DEAR ABBY: My 8-year-old granddaughter has posed a question that stumped me, and I hope you can help with an answer: Why be neat and well-groomed?

She doesn't care what people think of how she looks. She sees no problem wearing clothes that are torn, etc. I am concerned that by the time she reaches adolescence she won't care how she looks when she leaves the house.

Her hair is extremely curly. It can't be combed or it gets wilder and frizzier, which adds to her unkempt appearance. Her hair may improve as she gets older if she's motivated to spend the extra time.

I am challenged by her question. How can I answer her? -- LOST FOR WORDS IN FLORIDA

DEAR LOST FOR WORDS: Please stop trying to have an adult conversation with an 8-year-old. Where is this child's mother? Why is she permitted to go around in "torn, etc." clothing? It's time to talk to your son or daughter about helping their child with her grooming. The way your granddaughter looks is not only a reflection on herself, but also the adults whose responsibility it is to care for her. While she may not care how she looks, her parents should.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a college freshman, majoring in French but taking other languages as well. I don't know what I want to do with my life, but I know that I love learning languages.

My friend, "Lacey," has offered me the chance to stay with her family in France during our next summer break. Her family suggested it, and Lacey is urging me to go. I want to go to France, but I was planning on studying abroad through my university in a couple of years.

Lacey thinks I should stay with her family for a month or two in order to appreciate the culture. She says I could do some baby-sitting or chores to earn my keep, but I have two concerns: I feel it would be an inconvenience for her family to take me in as a houseguest for the whole summer. And I don't know what I would do with myself.

Lacey won't be there, and I'd be living in a suburban area. I have no idea how I'd learn the culture without the structure only a school can provide. Lacey says school isn't a true experience, and I should just show up in France and decide as I go. We have reached an impasse, and I'd like to know what you would do in my shoes. -- TRES TROUBLEE IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR TRES TROUBLEE: Are you kidding? If I was offered a once-in-a-lifetime experience like this one, I'd take Lacey up on it in two seconds flat. And I'd keep a journal.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a candy store where things are pretty fast-paced and always busy. Please tell me how I should handle customers at the register -- mothers and daughters, couples, friends -- who fight over who should pay for the order. Two people will wave their cash at me and tell me not to let the other one pay. They actually expect me to choose!

From whom should I take the money in these pairs of people? If the store wasn't constantly so busy, I'd let them squabble among themselves, but that's not the case. I need to get the line moving in order to help other customers. Please advise. -- GIRL WITH A "SWEET" DILEMMA

DEAR GIRL: Handle it this way: Smile and say, "While you two are trying to decide, I'll help the next customer!"

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing a guy, "Casey," for three years. I have two children by another man, and Casey took them on as if they were his. They even call him "Daddy." I'm grateful I have someone who takes such good care of my kids. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him.

There's just one problem. Casey has a hard time keeping a job. He has had more than a dozen jobs during the last three years. The only income we have is mine, and it's not very much. We struggle quite a bit, and we fight about money. Things would be better if Casey would get a job and keep it, but I can't get him to understand that. Sometimes I feel like he's using me.

I want to stay with Casey, but now and then I also think I'd be better off if I left him. What can I do to make him understand that he needs to keep a job? Or, because I love him, should I stand beside him no matter what? -- BREADWINNER IN OHIO

DEAR BREADWINNER: If Casey doesn't understand after three years that you need an equal partner in the relationship, I doubt you'll ever get that message through to him. As it stands, you appear to have a live-in baby sitter "with benefits." Add to that the fact that on some level you sense you are being used and would be better off without him, and I conclude that day care would not only be less expensive, it would also provide you a chance to meet a man who's willing to pull his own weight. Right now it appears you have three dependents.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I both work two jobs, and we have raised three wonderful children. Over the years we have watched our friends build bigger and bigger homes, drive fancy cars and take extended trips to exotic locations while my husband and I work paycheck to paycheck.

What bothers me is that many of my girlfriends were "gold diggers" who stole wealthy men from other women, and some of the men seem to make money by doing illegal things. They're all living high on the hog while I dodge bill collectors.

I thought I was making good decisions and being morally responsible, but apparently the "nice guy/nice gal comes in last." When do these people get what's coming to them, and when do I get a break? -- NICE GAL IN OHIO

DEAR NICE GAL: How about starting right now? Start by shedding those people from your life whom you find morally reprehensible and look for some whose values more closely resemble your own. And instead of obsessing about others "getting what's coming to them," concentrate on improving your own life.

If you're dodging bill collectors, find a credit counseling agency to help you deal with them. It won't happen overnight, but things will improve as you get your financial life in order. Find a credit counseling agency that is approved by your Better Business Bureau or affiliated with the National Foundation for Credit Counseling or the Association of Independent Consumer Credit Counseling Agencies.

DEAR ABBY: I loved the letter from "Claire in Bethlehem, Pa." (Sept. 4), and her idea of creating dinner parties or luncheons to celebrate days with unique numbers. I agree wholeheartedly with your response to her. I bet if there were a 13-13-13, Murphy's Law would mandate that it fall on a Friday!

I am curious how many readers won't get the joke and will write in, feeling the need to explain to you that there isn't a 13th month. I am betting it'll be in the hundreds; my husband is betting maybe just a dozen. Could you settle that bet for us? We have a dinner riding on it. -- AMANDA IN ANMOORE, W.VA.

DEAR AMANDA: You win. I heard from readers by the hundreds, and about half of them volunteered that they thought I was "losing it." (Thanks, folks!) I hope the dinner your husband buys you will be sumptuous, intimate, candlelit and enjoyable. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: If you want your advice to be taken seriously, check what you write before you publish. In today's paper you said you hope 13-13-13 falls on a Friday. What planet are you from? I'm not sure I even want to read advice from a person who is this disconnected. So get out the calendar, check your facts and print a retraction! -- BILL IN KEY WEST

DEAR ABBY: I'm not a stupid person, but I thought you'd get a kick out of knowing I actually tried to research what day of the week 13-13-13 would fall on. Then I just cracked up out loud. -- SHARI IN PITTSBURG, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: Were you serious? I am sure you were trying to be funny, and I'm not trying to insult you. It took me a couple of seconds to realize there is no 13th month, so it would be impossible to throw a dinner party on 13-13-13.

I hope you'll write your column forever because it had an influence on me deciding to become a counselor. -- DIANNA IN SPRINGFIELD, ORE.

DEAR ABBY: I looked it up, and 13-13-13 does NOT fall on Friday. It falls on a Noneday. -- FLORA IN MILAN, MICH.

DEAR ABBY: Allow me to offer a suggestion to "Claire in Bethlehem, Pa." For her Oct. 10, 2010, party she should pop some popcorn and rent a Bo Derek movie. -- JOEL IN DOVER, N.H.

DEAR ABBY: I suggest you celebrate 13-13-13 on April Fool's Day. -- JOAN IN CHARLESTON, ILL.

DEAR READERS: It is my intent that this column not only inform, educate and occasionally inspire, but also entertain. The daily news is often depressing, and I would like to give you some relief from it -- a place where you can learn from the predicaments of others and, once in a while, turn the page with a smile. -- Love, ABBY