DEAR ABBY: I applaud "Terrified Mama in California" (Oct. 30) on her stance with her "multitasking" daughter who texts and phones while driving. I recently swore off cell phone use in my vehicle after I saw the dramatic BBC public service ad on YouTube discouraging it, a re-enactment of an actual event. I am forever changed for the better, and so are my two daughters who ride with me.

If there is an emergency, my family now knows that if I don't answer my phone, they should call right back and I'll pull over to take the call. Otherwise, I will call later. This has worked like a charm.

I still notice all the other phone conversations going on while people operate thousands of pounds of steel, glass and plastic containing their most precious cargo. What are they talking about? I'll bet it could wait. Driving time for me is now spent conversing with my kids, singing along to music or just chilling out.

As moms, we are concerned about lead in our children's toys, the safety of flu vaccines and additives in the foods they eat. But it never occurs to us that, in the blink of an eye, life can change forever because of that call or text that "had" to be made.

You CANNOT do it all. Be present in the moment when you operate your vehicle. The life you save may be your own. -- SUSAN IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SUSAN: Thank you for your persuasive reminder. Many readers were eager to share their views on this topic, which is so often in the news today. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: If "Terrified's" daughter were only a danger to herself, I'd be all in favor of allowing her to compete for a Darwin award. Unfortunately, she's a danger to everyone.

I have seen amazingly mindless behavior by people on cell phones who were not driving -- including one who paid for and walked away from her purchases at a store. Too many cell phone users are completely oblivious to anything but their conversation. It should be obvious that phones and driving don't go together.

Earlier this year a woman on a cell phone here hit a motorcyclist. Apparently clueless to having just been in an accident, she proceeded to drive over him, and that's what killed him. Witnesses said she was still talking on her phone when she got out of her SUV.

Abby, you missed a golden opportunity to call for state or federal regulations banning the use of cell phones while driving. It would make the world safer for everyone. -- LARRY IN KANSAS CITY

DEAR ABBY: I was shocked that you told that mother that there isn't much she can do if her daughter doesn't want to shape up. You said yourself the practice could be compared to driving drunk. She is endangering her child every time she's behind the wheel "multitasking." That grandmother should not give up trying to save her grandchild.

I work for the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. President Obama has asked all government employees to pledge to not drive while operating tech devices. Grandma should report her daughter to the authorities for child endangerment. -- N.H.T.S.A. MOM

DEAR ABBY: I was slightly distracted by a phone call while driving home one afternoon. A car crossed the double yellow line and cut me off. I saw it, swerved and lost control of my vehicle, which crashed into the divider and flipped over, shattering my legs in the process. Thank goodness my son was not in the car with me.

I'm convinced the phone I was holding in my hand kept me from being able to completely control my car. Since that day, I never phone or text while driving. -- LISA IN LONG BEACH

DEAR ABBY: To "Terrified Mama": Call the police and give them your daughter's license plate number. Tell them she's driving while on the phone or texting (both illegal in your state), and you're afraid she or your grandkids will be hurt. They will watch for her and pull her over. Perhaps a traffic ticket will do what your concern has not. -- BARBARA IN DALLAS

DEAR ABBY: I work for supermarkets as a merchandiser, and a day doesn't go by when I don't see customers eat food they have not yet purchased while they shop.

I was taught as a child that items in a supermarket are not yours to consume until they are first paid for at the register. A supermarket is not a restaurant! You pay for the food before you eat it.

I am sure many people "forget" they handed their child a muffin from the bakery display to keep him or her occupied while they shop. And how can a store weigh the grapes you ate while browsing in the aisles? This is stealing, and parents send the wrong message to their children by letting them graze on the products the store is selling.

By the way, employees are not allowed to say anything to customers when they see it happen. This practice not only keeps prices higher, but also is unhygienic. Shopping carts are filthy; they are rarely cleaned. Pushing a cart and eating a cookie is a perfect way to pick up a serious food-borne illness.

Abby, what are your thoughts on the subject? -- SUPERMARKET MERCHANDISER IN NEW YORK

DEAR S.M.: They're the same as yours. Children learn more from the examples set by the adults in their lives than from what they are told. When they see their parents bend the rules, they grow up thinking it's normal. And by the way, this applies not only to what we do, but also to our sins of omission.

DEAR ABBY: This year was awful. One of my friends shot himself. A few weeks ago a classmate hit a young man, and the guy died. Now I have just learned that yesterday another classmate was killed in a car crash.

All I want to do is hide in my room. I'm scared of what is happening. Who are we going to lose next? Please tell me how to handle this. -- SCARED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SCARED: When deaths happen with no warning, it is shocking and scary, and you have had more than your share. When tragedies such as you have described happen during the school year, many schools invite grief counselors to come and talk with the students, which can be helpful. If that hasn't happened where you live, it would be a good idea for you and some of your friends to discuss your feelings with a clergyperson or another trusted adult who can guide you through the normal emotions people experience during the grieving process.

DEAR ABBY: Please settle a disagreement for us. Is a butter knife used to put your butter on your plate, or to spread the butter on your bread? -- ETIQUETTE-CHALLENGED IN SHILOH, ILL.

DEAR CHALLENGED: If a small fork isn't provided to transfer the butter to your bread plate, use the butter knife to do it. If the butter is served in a dish, then use your butter knife to scoop out a portion and place it on the edge of the plate.

And by the way, when you take a slice of bread, do NOT butter it all at once. Break off a bite-sized piece, apply the butter, then pop it in your mouth.

P.S. The butter dilemma can be avoided by substituting olive oil instead, which is healthier. When I'm in a restaurant, I often ask for olive oil, to which I add a dash of balsamic vinegar -- making sure the design on my butter plate looks like modern art. Not only is it good for my heart, it's creative and fun.

P.P.S. My editor suggests adding a dash of Parmesan. Delicious!

DEAR ABBY: I'm a homemaker with two sweet little girls. As precious as they are to me, I have a problem that is preventing me from giving them the kind of life they deserve. I hate to leave my house. Anytime I have to leave the house I start sweating, my heart starts pounding, and by the time I return home I'm exhausted and can do nothing more for the rest of the day.

My girls are asking to go to parties, have me volunteer in their classrooms, and they want to join Girl Scouts. I don't know what to do! I want them to experience all of these things, but the thought of how I'll have to leave the house and all the people I will have to meet and try to converse with brings me to tears. I don't want my anxieties to rub off onto my children. What should I do? -- HOMEBOUND IN ANDERSON, CALIF.

DEAR HOMEBOUND: Call your doctor and have a frank conversation about how stressful it is for you to leave the house and interact with people. Then ask for a referral to a mental health professional who treats panic and phobic disorders, because it appears you have at least one.

Fortunately, problems such as yours are treatable -- but in order to get the help you need, you will have to ASK for it. Make it your first New Year's resolution.

DEAR ABBY: At a recent social gathering I was taking digital photos and handed my camera to a friend so she could view the last shot.

She then proceeded to scroll backward through a large number of previous shots I had taken, most of them from other events. She even questioned me about one of them.

I think what she did was uncalled-for and intrusive. What do you think? I have since dumped the camera's contents onto a computer and purged them from my camera. -- ROBERT IN PORTLAND, MAINE

DEAR ROBERT: Those must have been some "hot" shots to have elicited such a strong defensive reaction. If you didn't want your friend to see the pictures you had shot previously, you shouldn't have handed her the camera.

DEAR ABBY: I have been keeping company with a man for the past 10 years. Our spouses are deceased. He sometimes receives invitations to weddings, parties, etc. addressed only to him. Without consulting me, he will call and tell these people that if I am not invited, then he will not attend -- so they are forced to tell him it's OK if I come, too. I am very uncomfortable about these situations.

I feel that after 10 years my name, or at least "and guest," should appear on the invitation or I should not go. Because I don't want him to stay home, I usually end up going. What do you think about this? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Your gentleman friend's behavior is rude. Guest lists are usually limited for economic reasons. He should not be attempting to "blackmail" his prospective hosts. Many hosts handle situations like this by cheerfully telling the boor who tries it, "Sorry you won't attend. We'll miss you!"

I don't blame you for feeling awkward. My advice is not to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)