DEAR ABBY: My problem is the relationship I have with my brother. We're both in our 40s and married. Over the last few years our relationship has deteriorated.

We live in different states, and I see him once a year when I visit Mom. I call him in between, but he never returns my calls. When we do get together, he makes it clear that he'd rather be somewhere else. It makes me sad because we have a small family and I'd like to be closer -- like we were in the past.

Mom is in her 80s and lives alone in the house we grew up in. She has lived by herself for more than 20 years. Although she's very active, the house has become a burden. She and I have talked about selling it and her moving to a senior residence close to me. She is thrilled with the idea.

I am afraid my brother will make a fuss and try to discourage the process, since Mom would be moving out of state. I'll be going to visit Mom soon to help with some jobs around the house. How do I get through to my brother that this would be a progressive move for Mom? -- SENSIBLE SIBLING IN MINNESOTA

DEAR SENSIBLE SIB: You're behaving as if the decision is yours and your brother's to make. If your mother is "thrilled" with the idea of being closer to you, it's possible that your brother and his wife are less involved in her life than you think. When you go to visit and your brother comes by acting as if he'd rather be elsewhere, start a family discussion on the subject and don't let him hijack it. Your mother's wishes should prevail.

P.S. I don't know whether you and your brother will be able to re-establish the closeness you once had or the reason you drifted apart. But a mediator might be able to help if you both are willing.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 22-year-old married woman in Canada. I moved from the United States to be with my husband when I was 19. People seem to react negatively because we married at such a young age. I am often asked, "What do your parents think about that?"

Abby, my mother died when I was 17 and I have had little contact with my father since I was 12 because he was abusive. I was fortunate that my grandmother took me in. She loves my husband and has no problem with my marriage as she knows I am wise beyond my years because of my past.

How can I respond to these strangers -- first about their negative reaction to my having married so young, and second, to their questions about my parents? I don't like telling strangers about my mother's passing away because it is still painful after all these years. -- NO PARENTS IN CALGARY

DEAR NO PARENTS: Ah, the thoughtless questions people come up with about things that are none of their business! You do not have to give a stranger chapter and verse about your family history. Just smile, say, "I was raised by my grandmother, and she didn't have a problem with it," then change the subject immediately by asking the person a question about her- or himself.

DEAR ABBY: When riding in a car, who gets to select the radio station? Is it the driver/owner of the vehicle or the passenger? -- LIKES TO LISTEN IN FRESNO, CALIF.

DEAR LIKES TO LISTEN: Usually it's the driver or owner. However, if you would like to listen to a station other than the one that's on, politely ask if you can change the station and the driver/owner may accommodate you.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Dave," likes to tickle our two boys, ages 7 and 8. He goes too far sometimes and they beg him to stop, but he won't. I have talked about it with my sons and even came up with a phrase -- "No more!" -- when they want him to quit. I have also tried to make it clear to Dave that he needs to stop when they say it. The problem is, he continues even after they say it.

When I try to stop him, he says he's just "playing with my boys" and that I'm interfering. Or, if they say stop, he gets irritated and calls them "sissies."

I know his tickling is hurtful because he has done it to me and left bruises. What can I do to make him stop this behavior? -- NOT TICKLED, NOBLESVILLE, IND.

DEAR NOT TICKLED: I'm not tickled, either, because tickling can be a form of abuse when it's taken too far. And when someone says, "Stop!" regardless of the reason, the person should lay off. Your husband's behavior is sadistic. If he bruised you, one look at the mark he left should have been a clue to him that he went too far.

I hope you realize that the man you're describing is a bully. The boys are not "sissies." They are simply outweighed. Your husband should find a contact sport, channel his aggression elsewhere, and pick on someone his own size.

DEAR ABBY: I am in a touchy situation. I am recently divorced and my 7-year-old daughter idolizes and deeply misses her father. My ex is in prison serving time for molesting my older daughter, who was his stepchild.

Obviously, my younger girl, "Karen," has no clue why her father is in prison. She still thinks that when he gets out, he'll be part of her life. She's too young to hear the truth, but how else can I explain why Daddy will never be part of her life again? I don't want her to resent me for keeping her from her father, but I'm afraid that's exactly what will happen.

Abby, please help me. I'm torn about keeping Karen happy, but also keeping her safe. -- TORN IN TEXAS

DEAR TORN: I know you want to protect Karen, but that may not be realistic. If your older daughter is living at home, there's a possibility that she has told her little sister what happened. Karen IS old enough to understand the difference between acceptable touching and what is not. If she doesn't already know, then for her safety you should have that talk with her.

Your ex-husband will, I hope, be away for a very long time. When Karen brings him up, repeat that to her. She'll be older and fully able to understand by the time her father is ready for release. And by then you will have told her all the facts.

DEAR ABBY: When I see someone with a label sticking out of his or her shirt, blouse or whatever, is it proper to just walk up and stick the label back inside the person's clothing? Should I just tell the person that the label is showing? Or should I ignore it?

I have always appreciated knowing when this has happened to me. What's the correct way of handling this? -- OBSERVANT IN LAS CRUCES, N.M.

DEAR OBSERVANT: To walk up to someone you don't know well and touch him (or her) is extremely presumptuous. If you see that someone needs a clothing adjustment, take the person aside, quietly explain what you have noticed and let the person fix it him- or herself.

P.S. It is OK to OFFER assistance -- which may or may not be gratefully accepted.

DEAR READERS: Can you believe it's 2010? It's the 10th anniversary of Y2K. It seems like only yesterday.... But a new year has arrived, bringing with it our chance for a new beginning.

Today is the day we discard destructive old habits for healthy new ones, so with that in mind, I will share Dear Abby's often-requested list of New Year's Resolutions -- which were adapted by my mother, Pauline Phillips, from the original credo of Al-Anon.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once.

I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I will improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking.

Just for today, I will refrain from improving anybody but myself.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll quit. If I am overweight, I will eat healthfully -- if only just for today. And not only that, I will get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.

And now, Dear Readers, I would like to share an item that was sent to me by I.J. Bhatia, a reader who lives in New Delhi, India:

DEAR ABBY: This year, no resolutions, only some guidelines. The Holy Vedas say, "Man has subjected himself to thousands of self-inflicted bondages. Wisdom comes to a man who lives according to the true eternal laws of nature."

The prayer of St. Francis (of which there are several versions) contains a powerful message:

"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace:

"where there is hatred, let me sow love,

"where there is injury, pardon;

"where there is doubt, faith;

"where there is despair, hope;

"where there is darkness, light;

"and where there is sadness, joy.

"O Divine Master,

"grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

"to be understood, as to understand;

"to be loved, as to love;

"for it is in giving that we receive,

"it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

"and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life."

And so, Dear Readers, may this new year bring with it peace and joy to all of you. -- Love, ABBY