DEAR ABBY: I'm a 40-year-old single mom who shares a close relationship with my 12-year-old son, "Troy." I earn a decent living, but I can't afford extravagances like yearly vacations.

My mother and sister are considerably better off financially than I am. They constantly suggest great ideas for vacations -- theme parks, cruises or skydiving -- in front of Troy. I always feel terrible when I must explain to him that we just can't afford it.

I provide for my son and he doesn't want for much, but when Mom and Sis bring these things up, I feel like such a failure. How can I handle this without feeling like the bad guy? -- MOM ON A TIGHT BUDGET

DEAR MOM: Your mother and sister may not fully realize your financial situation, so here's how to handle it: Have a private chat with them and TELL them that what they are suggesting is not within your budget. Then ask them to please stop doing it in front of Troy because it is hurtful to him and embarrassing to you.

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for regularly advising counseling for readers who are dealing with emotional issues. Your message is heard in mainstream America and has an impact on those who are willing to hear it.

I grew up in a small town. My mother's family was of Irish-German descent; Dad's parents came from Czechoslovakia. Mom's family showed its love by teasing, criticizing and ridiculing.

I never saw my parents show any affection toward each other or to us, although we knew we were loved. They gave us a stable, comfortable home, a solid basic education, a strong work ethic and moral values.

Counseling was only for "crazy" people, and confiding anything to Mom set us up for becoming the topic of conversation with extended family. Nothing was confidential.

When I became an adult, I desperately needed to work with a therapist because I had strong negative feelings, depression and communication issues. Abby, one reason I was brave enough to seek counseling was because I had read your consistent advice to seemingly "normal" people to see a counselor. Another factor was being 300 miles away from my hometown.

Counseling was a godsend for me. It saved my life, and I recommend it freely to friends who need help. A wise professor said: "Everyone can benefit from counseling, and it's the person who says 'not me' who probably needs it the most."

My sister and brothers never left our small town. They are afflicted with the same issues I dealt with. One brother committed suicide at 41, and my mother lives in an isolated world full of physical and emotional pain.

Talking to a mental health professional when life feels overwhelming can make the difference between life and death. I'm grateful I had the opportunity, and comforted knowing it's an available resource if I need more. Thank you again, Abby, for making a difference in my world. -- LAUREN IN VIRGINIA

DEAR LAUREN: You're welcome. I have received occasional criticism for telling readers to discuss their problems with a licensed therapist. But when I hear from someone whose problem is so serious (or complicated) that it can't be adequately dealt with in a letter or a newspaper, advising the writer to seek counseling is the most direct and honest advice I can offer.

Thank you for letting me know my advice made a positive difference and that you're doing well. It's the most meaningful reward any adviser can receive.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My problem is the relationship I have with my brother. We're both in our 40s and married. Over the last few years our relationship has deteriorated.

We live in different states, and I see him once a year when I visit Mom. I call him in between, but he never returns my calls. When we do get together, he makes it clear that he'd rather be somewhere else. It makes me sad because we have a small family and I'd like to be closer -- like we were in the past.

Mom is in her 80s and lives alone in the house we grew up in. She has lived by herself for more than 20 years. Although she's very active, the house has become a burden. She and I have talked about selling it and her moving to a senior residence close to me. She is thrilled with the idea.

I am afraid my brother will make a fuss and try to discourage the process, since Mom would be moving out of state. I'll be going to visit Mom soon to help with some jobs around the house. How do I get through to my brother that this would be a progressive move for Mom? -- SENSIBLE SIBLING IN MINNESOTA

DEAR SENSIBLE SIB: You're behaving as if the decision is yours and your brother's to make. If your mother is "thrilled" with the idea of being closer to you, it's possible that your brother and his wife are less involved in her life than you think. When you go to visit and your brother comes by acting as if he'd rather be elsewhere, start a family discussion on the subject and don't let him hijack it. Your mother's wishes should prevail.

P.S. I don't know whether you and your brother will be able to re-establish the closeness you once had or the reason you drifted apart. But a mediator might be able to help if you both are willing.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 22-year-old married woman in Canada. I moved from the United States to be with my husband when I was 19. People seem to react negatively because we married at such a young age. I am often asked, "What do your parents think about that?"

Abby, my mother died when I was 17 and I have had little contact with my father since I was 12 because he was abusive. I was fortunate that my grandmother took me in. She loves my husband and has no problem with my marriage as she knows I am wise beyond my years because of my past.

How can I respond to these strangers -- first about their negative reaction to my having married so young, and second, to their questions about my parents? I don't like telling strangers about my mother's passing away because it is still painful after all these years. -- NO PARENTS IN CALGARY

DEAR NO PARENTS: Ah, the thoughtless questions people come up with about things that are none of their business! You do not have to give a stranger chapter and verse about your family history. Just smile, say, "I was raised by my grandmother, and she didn't have a problem with it," then change the subject immediately by asking the person a question about her- or himself.

DEAR ABBY: When riding in a car, who gets to select the radio station? Is it the driver/owner of the vehicle or the passenger? -- LIKES TO LISTEN IN FRESNO, CALIF.

DEAR LIKES TO LISTEN: Usually it's the driver or owner. However, if you would like to listen to a station other than the one that's on, politely ask if you can change the station and the driver/owner may accommodate you.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Dave," likes to tickle our two boys, ages 7 and 8. He goes too far sometimes and they beg him to stop, but he won't. I have talked about it with my sons and even came up with a phrase -- "No more!" -- when they want him to quit. I have also tried to make it clear to Dave that he needs to stop when they say it. The problem is, he continues even after they say it.

When I try to stop him, he says he's just "playing with my boys" and that I'm interfering. Or, if they say stop, he gets irritated and calls them "sissies."

I know his tickling is hurtful because he has done it to me and left bruises. What can I do to make him stop this behavior? -- NOT TICKLED, NOBLESVILLE, IND.

DEAR NOT TICKLED: I'm not tickled, either, because tickling can be a form of abuse when it's taken too far. And when someone says, "Stop!" regardless of the reason, the person should lay off. Your husband's behavior is sadistic. If he bruised you, one look at the mark he left should have been a clue to him that he went too far.

I hope you realize that the man you're describing is a bully. The boys are not "sissies." They are simply outweighed. Your husband should find a contact sport, channel his aggression elsewhere, and pick on someone his own size.

DEAR ABBY: I am in a touchy situation. I am recently divorced and my 7-year-old daughter idolizes and deeply misses her father. My ex is in prison serving time for molesting my older daughter, who was his stepchild.

Obviously, my younger girl, "Karen," has no clue why her father is in prison. She still thinks that when he gets out, he'll be part of her life. She's too young to hear the truth, but how else can I explain why Daddy will never be part of her life again? I don't want her to resent me for keeping her from her father, but I'm afraid that's exactly what will happen.

Abby, please help me. I'm torn about keeping Karen happy, but also keeping her safe. -- TORN IN TEXAS

DEAR TORN: I know you want to protect Karen, but that may not be realistic. If your older daughter is living at home, there's a possibility that she has told her little sister what happened. Karen IS old enough to understand the difference between acceptable touching and what is not. If she doesn't already know, then for her safety you should have that talk with her.

Your ex-husband will, I hope, be away for a very long time. When Karen brings him up, repeat that to her. She'll be older and fully able to understand by the time her father is ready for release. And by then you will have told her all the facts.

DEAR ABBY: When I see someone with a label sticking out of his or her shirt, blouse or whatever, is it proper to just walk up and stick the label back inside the person's clothing? Should I just tell the person that the label is showing? Or should I ignore it?

I have always appreciated knowing when this has happened to me. What's the correct way of handling this? -- OBSERVANT IN LAS CRUCES, N.M.

DEAR OBSERVANT: To walk up to someone you don't know well and touch him (or her) is extremely presumptuous. If you see that someone needs a clothing adjustment, take the person aside, quietly explain what you have noticed and let the person fix it him- or herself.

P.S. It is OK to OFFER assistance -- which may or may not be gratefully accepted.