life

Woman Fears She May Love Newfound Family Too Much

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 2nd, 2009 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old woman who has recently discovered my biological family. I have a wonderful half-brother and several other amazing people I can now call family.

The issue I'm struggling with is my profound attraction to my half-brother. I know it's morally wrong, and I may be confusing the newfound relationship with him. Your perspective would be very much appreciated. -- CONFLICTED IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONFLICTED: Physical attraction is a reflex -- and not something we can control. Our BEHAVIOR, on the other hand, is something we CAN control.

This is a case of wrong time, wrong place. If you had been a member of the royal family in Egypt 3,000 years ago, you could have married your half-brother and continued the dynasty. But this is 2009 and the USA, so you're just going to have to satisfy your physical attraction with someone less incestuous.

life

Dear Abby for December 02, 2009

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 2nd, 2009 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Is it rude to label one's leftover food when staying with relatives? My husband, daughter and I visit his family often. When we go out to eat and bring leftovers back to the house, we usually label them if we want to eat them later.

It has never seemed out of the ordinary to me. I was raised that way. My mother always said that if I didn't want something eaten by one of my siblings, then I should label it.

Recently, my husband's sister (who is 16) asked if she could eat the rest of some pizza we had bought the night before. I politely responded that I planned to have it for lunch. She remarked that she thinks it is funny that we are so protective of our food. It got me to thinking -- is our behavior odd? -- TAKEN ABACK IN WASHINGTON

DEAR TAKEN ABACK: Considering that you come from a family in which anything in the fridge was considered fair game among your siblings, it's not odd at all. And when your sister-in-law said what she did, you should have explained that to her. Had you done so, she wouldn't have questioned it.

life

Dear Abby for December 02, 2009

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 2nd, 2009 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My 20-year-old daughter, "Marissa," is self-centered, lies compulsively and does not consider the consequences of her actions. She has been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. We have just learned that she is now pregnant, and her father and I are not happy about it.

We will eventually be meeting the parents of the child's father. Is it our responsibility to discuss Marissa's problems with them? Or should we keep our mouths shut and pretend we are happy? -- TRYING TO DECIDE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR TRYING TO DECIDE: Does the young man know about your daughter's diagnosis and what it means? If not, then HE should be told and the implications explained to him.

Because your daughter's personality disorder will affect their son and the grandchild, his parents should also be informed. Ideally, he is the person who should do it. But if he doesn't, lay all the cards on the table because the other grandparents should be prepared.

And no, you do not have to "pretend" to be happy about the situation. And neither do they.

life

Dogs' Leftovers Should Go Home With Their Owners

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 1st, 2009

DEAR ABBY: You advised "Pooped Out in North Carolina" (Sept. 21) that as long as dog doo-doo is securely sealed in a bag, you saw no harm in putting it in a stranger's garbage can.

While I agree in principle, as a homeowner who is a frequent recipient of foreign feces, there is a practical issue that you may not have foreseen. Our garbage collectors will not dispose of small bags of dog poop; they will only take trash bags of the larger size one would expect to contain household waste.

The result is that after our trash is taken, we're left with several bags of strangers' dog waste in the bottom of the can. My wife and I have to pull these bags out and add them to larger bags of garbage. Otherwise, they'll remain at the bottom of the can indefinitely.

So while putting one's dog droppings in a stranger's trash may appear to be harmless, it may also have consequences you didn't consider. I would suggest that pet owners err on the side of taking it home with them. And if you don't want to carry it for 15 minutes, don't walk your dog 15 minutes from your house. -- FREQUENT FECES FINDER

DEAR F.F.F.: I'm sorry to say my advice to "Pooped" landed ME in the doghouse. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: You should have told "Pooped" to check the local laws first. In my community, if you're caught putting your trash in someone else's container, you are made to clean it out, fined and sometimes given jail time. I'm sure "Pooped" would not appreciate being sent to jail on account of his dog's delivery. -- TOM IN REED CITY, MICH.

DEAR ABBY: A lot depends on how the trash is collected. My trash collector and the nearby city collectors just come and pull the bags out of the cans. That little baggie, if deposited in my trash can, would either be knocked out on the ground or fall to the bottom of my trash can. Neither is acceptable.

On the other hand, some of my neighbors use a trash service that utilizes a truck with a mechanical arm that turns the cans upside down and empties them into the truck. In a case like that, I don't see what difference it makes whose can it's "deposited" in. -- CONNIE IN PARIS, TENN.

DEAR ABBY: I walk my dogs through the neighborhood and, as a responsible pet owner, I clean up after them. Often, however, I wonder why I bother. Many dogs here run loose and leave their messes wherever they please with no one to clean up after them. I think that neighbors should thank pet owners who do clean up -- no matter where they deposit the doo-doo. -- DOG WALKER IN LAYTON, UTAH

DEAR ABBY: When we walk our dog, we always carry a bag. I have seen others "scoop" up after their dog and then toss it under the bushes. Carry it home, folks! Or, as the gentleman did, place it in a trash container. If it's on the curb, it's public property. -- SCOOPER IN FLORIDA

DEAR ABBY: We walk our dogs four times a day and place their carefully bagged "deposits" only in the trash at our house. We do this for two reasons: One, people can be territorial about their refuse containers and resent any "unauthorized" garbage placed there. Two, many homeowners hate finding animal waste on their property or in their trash.

Abby, please rethink your reply to "Pooped Out." He sounds lazy. His wife, family and co-workers, on the other hand, appear to be responsible and considerate. -- PICKER-UPPER IN CALIFORNIA

life

Best Wishes of the Season Bring Out Scrooge in Critics

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 30th, 2009 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: For 20 years I have gone to considerable thought and expense to carefully select nice holiday cards to send to a varied client base. I have tried to be considerate and sensitive to any cultural and religious differences.

My Christian friends wanted explicitly religious cards, the Hanukkah cards were not religious enough, and the middle-of-the-road "Season's Greetings" were termed "wishy-washy secular." My own family is a feuding stew of different faiths.

This year? I've had it. I sent Thanksgiving cards with the following quote from Theodore Roosevelt: "Let us remember that as much has been given us, much will be expected from us, and that true homage comes from the heart as well as from the lips, and shows itself in deeds."

It bothers me that a simple delivery of good wishes was met with such a resounding show of bad manners and ill will, and I see no point in continuing. My mother says I expect too much of people and that this will backfire. I'm past caring and have no more cheeks left to turn. I agreed to abide by your advice. What say you? -- STEAMED IN VAN NUYS, CALIF.

DEAR STEAMED: I don't blame you for being offended. The complainers were extremely rude. If you've sent cards only out of fear that if you didn't it would somehow "backfire," then you shouldn't have sent them. And if anyone is presumptuous enough to raise the subject, tell that person it's because your selection was criticized last year, so this year you decided to save your money.

life

Dear Abby for November 30, 2009

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 30th, 2009 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 43-year-old woman with one adopted 16-year-old child. I have never had children of my own, and I'd like to try again. My 44-year-old husband feels we're too old now, and of course society thinks we're too old, too. We have friends whose kids are having kids. Do you think we're too old? -- OPEN-MINDED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR OPEN-MINDED: Yes, I do, but what I think doesn't matter. This is a subject you should discuss at length with your OB/GYN because a pregnancy at your age could be risky not only for you, but also your child. And if your husband doesn't feel up to the challenge, his wishes should be considered.

life

Dear Abby for November 30, 2009

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 30th, 2009 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a single mother of a 7-year-old girl. Before we moved to a rural area, my daughter attended a private school where she flourished. However, after three years in public school here, she is struggling academically and her self-esteem has been challenged.

Every day I agonize over whether we ought to move or stay. I have a great job, wonderful friends and the lifestyle is comfortable. But the schools are awful. I remember how my daughter used to love going to school, but now she hates it.

I can't decide if we should move back to a larger city where there are more educational choices, or if we should remain here. Have you any thoughts on this? I want my daughter to gain stability, but I don't know if this is the place because school is such an important part of people's lives. -- MUST CHOOSE IN MARYLAND

DEAR MUST CHOOSE: What's more important to you -- your job, friends and lifestyle, or your daughter's future? Once you have answered that question, your choice will be easy.

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