. Do these partners need to be less sensitive, or do I need to be more so? -- THE GOOD PROFESSOR

DEAR PROF: If only one of your siblings had told you that you often come across as patronizing, I'd say his or her partner might be overly sensitive. However, because more than one has said it, it's time for a self-check. Book smarts are an undeniable asset, but sensitivity to others can be even more important. If you talk down to people, no matter how "smart" you are, eventually they will run away from you.

Do you feel compelled to "correct" those whom you know to have less education than you? Do you speak in polysyllables when a few simple words will do? If the answers to these questions are affirmative, you need to be more socially sensitive when you're with your family -- and possibly when you're in the classroom as well.

DEAR ABBY: My parents divorced when my older brother and I were small. Mom remarried, and I was adopted by the wonderful man who raised me as his beloved daughter. I had limited contact with my biological father, "Nate," which seemed to please everyone.

After my adopted dad passed, Nate came back into my life. I have not seen much of him but he was present at my second marriage five years ago, traveling across country to be there.

Last month he called to tell me he has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and has named me as his heir since my older brother is deceased.

As a birthday gift, I presented him with a box from a company that does genome sequencing. It allows people to see their DNA and learn about their ancestry as well as any health-related issues. I enjoyed learning about genetics and thought Nate would, too.

Imagine how stunned I was when I learned that Nate is NOT my father. The company has assured me there is little chance the test is wrong, and they are certain we are not related.

I am close to my mother and horrified that she kept this secret from me for more than 50 years. I don't want anyone to be hurt, but I need the truth. What do I do? -- QUESTIONING MY DNA IN S.F.

DEAR QUESTIONING: Have a calm, private conversation with your mother and tell her what you have learned. If she denies it, have the test repeated. When you receive the results, either apologize to your mother or raise the subject again. She may know who your father was, or you may have been the result of an opening shot in the sexual revolution, a chapter your mother may not care to revisit.

DEAR ABBY: I rent my own apartment and my family lives an hour's drive away. My boyfriend of one year, "Mac," lives about 10 minutes from me and spends the night a few times a week and vice-versa.

I got the flu last month and it developed into bronchitis. I was so sick I could barely drag myself out of bed. I asked Mac to come over and take care of me and he said, "No, I don't want to get sick. I'll come by when you're better."

Abby, if someone cares about you, don't you think he should help out -- maybe make some soup, give you water at your bedside and just be there in general? If Mac got sick like that, I would go over and take care of him. But he wasn't willing to do the same. He said he doesn't feel it is "his job."

I am upset by this. Is it an indication of how he would be if we got married? -- IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH

DEAR IN SICKNESS: Yup. It appears Mac isn't the nurturing kind. However, if he has everything else you're looking for in a man, this needn't be a deal breaker. Instead of expecting him to intuit what you need, try telling him what you want. Example: "Send some soup over." "Please empty the trash." "Call an ambulance." You get the idea. If that doesn't do the trick, then scratch Mac.

DEAR ABBY: One of my bosses insists on using his speakerphone for conversations -- business and personal -- with his office door wide open. He speaks loudly, and both sides of the conversation can be clearly heard throughout the office. He also walks through the hallways with his cell on speakerphone.

Everyone who works here finds his behavior annoying and boorish. No one says anything, and he doesn't get the message when a chorus of doors slam shut each time he begins one of these calls or walks by with his cell phone blasting. Any ideas on how to address this issue? -- UNWILLING THIRD PARTY IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR UNWILLING: Is no one, including your boss's assistant, close enough to him to tell him that his loud phone conversations are distracting his employees and colleagues and offer to shut his door for him so he can have privacy? Most employers would prefer their workers and colleagues operate at maximum capacity, particularly in this economy.

DEAR ABBY: Please settle a dispute between my wife and me. One of her co-workers, "Cassie," is eight months pregnant and also overweight. My wife saw her and said, "Wow, you've gotten as big as a house!"

Cassie told her she was hurt by the comment. In my wife's opinion, what she said is not uncommon when said to a pregnant woman and she thinks Cassie was overly sensitive. I believe the comment was inappropriate. What do you think? -- NEEDS A MEDIATOR, GAINESVILLE, FLA.

DEAR NEEDS A MEDIATOR: I agree with you. No one -- pregnant or not -- wants to be told she resembles an orca, and your wife should have kept her observation to herself.