DEAR ABBY: I am a 45-year-old single woman. My best friend, "Gavin," and I have known each other since I was 3. We were raised together and consider ourselves like brother and sister. We have always had a strictly platonic friendship.

Gavin is married to a wonderful woman, "Evie," who is also a friend of mine. Until recently, Gavin and Evie took frequent trips on his touring motorcycle. But because of a physical disability, Evie can no longer ride with him.

Gavin's police department recently held a charity motorcycle ride to a state landmark two hours away. Evie suggested I might enjoy going along and experiencing what a ride is like. I did, and had a wonderful time.

Since then, I have learned that several people have been spreading rumors that Gavin and I are having an affair because I was seen on the motorcycle with him. Evie says not to worry about it, but my feelings are hurt, and I feel my reputation is being tarnished. Why can't friends go on a motorcycle trip without rumors being spread? And how do I handle this? -- UNEASY RIDER IN MYRTLE BEACH

DEAR UNEASY: In a community where small minds dwell, there is always a rumor mill and gossips who make assumptions about things they know nothing about. How to handle it? Hold your head high and ignore it.

DEAR ABBY: My adult siblings and I need some help. Our mother insists year after year that we "kids" celebrate their anniversary in a big way. We don't mind recognizing their achievement -- this year will be their 45th -- but we don't feel it should be our "responsibility" to throw a party or host a big night out.

Mom expects it for every anniversary, birthday and holiday. A simple card or phone call is not acceptable.

Not everyone is available on their anniversary this year and the guilting has begun. We're all married with our own families and schedules. We feel an anniversary should be a celebration for the couple and by the couple. Are we "bad children" because we resent having to do something each and every year, for each and every event? -- TUCKERED OUT IN MARYLAND

DEAR TUCKERED OUT: No. But because a pattern has been established, your mother isn't going to be happy hearing you want to change it, so be prepared. Approach her as a group and tell her you'll be sending flowers for their anniversary from now on because you're all saving up to throw them a 50th.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a busy hospital with many patients from other countries. Our volunteer office collects magazines to distribute throughout the hospital for patients and visitors.

Please encourage your readers to donate magazines in English as well as any other languages that are spoken in their communities. These can help to ease the endless hours of waiting that inevitably occur. Thanks, Abby. -- EMILY P. IN HOUSTON

DEAR EMILY P.: You're welcome. And chemotherapy and dialysis centers would also welcome magazines for patients to read while they are being transfused. These are excellent ways to "recycle."

DEAR ABBY: My 8-year-old granddaughter has posed a question that stumped me, and I hope you can help with an answer: Why be neat and well-groomed?

She doesn't care what people think of how she looks. She sees no problem wearing clothes that are torn, etc. I am concerned that by the time she reaches adolescence she won't care how she looks when she leaves the house.

Her hair is extremely curly. It can't be combed or it gets wilder and frizzier, which adds to her unkempt appearance. Her hair may improve as she gets older if she's motivated to spend the extra time.

I am challenged by her question. How can I answer her? -- LOST FOR WORDS IN FLORIDA

DEAR LOST FOR WORDS: Please stop trying to have an adult conversation with an 8-year-old. Where is this child's mother? Why is she permitted to go around in "torn, etc." clothing? It's time to talk to your son or daughter about helping their child with her grooming. The way your granddaughter looks is not only a reflection on herself, but also the adults whose responsibility it is to care for her. While she may not care how she looks, her parents should.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a college freshman, majoring in French but taking other languages as well. I don't know what I want to do with my life, but I know that I love learning languages.

My friend, "Lacey," has offered me the chance to stay with her family in France during our next summer break. Her family suggested it, and Lacey is urging me to go. I want to go to France, but I was planning on studying abroad through my university in a couple of years.

Lacey thinks I should stay with her family for a month or two in order to appreciate the culture. She says I could do some baby-sitting or chores to earn my keep, but I have two concerns: I feel it would be an inconvenience for her family to take me in as a houseguest for the whole summer. And I don't know what I would do with myself.

Lacey won't be there, and I'd be living in a suburban area. I have no idea how I'd learn the culture without the structure only a school can provide. Lacey says school isn't a true experience, and I should just show up in France and decide as I go. We have reached an impasse, and I'd like to know what you would do in my shoes. -- TRES TROUBLEE IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR TRES TROUBLEE: Are you kidding? If I was offered a once-in-a-lifetime experience like this one, I'd take Lacey up on it in two seconds flat. And I'd keep a journal.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a candy store where things are pretty fast-paced and always busy. Please tell me how I should handle customers at the register -- mothers and daughters, couples, friends -- who fight over who should pay for the order. Two people will wave their cash at me and tell me not to let the other one pay. They actually expect me to choose!

From whom should I take the money in these pairs of people? If the store wasn't constantly so busy, I'd let them squabble among themselves, but that's not the case. I need to get the line moving in order to help other customers. Please advise. -- GIRL WITH A "SWEET" DILEMMA

DEAR GIRL: Handle it this way: Smile and say, "While you two are trying to decide, I'll help the next customer!"

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing a guy, "Casey," for three years. I have two children by another man, and Casey took them on as if they were his. They even call him "Daddy." I'm grateful I have someone who takes such good care of my kids. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him.

There's just one problem. Casey has a hard time keeping a job. He has had more than a dozen jobs during the last three years. The only income we have is mine, and it's not very much. We struggle quite a bit, and we fight about money. Things would be better if Casey would get a job and keep it, but I can't get him to understand that. Sometimes I feel like he's using me.

I want to stay with Casey, but now and then I also think I'd be better off if I left him. What can I do to make him understand that he needs to keep a job? Or, because I love him, should I stand beside him no matter what? -- BREADWINNER IN OHIO

DEAR BREADWINNER: If Casey doesn't understand after three years that you need an equal partner in the relationship, I doubt you'll ever get that message through to him. As it stands, you appear to have a live-in baby sitter "with benefits." Add to that the fact that on some level you sense you are being used and would be better off without him, and I conclude that day care would not only be less expensive, it would also provide you a chance to meet a man who's willing to pull his own weight. Right now it appears you have three dependents.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I both work two jobs, and we have raised three wonderful children. Over the years we have watched our friends build bigger and bigger homes, drive fancy cars and take extended trips to exotic locations while my husband and I work paycheck to paycheck.

What bothers me is that many of my girlfriends were "gold diggers" who stole wealthy men from other women, and some of the men seem to make money by doing illegal things. They're all living high on the hog while I dodge bill collectors.

I thought I was making good decisions and being morally responsible, but apparently the "nice guy/nice gal comes in last." When do these people get what's coming to them, and when do I get a break? -- NICE GAL IN OHIO

DEAR NICE GAL: How about starting right now? Start by shedding those people from your life whom you find morally reprehensible and look for some whose values more closely resemble your own. And instead of obsessing about others "getting what's coming to them," concentrate on improving your own life.

If you're dodging bill collectors, find a credit counseling agency to help you deal with them. It won't happen overnight, but things will improve as you get your financial life in order. Find a credit counseling agency that is approved by your Better Business Bureau or affiliated with the National Foundation for Credit Counseling or the Association of Independent Consumer Credit Counseling Agencies.