DEAR ABBY: Please print this for me on behalf of myself and all the other well-intentioned folks out there who have lent money to others.

"Dear Friend, Family Member or Co-Worker: You came to me in a state of panic -- unable to make your car payment, pay your lawyer's fee, your taxes or the light bill. You asked for my help. I gave it to you because I respected and trusted you enough to go out on a limb for you. Please honor your promise to repay me without my having to ask you.

"Please don't show up in a new car or with photos on your new cell phone from your exotic vacation until I have been repaid. Please don't invent a reason to be 'mad' at me, as if that erases the loan. And please do not ask for another loan while you still owe me money!"

Abby, I know you'll say I should have drawn up official papers for the loan but, the truth is, few people expect to be shafted by the people they care about. All someone who owes money has to do is pick up the phone, initiate a payment plan and then stick to it. -- FEELING USED IN NEW BRIGHTON, PA.

DEAR FEELING USED: Your problem isn't a new one. William Shakespeare wrote, "Neither a borrower nor a lender be." I would be remiss if I didn't stress to you -- and the rest of my readers -- the importance of talking to a lawyer or CPA before lending any significant amount of money to anyone. (By "significant" I mean any amount that you can't afford to lose.) If papers are drawn up and for some reason the borrower is unable to repay the loan, there could be a tax benefit for the lender.

DEAR ABBY: I have just learned that my husband of 28 years has end-stage leukemia. I worked in the medical field for years and have been around a lot of sick people, but this is "unreal" for me. I'm in a state of shock, and terrified about what lies ahead.

I have told all our children except our daughter, "Pearl." Pearl is pregnant and has miscarried three times. She knows her father hasn't been well, but she doesn't know the current facts. When her father first became ill, Pearl told me that if I ever withheld any critical information about it from her she would never forgive me. She lives in another state, far from us. I am worried if I tell her about her dad's condition she'll have complications with her pregnancy. But if I don't and her dad worsens, Pearl might not get to see him in time.

Am I wrong to keep this from her? Should I tell her? I don't want to increase her stress and risk of having another problem with her pregnancy. -- SUFFERING IN SILENCE

DEAR SUFFERING: When Pearl first learned of her father's diagnosis, she put you on notice. Because your other children know your husband's condition has worsened, what is to prevent one of them from letting something slip?

Call your daughter and let her know her dad's condition has worsened, but that he's getting the best treatment available. Do not announce that he is dying. She'll catch on to that fact as she talks to you, her other siblings and to her father as time progresses.

Much as you would like to, you can't protect Pearl from this reality. Better she experience the loss of her father along with you and her siblings than to learn later that she was left out.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I were visiting our children and grandson, "Rhett," age 24. Rhett is a college student who lives at home. He had his girlfriend, "Peggy," who lives in another town, at the house for the weekend.

Rhett and Peggy retired to his room early in the evening. When we saw them at breakfast, they were, basically, uncommunicative. Shortly after, they went to the backyard and immediately climbed into the hammock, where they lay like tightly wound dishrags for the next two hours until it was time for us to leave. Our son and his wife did not awaken them to say goodbye, so we concluded that they had been exhausted by the previous night's activities.

Is this normal behavior in today's world? We realize that we may be "old fogeys" by current standards, but isn't there any line drawn anymore? My son and his wife acted like this was all perfectly fine. -- INVISIBLE GRANDPA IN ARKANSAS

DEAR GRANDPA: Whether Rhett's behavior -- and his parents' tolerance of it -- is "fine" in today's world depends upon the standards in that household. However, there are "family manners" and "company manners." From your description of the goings-on during your visit, and that no effort was made to spend any quality time with you, I'd say your grandson's behavior was just plain rude.

That said, Rhett was not entirely to blame. Some fault lies with your son and his wife for tolerating your being ignored and not insisting that you be treated with more courtesy and respect.

DEAR ABBY: My brother, "Jeff," has not communicated with any of the family -- parents or siblings -- for two years. Nobody knows why. We grew up a close-knit family with lots of love and affection.

About six years ago, Jeff moved with his wife and children to a different state. During the first few years, he stayed in touch via phone calls and e-mails, but suddenly all communication ceased. We know where he lives and have tried contacting him through letters, phone calls and e-mails, but he will not respond. Our parents are devastated and none of us knows what to do.

We have so many questions: Is Jeff hiding something? Is he ill? How are the children? What do we do, Abby? Please help. -- FAMILY IN PAIN

DEAR IN PAIN: Because you have tried everything else, only one thing is left. If at all possible, your parents and the sibling who was closest to Jeff should schedule a visit to the city in which he now resides and pay him a call.

DEAR ABBY: I married a man who owns a duplex with his mother. When the taxes come due there are two sets -- one for each side. The house is not habitable. It needs a lot of work to get it ready.

My mother-in-law thinks her son should pay the taxes on both sides, and also pay to fix up the place. Now that he has a wife, his mother thinks I should help him pay for the house and the taxes. But the deed is "survivorship" with him and his mother. Why should I pay to get it fixed up when his mom makes it clear that if something happens to her son, the house is hers and hers alone? -- TAKEN FOR GRANTED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TAKEN FOR GRANTED: Beats me! I wouldn't do it, and neither should you.

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for your response to "Alarmed in Apple Valley" (Aug. 28), who was concerned because her teenage nephew shows so much affection toward his mother. I raised a very affectionate son who, to this day at age 30, hugs and kisses me no matter where we meet. I raised him with the principle that because he is male does not mean he has to hide his feelings as generations before him did. My daughter-in-law tells me often that she could not ask for a better husband and father to her children.

Americans coddle girls when they hurt, but a boy is supposed to "take it like a man" and not express his feelings. I am pleased to know other mothers out there are also raising their sons to be well-rounded, emotionally healthy men. -- PROUD MOM OF A NAVY SON

DEAR PROUD MOM: I advised the "Alarmed" aunt that she was off base in her concerns, and the majority of readers who wrote to comment agreed. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Have we become so cynical in this day and age that genuine affection is looked upon as dirty and unsavory? How sad!

My 22-year-old daughter hangs on me and smooches me (and her father and grandparents) in public. It's a great feeling for parents to know their kid loves them and isn't embarrassed to be seen with them. (Too many of them are.) The aunt who complained about her nephew kissing his mother on the cheek and putting his arm around her may have intimacy problems that she's projecting onto her sister. -- LESLIE IN SELMA, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I hope "Alarmed in Apple Valley" doesn't end up doing what my sister did when she saw the display of affection between my 11-year-old daughter and me, her dad. My sister's "concern" prompted her to coerce her adult son into visiting my clergyperson about it. A short investigation found me innocent of wrongdoing but left me with my innocence violated. Relationships were drastically altered -- especially between my sister and me. Eventually, I came to realize why she was so suspicious of abuse. She herself was willing to abuse -- the church, her son, her brother and her niece. -- WISER NOW IN SALT LAKE CITY

DEAR ABBY: I was never prouder of my son than when a friend of his said to him, "You hug your mom in public?" (It was after a game.) I was the one to hold back in public because I didn't want to embarrass my son who was a "big guy on campus." My boy's simple reply to his friend was, "Don't you?" It was never questioned again.

No child should ever feel it's wrong to show affection to his or her parents. For me, having a 15-year-old who wasn't embarrassed to be seen with his mother was huge. I agree with you, Abby. Some people read evil into everything and that's a shame. -- KARIN IN CHELMSFORD, MASS.

DEAR ABBY: Your response to "Alarmed" included a French saying that translates "Evil be he who thinks evil of it." That saying originated in England, where the highest, most ancient order of knighthood is the Order of the Garter. Around 1340, King Edward III was dancing at a formal ball with the Countess of Salisbury. During the dance, she dropped her garter. The king picked it up, put it on his own leg, looked at the others present and said, "Honi soit qui mal y pense" (Shame on him who thinks evil of it), then gallantly returned it to her.

Margaret Murray writes in her 1931 book "The God of the Witches" that it would have taken more than a dropped garter to embarrass a woman in the 14th century. The garter was probably a ritual one, signifying that the countess was a pagan leader -- a priestess of witchcraft. To drop the garter before the high dignitaries of the church could certainly have caused embarrassment. Edward's smart gesture in placing it on his own leg not only saved face for the countess but demonstrated his willingness to be a leader of the pagan population of England as well as the Christian. So I've heard ... MARK D. DUNN, GARLAND, TEXAS