DEAR ABBY: I have two terrific children, ages 6 and 8. I am honest and open with them about everything. For their ages, they are well-informed about sex, drugs and alcohol.

Some of my friends and neighbors have a problem with my children asking questions in front of them, and with me for giving them honest and age-appropriate answers.

I have been told I am giving them too much information and "oversexualizing" and "overeducating" my children. This is not the way I view it. Everything I say is at a level my children can comprehend, and I don't give more details than I need to. My kids know that drugs are bad and how to identify them in order to refuse them. They also know how alcohol and tobacco affect the human body, how babies are "made" and where they come from.

I believe that honesty is a better policy than "wait until you're older and we'll discuss this." Am I right, or are my friends and neighbors correct? -- PROACTIVE MOM IN WASHINGTON

DEAR MOM: You are. If children have questions, they should know they can come to their mother for straight answers -- regardless of what is being asked. By providing honest information in terms they can understand, you are showing your children that you are open, honest, unembarrassed -- and that they can be, too. Good for you!

DEAR ABBY: For 14 years I suffered extreme mental and physical abuse from my parents. It led to chronic depression and self-destructive behavior, until I finally sought the help of a therapist. With talk therapy and medication, I am finally on stronger footing.

I am 34 now and much better off since I have severed all contact with my parents. My problem is how to convince my aunts that this is what is best for me, and that I am not an "ungrateful daughter" for choosing to have no contact with either parent. I no longer have the energy for their crazy drama. Am I "ungrateful" because of what I have done? -- HEALTHIER NOW IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR HEALTHIER: No, not considering your family history, and assuming the decision to cut off contact with your parents was made with the help of your therapist. If that's the case, then what you have done is to protect yourself from further emotional abuse.

Do your aunts know what you suffered while growing up? If so, they should clearly understand that you are doing only what you must in order to maintain mental stability. And if they don't, explain it to them, and don't apologize or allow them to make you feel guilty.

DEAR ABBY: I work in an office with more than 30 employees. Two weeks ago an envelope was sent around seeking our mandatory contributions to give gifts to the partners of the office "to show our appreciation."

I was always taught one never "gifts up" the chain of command. I show my appreciation each day by being a good employee. Am I wrong? -- BLACKMAILED IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR BLACKMAILED: I don't think so. It appears you and your fellow employees are being ordered to pony up in order to keep your job. And by the way, "mandatory contribution" is an oxymoron.

DEAR ABBY: "Hayley" is one of the few good friends I have at college. We take a class together. It's in a building across campus, so I drive. I always contact Hayley to see if she wants me to take her. (She typically does.) Because the class requires physical activity, we dress in appropriate clothing.

When I pick Hayley up, I am already dressed and ready to go. The problem is, she isn't. She is either eating or on her computer when I arrive. Once I come in, she begins to get ready. This has made us late for class several times. It has reached the point that I have to arrive earlier and earlier to get her to be on time.

I understand that I am more organized than she is, but it grates on my nerves. I am the one giving her a ride, and she causes us both to be late. I think she should be ready to leave when I get there. I know she has a busy schedule, but this is driving me crazy. I care about Hayley dearly, and I don't want to hurt her feelings. Should I say something to her? -- CAMPUS CLOCK-WATCHER

DEAR CLOCK-WATCHER: Yes, absolutely, because Hayley isn't a mind reader and if you haven't spoken up, she may be under the impression that you don't mind. Tell your friend you are no longer willing to be late to class, you expect her to be ready to leave at the time you get there, and if she isn't, you will leave without her. THEN FOLLOW THROUGH. I predict Hayley won't be late after that.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single man living in Florida. Without being invited, my sister called to inform me that she and her husband would be coming to visit me over the Christmas/New Year holiday. She said they planned to stay "a month or so" to escape the harsh northern winter. Caught off guard, I said I'd love to have them come for a week or 10 days, but I didn't want them to move in with me. At that point, she became miffed and said not to worry about it -- she and my brother-in-law would visit her son in Las Vegas instead.

Now I'm wondering if I was rude. I don't want them planting themselves in my home for months on end, but I don't want to destroy our relationship either. I love them both, but I have a life of my own. Did I make a mistake, or is it normal for relatives to visit for months? -- CONFOUNDED IN FLORIDA

DEAR CONFOUNDED: You did not make a mistake, and it is not "normal" for people to invite themselves to be houseguests as your sister did. Her attitude was presumptuous. Your reaction was honest. What she proposed was an imposition. If defending your privacy "destroys" your relationship, your sibling bond wasn't strong to begin with. Frankly, I think your sister had a lot of nerve, and her son has my sympathy because it's going to be a long winter in Las Vegas.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my 70s, and I honestly do not know how to respond when people ask me, "How are you?" I have had many health problems in the last few years, and I don't think anyone really wants to hear about them. -- I'M JUST SAYIN'

DEAR JUST SAYIN': If you have any reason to think that the person asking the question really doesn't care how you are, then spare him or her an organ recital. Convey the expected response, which is, "I'm fine -- how are you?"

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: With the holidays here, songs about Santa and his reindeer are filling the air. I'm writing to talk about reindeer antlers. Reindeer are unique because they are the only members of the deer family in which both genders have antlers, which are made of bone and grown annually.

In the summer and fall, you cannot identify a reindeer as a "he" or a "she" without further investigation. In late December, however, only the females still have their antlers.

During the summer months, the males use their antlers to attract females and defend their harem (anywhere from five to 15 females) from other males. When they are no longer "looking for love," the males lose their antlers. The females, on the other hand, keep theirs through the winter and into the spring, and use them to compete for food and to protect their young.

The only reindeer with antlers at Christmastime are the GIRLS, Abby. So Rudolph would have been appropriately named "Rudolphia," and the other reindeer would have been laughing and calling HER names until the glow from HER nose guided Santa's sleigh that foggy Christmas eve. -- JOYCE CAMPBELL, PH.D.

DEAR DR. CAMPBELL: Fascinating. This clearly explains why Santa doesn't get lost at Christmas. Females are never reluctant to ask for directions ... ho, ho, ho.

DEAR ABBY: I demonstrate products in a supermarket. It isn't easy, and sometimes I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place.

Will you please tell parents that if we do not give their children samples of food, it is for their own good. We don't know what kind of food allergies their children may have. The company I work for will fire us if we give samples to children without a parent first giving permission. -- TRYING HARD IN TULSA, OKLA.

DEAR TRYING HARD: You have my sympathy, and I'm pleased to pass along your message. I recently read that food allergies among children are on the rise, and that 4 percent of kids today suffer from one. The policy your company is enforcing is for everyone's protection and should not be misinterpreted. It's in place so that no one's little angel gets sick or has an allergic reaction.

DEAR ABBY: A few months ago, my husband and I were visiting a remote area in the mountains. We were on a narrow, winding road with no shoulder and a guardrail on one side. There was traffic in both directions. As we ambled along, we heard a siren. An ambulance came up behind us and rode our tail, blasting the horn, obviously urging us to let him by.

Although we looked and looked, we could not find a safe place to pull over for several minutes. When we finally did find a space to pull into, the crew threw us dirty looks as they drove by.

I hate to think we endangered someone's life or made the EMTs' job more difficult, but it seemed equally dangerous for us to move into a lane of oncoming traffic. What is the proper etiquette for this type of situation? -- RACHAEL IN ATLANTA

DEAR RACHAEL: When approached by a vehicle with a siren and a flashing red light, a driver should pull as far to the right as possible and stop. Because there was no place for you to pull over, you should have done exactly what you did -- which was to proceed at a safe rate of speed until you found one.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)