DEAR ABBY: I'm engaged to the man of my dreams. Our wedding is two months away, and I couldn't be more excited about starting my life with "Jeff."

Only one thing bothers me. When the two of us eat alone together, Jeff throws his manners out the window. He kind of eats like a pig. He opens his mouth as wide as it will go and takes as big a bite as he can. Then, as he's chewing (even with his mouth closed) he makes noises. I can't get past the noises!

I know Jeff knows better because he doesn't eat like this when we're out with his parents or having dinner with friends. The first time he did it I thought he was joking. The second time, I thought he was just really hungry. Now I realize this is the way he eats. We have known each other two years, so we have had plenty of time to get acquainted.

How do I tell him his eating behavior gets under my skin? I don't want any children we have to learn these habits. Jeff has a tender heart, and I don't want to hurt his feelings. -- LOOKING ASKANCE IN TEXAS

DEAR LOOKING: You are about two years late in telling your fiance how his eating habits affect you. If you can't discuss something as basic as this, how are you going to discuss the challenging problems that will inevitably arise after the two of you are married?

You said yourself that Jeff knows better. He eats this way in front of you because he thinks you don't mind. So please level with him now -- before the wedding. It won't hurt his feelings; it will set him straight.

DEAR ABBY: I am 13, 5 feet 3, and weigh 90 pounds. I just started high school. My parents think I'm starving myself. They call me "disgusting," "horrifying," and my personal favorite -- "ugly." My brother calls me "Skinny Bones Jones."

I do not starve myself, nor am I anorexic or bulimic. I just happen to get full from small portions rather quickly -- or I may not be hungry at the moment. At night I do some quick exercises and yoga positions so I won't feel bloated from meals. Some of my friends have said they think I have become anorexic.

Because of all this my self-esteem is at an all-time low. I used to weigh more than 100 pounds, but recently I got the stomach flu, which explains my sudden weight loss and fullness. Am I wrong in thinking I'm healthy? Are my family and friends right that I'm anorexic? Please help. -- 90-POUND GIRL IN FULLERTON, CALIF.

DEAR 90-POUND GIRL: When "everyone" starts telling us something we don't want to hear, it may be time to pay attention. One sentence in your letter tells me that you may have an eating disorder -- it's your comment about needing to exercise after eating because you feel bloated.

You should be evaluated by a nurse at school, if there is one, or by a physician to be sure you're getting enough nutrients to remain healthy, that you're not overdoing the exercise, and if there could be a physical problem causing the feeling you're interpreting as "bloat."

Please share what I have said with your parents because it's important. Name-calling and ridicule are not the answer to a problem like the one you may have.

DEAR ABBY: My brother, "Luke," died young due to drug addiction. When our son, "Adam," misbehaves, my husband blames me. He says Adam is going to end up "just like Luke," and it will be my fault.

My mother bailed my brother out of his problems, but I have never done that with our son. I have told my husband numerous times how cruel it is to suggest Adam could end up like Luke, but he continues to say it and then "remind" me if it happens, it will be because of me.

My husband is a wonderful man in every other way, but he doesn't seem to realize how hurtful and unnecessary his cruel words are when he compares our son to my brother. -- SAD MOM IN TEXAS

DEAR SAD MOM: Wake up and smell the coffee. Your husband realizes exactly how cruel that comparison is, and has since the first time you expressed how deeply hurtful it was. I see nothing helpful or constructive about comparing your son to a boy who died too young and too soon. If it's said in front of Adam often, it could become a self-fulfilling prophecy. (Nothing like the power of suggestion.)

So stop feeling victimized and demand that your "wonderful" husband cut it out, because if something should happen, the fault will be HIS.

DEAR ABBY: I work at a school as an educational assistant. There are fewer than 100 kids in the entire high school, and I have gotten to know them all. When I go around the small neighborhoods trick-or-treating with my little ones, I see the high school kids in their costumes as well. They are well-behaved and having a good time.

Some of the teachers say the kids are too old to be trick-or-treating and they should "get a life." Well, their "life" is this small town, and I see nothing wrong with them participating in a good time along with the younger ones. They're not causing trouble. There is very little for them to do outside of school and sports, and Halloween is an opportunity for them to have fun.

What's your opinion? Are high school-age children too old to trick-or-treat? -- CONCERNED FOR THE KIDS

DEAR CONCERNED: I see nothing wrong with the high school kids dressing up and having a good time trick-or-treating on Halloween. The teachers who feel the kids are too old should be less critical. A positive -- and age-appropriate -- alternative would be for the school to arrange a party or a dance that evening. Considering the fact that it's a small town and the student body is small, it should be manageable.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are Civil War re-enactors. (My husband is a cannon soldier and I am a nurse re-enactor.) We would greatly appreciate it if you would remind your readers that if they come to any of the re-enactments to please not talk to the participants while they are firing weapons in "battle" because it could distract them. Something could go wrong and they could be badly injured. Thank you, Abby. -- CIVIL WAR RE-ENACTOR IN ELMIRA, N.Y.

DEAR RE-ENACTOR: I'm pleased to pass along your important reminder. It would be a shame if someone became a casualty of a war that ended in 1865. People who attend a war re-enactment should realize they are watching a performance, and not participating in "history."

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Harvey," and I have operated a home-based business for more than 20 years. Harvey is an amazing technician, extremely efficient with his time on the job. The problem is, he is always in a hurry to get to the next job.

I receive calls from angry motorists complaining that "the driver of one of our trucks" cut them off, yelled at them or flipped them off in traffic. When I receive one of these calls I say, "Thank you for calling. I'll be sure to speak to the appropriate driver about the incident."

Harvey feels I should support him by telling the caller it was probably his own fault for talking on a cell phone, driving too slow or cutting him off. I have no doubt that some of these motorists actually do those things, but my husband is driving around with his phone number on his truck and they're not. When I mention the complaints, he wants to call them back using caller ID.

Am I handling this appropriately? I don't feel I should reprimand someone for bad driving if I wasn't present when something happened, nor do I want anyone to know it was my husband -- the owner of the business -- who flipped them off. Harvey is angry at me because I'm "not supporting" him. Any suggestions? -- BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE

DEAR BETWEEN: Harvey may be a great technician, but it appears he's a little short on common sense and good manners. I see no reason why you should defend him. His behavior is not only childish but also dangerous. Because other motorists are actually calling to report his erratic driving, it's a pretty good indication that your husband is an accident waiting to happen.

It's time you mentioned to him that what he's doing is also bad for business. Those he offends in traffic are not likely to say a kind word about the business he's advertising on his truck.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Adrian," and I have been married five years, but there is something looming in our future that both of us dread -- our parents' old age. Adrian is an only child. I have one sister, but when it comes to caring for our parents, I might as well be an only child.

Adrian's parents live month-to-month on Social Security and pension checks. If they ever have any extra money, they don't save it. They buy each other expensive gifts and eat out. Neither one of them is in good health, and the day will come when they won't be able to care for themselves or each other, and I know they'll expect us to do it.

My parents are about the same, except they're banking on an inheritance to see them through retirement. That money may or may not be enough, considering how long people live now. My grandparents were frugal. They saved and were determined not to be a burden on their children.

Our parents think it's our duty to care for them. His parents are in their late 60s, and we have young children. We cringe at the idea that after all our hard work we'll go from caring for our children to caring for our parents with no time for ourselves. -- AFRAID FOR THE FUTURE IN SAN ANTONIO

DEAR AFRAID: No one can foresee the future, so stop ruining the present by obsessing about what "might" happen. You say your in-laws are not in good health? One or both of them could die before they become completely dependent on you and your husband. The same is true for your parents. Forgive me if this seems cold, but it happens to be the truth.