DEAR ABBY: I attended a business-related function with my boss and some co-workers. I had way too much to drink and ended up having sex with my boss. (He offered me a ride to my car and took advantage of me.) If I had been sober, it would never have happened.

Since then, my boss continues to pursue me even though I have made it clear that it was a mistake and something I truly regret. I have no interest in this man. He is married, and it sickens me every time I think about it. I am too ashamed to discuss this with anyone, but my boss won't leave me alone. Please tell me what I should do. -- EMBARRASSED IN CHICAGO

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Your boss is acting like a sexual predator, and has from the beginning. If you haven't been documenting his harassment, begin to do so immediately. And if anyone has seen him put the moves on you, so much the better. You should also discuss this with an attorney, and because you are "embarrassed," make it a woman.

DEAR ABBY: My brother "Eric's" car was destroyed in a natural disaster four years ago. His insurance company paid for the loss, but he never replaced the car. For the next two years he borrowed one from another family member until she finally put a stop to it. For the last two years Eric has been using one of mine.

It started out as a temporary loan, but now he acts like I gave it to him. I still pay for its upkeep and insurance, because if I didn't, Eric wouldn't. I have offered to sell it to him for a reasonable price, but every time I mention it he comes up with an excuse.

I feel used. How do I tell my brother I want my car back without stepping on anyone's toes? We are a close family, and I'm afraid he'll hold a grudge if I tell him how I feel. He and his wife have full-time, well-paying jobs. My husband and I have two other vehicles, so I don't need the other one desperately. I just hate seeing it used and abused like this. Should I feel guilty about wanting my wheels back? -- USED UP IN THE SOUTH

DEAR USED UP: No, you shouldn't -- and your signature speaks volumes. Now pick up the phone and call your insurance agent. It is possible that because you are the legal owner of that vehicle, you could be responsible for any damage that your brother might cause while driving it.

You have been a wonderful and generous sister for having allowed him to use it for as long as he has. Because you're having trouble finding the words to tell Eric that you want him to stand on his own two feet and provide his own transportation, ask the relative who loaned him the last one to let you borrow her script.

DEAR ABBY: I am regularly invited out to eat by either of two friends, both of whom are very wealthy. I have noticed that neither one leaves a 15 percent tip. They usually leave 10 or 12 percent.

I feel uncomfortable when they don't leave a server what I consider to be the minimum appropriate tip. Would it be OK for me to add to the tip they are leaving? I don't want to offend them. Please advise. -- RED-FACED IN RICHMOND, CALIF.

DEAR RED-FACED: If you can find a way to do it discreetly, without embarrassing your host, I am sure your generosity would be appreciated by the server.

DEAR ABBY: I'm engaged to the man of my dreams. Our wedding is two months away, and I couldn't be more excited about starting my life with "Jeff."

Only one thing bothers me. When the two of us eat alone together, Jeff throws his manners out the window. He kind of eats like a pig. He opens his mouth as wide as it will go and takes as big a bite as he can. Then, as he's chewing (even with his mouth closed) he makes noises. I can't get past the noises!

I know Jeff knows better because he doesn't eat like this when we're out with his parents or having dinner with friends. The first time he did it I thought he was joking. The second time, I thought he was just really hungry. Now I realize this is the way he eats. We have known each other two years, so we have had plenty of time to get acquainted.

How do I tell him his eating behavior gets under my skin? I don't want any children we have to learn these habits. Jeff has a tender heart, and I don't want to hurt his feelings. -- LOOKING ASKANCE IN TEXAS

DEAR LOOKING: You are about two years late in telling your fiance how his eating habits affect you. If you can't discuss something as basic as this, how are you going to discuss the challenging problems that will inevitably arise after the two of you are married?

You said yourself that Jeff knows better. He eats this way in front of you because he thinks you don't mind. So please level with him now -- before the wedding. It won't hurt his feelings; it will set him straight.

DEAR ABBY: I am 13, 5 feet 3, and weigh 90 pounds. I just started high school. My parents think I'm starving myself. They call me "disgusting," "horrifying," and my personal favorite -- "ugly." My brother calls me "Skinny Bones Jones."

I do not starve myself, nor am I anorexic or bulimic. I just happen to get full from small portions rather quickly -- or I may not be hungry at the moment. At night I do some quick exercises and yoga positions so I won't feel bloated from meals. Some of my friends have said they think I have become anorexic.

Because of all this my self-esteem is at an all-time low. I used to weigh more than 100 pounds, but recently I got the stomach flu, which explains my sudden weight loss and fullness. Am I wrong in thinking I'm healthy? Are my family and friends right that I'm anorexic? Please help. -- 90-POUND GIRL IN FULLERTON, CALIF.

DEAR 90-POUND GIRL: When "everyone" starts telling us something we don't want to hear, it may be time to pay attention. One sentence in your letter tells me that you may have an eating disorder -- it's your comment about needing to exercise after eating because you feel bloated.

You should be evaluated by a nurse at school, if there is one, or by a physician to be sure you're getting enough nutrients to remain healthy, that you're not overdoing the exercise, and if there could be a physical problem causing the feeling you're interpreting as "bloat."

Please share what I have said with your parents because it's important. Name-calling and ridicule are not the answer to a problem like the one you may have.

DEAR ABBY: My brother, "Luke," died young due to drug addiction. When our son, "Adam," misbehaves, my husband blames me. He says Adam is going to end up "just like Luke," and it will be my fault.

My mother bailed my brother out of his problems, but I have never done that with our son. I have told my husband numerous times how cruel it is to suggest Adam could end up like Luke, but he continues to say it and then "remind" me if it happens, it will be because of me.

My husband is a wonderful man in every other way, but he doesn't seem to realize how hurtful and unnecessary his cruel words are when he compares our son to my brother. -- SAD MOM IN TEXAS

DEAR SAD MOM: Wake up and smell the coffee. Your husband realizes exactly how cruel that comparison is, and has since the first time you expressed how deeply hurtful it was. I see nothing helpful or constructive about comparing your son to a boy who died too young and too soon. If it's said in front of Adam often, it could become a self-fulfilling prophecy. (Nothing like the power of suggestion.)

So stop feeling victimized and demand that your "wonderful" husband cut it out, because if something should happen, the fault will be HIS.

DEAR ABBY: I work at a school as an educational assistant. There are fewer than 100 kids in the entire high school, and I have gotten to know them all. When I go around the small neighborhoods trick-or-treating with my little ones, I see the high school kids in their costumes as well. They are well-behaved and having a good time.

Some of the teachers say the kids are too old to be trick-or-treating and they should "get a life." Well, their "life" is this small town, and I see nothing wrong with them participating in a good time along with the younger ones. They're not causing trouble. There is very little for them to do outside of school and sports, and Halloween is an opportunity for them to have fun.

What's your opinion? Are high school-age children too old to trick-or-treat? -- CONCERNED FOR THE KIDS

DEAR CONCERNED: I see nothing wrong with the high school kids dressing up and having a good time trick-or-treating on Halloween. The teachers who feel the kids are too old should be less critical. A positive -- and age-appropriate -- alternative would be for the school to arrange a party or a dance that evening. Considering the fact that it's a small town and the student body is small, it should be manageable.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are Civil War re-enactors. (My husband is a cannon soldier and I am a nurse re-enactor.) We would greatly appreciate it if you would remind your readers that if they come to any of the re-enactments to please not talk to the participants while they are firing weapons in "battle" because it could distract them. Something could go wrong and they could be badly injured. Thank you, Abby. -- CIVIL WAR RE-ENACTOR IN ELMIRA, N.Y.

DEAR RE-ENACTOR: I'm pleased to pass along your important reminder. It would be a shame if someone became a casualty of a war that ended in 1865. People who attend a war re-enactment should realize they are watching a performance, and not participating in "history."