DEAR ABBY: I am 80, and "Doreen" is 72. When we started dating seven years ago, I "simply wanted to be her friend." Now the tables have turned, and she just wants to be MY friend.

Doreen has a male friend in Florida with whom she communicates through letters and phone calls. Although she tells me she loves me, she also says that if this "friend" comes back and asks her out, she wants to be free to date him.

I told her that most 72-year-olds would be happy to have one man to date, but if she plans on dating someone else, I should be free to do the same. Her last remark was for me to "be gentle with her." We are affectionate, loving friends, and I care about her a great deal.

Your observations, please. -- EDDIE IN MAINE

DEAR EDDIE: Your statement that if Doreen plans to date someone else, you should be free to do the same seems logical to me. Continue to have an affectionate, loving friendship with her -- and by all means "be gentle" -- but keep your options open and date others in the knowledge that if her snowbird flies home, she'll be billing and cooing with him, and you'll be flying solo.

DEAR ABBY: I have a big problem -- my father-in-law, "Hal." He has lived with us more than eight years and has never contributed anything toward his keep. I asked him once to pay some rent, but he refused. This not only caused a rift between my wife and me, but her two siblings -- who are well off -- said Hal was "living on the poverty line," so we should keep him for nothing.

I wouldn't mind so much, but my wife has to clean up after him, do his laundry and take him to his medical appointments. More than that, having Hal underfoot all the time has completely destroyed our privacy.

Hal spends most of his pension buying presents for his other children who never even come to see him. All we get from him are complaints.

What do you suggest? -- RESENTFUL IN IDAHO

DEAR RESENTFUL: Enough is enough. You and your wife are long overdue for a meeting with her siblings to discuss this problem. They should have started chipping in to pay for their father's care eight years ago and also seen to it that you have some respite. Unless and until this is brought out into the open, nothing will change.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Audrey," was molested by her step-grandfather when she was a little girl. She told her mother about it, but because of her age she wasn't taken seriously.

Audrey and I are now talking about starting a family. Abby, I am uncomfortable about bringing children into this family unless everyone understands the reason I will not allow this man to touch our children. The problem is, the information will be devastating to Audrey's grandmother. A child's innocence is worth whatever hard feelings I might create, but how do we handle this without destroying a family? -- TAKING CARE OF MY OWN IN HUNTSVILLE, ALA.

DEAR TAKING CARE: Was your wife the only child in the family her step-grandfather had access to? Will the baby you're planning be the first in the family -- or has this man had unsupervised contact with others? Keep in mind that if he would molest Audrey, he may also have done it to others -- neighbors, etc.

Not only should the family be informed about what happened by you and Audrey now that she is "old enough to be believed," but also ask if anyone else may have been victimized because other children may have been afraid to speak up.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: I applaud "Terrified Mama in California" (Oct. 30) on her stance with her "multitasking" daughter who texts and phones while driving. I recently swore off cell phone use in my vehicle after I saw the dramatic BBC public service ad on YouTube discouraging it, a re-enactment of an actual event. I am forever changed for the better, and so are my two daughters who ride with me.

If there is an emergency, my family now knows that if I don't answer my phone, they should call right back and I'll pull over to take the call. Otherwise, I will call later. This has worked like a charm.

I still notice all the other phone conversations going on while people operate thousands of pounds of steel, glass and plastic containing their most precious cargo. What are they talking about? I'll bet it could wait. Driving time for me is now spent conversing with my kids, singing along to music or just chilling out.

As moms, we are concerned about lead in our children's toys, the safety of flu vaccines and additives in the foods they eat. But it never occurs to us that, in the blink of an eye, life can change forever because of that call or text that "had" to be made.

You CANNOT do it all. Be present in the moment when you operate your vehicle. The life you save may be your own. -- SUSAN IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SUSAN: Thank you for your persuasive reminder. Many readers were eager to share their views on this topic, which is so often in the news today. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: If "Terrified's" daughter were only a danger to herself, I'd be all in favor of allowing her to compete for a Darwin award. Unfortunately, she's a danger to everyone.

I have seen amazingly mindless behavior by people on cell phones who were not driving -- including one who paid for and walked away from her purchases at a store. Too many cell phone users are completely oblivious to anything but their conversation. It should be obvious that phones and driving don't go together.

Earlier this year a woman on a cell phone here hit a motorcyclist. Apparently clueless to having just been in an accident, she proceeded to drive over him, and that's what killed him. Witnesses said she was still talking on her phone when she got out of her SUV.

Abby, you missed a golden opportunity to call for state or federal regulations banning the use of cell phones while driving. It would make the world safer for everyone. -- LARRY IN KANSAS CITY

DEAR ABBY: I was shocked that you told that mother that there isn't much she can do if her daughter doesn't want to shape up. You said yourself the practice could be compared to driving drunk. She is endangering her child every time she's behind the wheel "multitasking." That grandmother should not give up trying to save her grandchild.

I work for the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. President Obama has asked all government employees to pledge to not drive while operating tech devices. Grandma should report her daughter to the authorities for child endangerment. -- N.H.T.S.A. MOM

DEAR ABBY: I was slightly distracted by a phone call while driving home one afternoon. A car crossed the double yellow line and cut me off. I saw it, swerved and lost control of my vehicle, which crashed into the divider and flipped over, shattering my legs in the process. Thank goodness my son was not in the car with me.

I'm convinced the phone I was holding in my hand kept me from being able to completely control my car. Since that day, I never phone or text while driving. -- LISA IN LONG BEACH

DEAR ABBY: To "Terrified Mama": Call the police and give them your daughter's license plate number. Tell them she's driving while on the phone or texting (both illegal in your state), and you're afraid she or your grandkids will be hurt. They will watch for her and pull her over. Perhaps a traffic ticket will do what your concern has not. -- BARBARA IN DALLAS

DEAR ABBY: I work for supermarkets as a merchandiser, and a day doesn't go by when I don't see customers eat food they have not yet purchased while they shop.

I was taught as a child that items in a supermarket are not yours to consume until they are first paid for at the register. A supermarket is not a restaurant! You pay for the food before you eat it.

I am sure many people "forget" they handed their child a muffin from the bakery display to keep him or her occupied while they shop. And how can a store weigh the grapes you ate while browsing in the aisles? This is stealing, and parents send the wrong message to their children by letting them graze on the products the store is selling.

By the way, employees are not allowed to say anything to customers when they see it happen. This practice not only keeps prices higher, but also is unhygienic. Shopping carts are filthy; they are rarely cleaned. Pushing a cart and eating a cookie is a perfect way to pick up a serious food-borne illness.

Abby, what are your thoughts on the subject? -- SUPERMARKET MERCHANDISER IN NEW YORK

DEAR S.M.: They're the same as yours. Children learn more from the examples set by the adults in their lives than from what they are told. When they see their parents bend the rules, they grow up thinking it's normal. And by the way, this applies not only to what we do, but also to our sins of omission.

DEAR ABBY: This year was awful. One of my friends shot himself. A few weeks ago a classmate hit a young man, and the guy died. Now I have just learned that yesterday another classmate was killed in a car crash.

All I want to do is hide in my room. I'm scared of what is happening. Who are we going to lose next? Please tell me how to handle this. -- SCARED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SCARED: When deaths happen with no warning, it is shocking and scary, and you have had more than your share. When tragedies such as you have described happen during the school year, many schools invite grief counselors to come and talk with the students, which can be helpful. If that hasn't happened where you live, it would be a good idea for you and some of your friends to discuss your feelings with a clergyperson or another trusted adult who can guide you through the normal emotions people experience during the grieving process.

DEAR ABBY: Please settle a disagreement for us. Is a butter knife used to put your butter on your plate, or to spread the butter on your bread? -- ETIQUETTE-CHALLENGED IN SHILOH, ILL.

DEAR CHALLENGED: If a small fork isn't provided to transfer the butter to your bread plate, use the butter knife to do it. If the butter is served in a dish, then use your butter knife to scoop out a portion and place it on the edge of the plate.

And by the way, when you take a slice of bread, do NOT butter it all at once. Break off a bite-sized piece, apply the butter, then pop it in your mouth.

P.S. The butter dilemma can be avoided by substituting olive oil instead, which is healthier. When I'm in a restaurant, I often ask for olive oil, to which I add a dash of balsamic vinegar -- making sure the design on my butter plate looks like modern art. Not only is it good for my heart, it's creative and fun.

P.P.S. My editor suggests adding a dash of Parmesan. Delicious!