DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Laura," and I have been married 15 years. She recently had gastric bypass surgery and has lost 80 pounds so far.

The last time Laura was slim (about seven years ago), she had an affair with a co-worker and we nearly divorced. With her current weight loss, she is now going out with friends from work one night a week. This means that after all the activities we have scheduled for our kids, there is no night for us. I have had two weekends off in the last six weeks. During both of them Laura went to Las Vegas with her friends.

I'm pleased that my wife is happy with her looks, and I don't want to appear insecure, but I can't help but feel it's "deja vu all over again." When I ask where she's going, who she's going with and why now, she gets angry and says she won't put up with my "insecurities." We went to counseling after the affair, but Laura lied and denied she'd had one. I would really appreciate some advice. -- YO-YO HUSBAND IN LONG BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR YO-YO HUSBAND: Your wife may think it's an invasion of her privacy to be asked where she's going, when she'll be back and who she's spending her time with -- but that's the kind of accountability people sign up for when they have a spouse and children. Your insecurity is understandable in light of her past infidelity.

The fact that she'd rather go to Las Vegas for the weekend than spend some alone time with you sends a strong message. I think you already know your marriage is in trouble, so offer your wife the option of marriage counseling. If she refuses -- which wouldn't surprise me -- go without her. A licensed therapist will help you understand the dynamics of what's going on and help you reach some important conclusions about your future.

DEAR ABBY: It's apparent that the art of saying "thank you" has gone by the wayside. I'm a widow with limited funds who likes to surprise relatives with nice gifts on special occasions. I sent a food gift to one of them as a housewarming present. Her mother wrote and thanked me, but added that it gave her a stomachache and she was sick for three days!

I shopped carefully for a niece who was starting kindergarten. I selected a sweet "girly" backpack in her favorite color with butterflies and a smattering of sparkles. Her mom responded that I should have bought a bigger one with a metal frame so she could also use it for family outings, the beach, the zoo, etc. -- as if I knew which ones she liked THIS week.

I sent a classic silk blouse to a young woman who was starting her first office job. Her mother told me she would have preferred something more "youthful."

What is wrong with just saying "thank you"? -- IRRITATED AUNT IN MIAMI

DEAR IRRITATED AUNT: Nothing is wrong with it; in fact, "thank you" is the appropriate and gracious response. But what these mothers are really telling you is that they never taught their daughters one of the important social graces -- how to send a prompt and courteous acknowledgment for any gift they receive. They're also telling you that in the future, you should save your money.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a call center with 35 other workers. Recently our supervisor hired a woman who is mentally ill. We acknowledge that she has a right to work and, for the most part, she appears to be capable.

The problem is she hears "voices" speaking to her and often responds to them. Other times she "hears" co-workers seated behind her plotting to kill her, which, of course, is not true. She disrupts those around her by constantly asking if they can hear what others are saying about her and what she should do about it.

We have spoken to our supervisor about our concerns. His answer is, "Just be quiet and it will be OK." We don't dislike her -- in fact, we're sympathetic -- but we resent the position we have been placed in. None of us have been trained to deal with mental health issues. Have you any suggestions on how to handle this? -- UNEASY IN OHIO

DEAR UNEASY: Your supervisor is mistaken. Just being quiet is not the answer because the voices the woman is hearing are in her head. She's acting this way because she has gone off her medication.

This may be a workplace safety issue. Therefore, you and your co-workers must insist that the supervisor take action to ensure that she's not posing a threat to all of you.

DEAR ABBY: Would it be inappropriate or tacky if I had a mother/daughter dance at my daughter's wedding? I know it's a father/daughter tradition, and my husband will obviously have his dance with her, but I'd like to have a shot at it, too.

My reason is purely selfish. Having lost my son two years ago, I will never experience the mother/son dance we were supposed to share at his wedding the year he died.

Is this crazy? Horribly inappropriate? Am I being too selfish? -- SENTIMENTAL IN YONKERS

DEAR SENTIMENTAL: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your son. The mother/daughter dance is something you need to discuss with your daughter and her fiance. What you have in mind is unusual. However, it would be selfish only if you were to pressure your daughter into it over her objections.

DEAR ABBY: I am extremely thin and have struggled for years with eating disorders and an unhealthy relationship with food. It's difficult for me to go out with family and friends because everyone watches me -- from what I order to how much I consume -- and comments on it. If they decide I haven't eaten enough, they make hurtful comments about my weight.

What I need people to understand is that it is just as hurtful to make fun of someone who is thin by calling him names such as "Stick" or "Bean Pole" as it is to mock a fat person.

Some of us are thin because we are ill, whether it is physically or emotionally. Making fun of us is tasteless, hurtful and unhelpful. -- ROBERT IN N.Y.C.

DEAR ROBERT: I'm glad you wrote, because your letter provides me with the opening to remind my readers that joking about someone's appearance isn't clever or funny. It's cruel. While the target may take those comments with apparent good humor, no one likes to be ridiculed. And frankly, when it happens, it demeans the speaker more than the person at which it is aimed.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend "Jenny's" husband died four years ago. They had been married 28 years, and she has grieved hard for him. She has been looking for a relationship because she wants a man in her life.

Three months ago, she ran into a married man she knew through her former job. (I'll call him "George.") They were casual acquaintances, but when George learned she was a widow he immediately asked for her phone number. He called the next day, they talked, he visited her at her home, and they had unprotected sex. They now see each other once or twice a week and have sex. That's all they do. Jenny says she's in love with him. She talks about him constantly and says she's very happy.

My husband and I were at a club the other night and saw George in the company of another woman. I haven't told Jenny because she doesn't want to be told if her man is cheating on her. She says that what she doesn't know won't hurt her. I disagree. If he's having unprotected sex with her, it's probably the same with the other woman. George appears to be a player and Jenny has blinders on. I'm worried about her.

I don't want to ruin our friendship. We love each other like sisters. But I hate seeing her used like this. What should I do? My husband says leave it alone -- she'll find out anyway. -- DISMAYED IN DALLAS

DEAR DISMAYED: When someone tells you she doesn't want to know if her man is cheating on her and what she doesn't know won't hurt her, take it from me, she already knows he probably is. And by the way, George isn't "her" man -- he is his wife's man. How do you know he wasn't with his wife that night at the club?

You may love Jenny like a sister, but you can't save her. Your husband is right. Leave it alone.

DEAR ABBY: I work for a small company where I'm one of 12 employees under one manager. My boss, "Debbie," is having problems at home. Almost daily, she brings her not-so-sunny outlook to the office and proceeds to drag everyone else down.

Any time a colleague has something positive to share, Debbie finds a way to negate it. If someone mentions it's nice weather, she'll complain about how much yard work she needs to do and the disastrous effects of global warming. She even complained that a pregnant co-worker's impending maternity leave will be "inconvenient."

The woman thrives on negativity, chaos and stress. She even complains about happy times of the year like summer vacations and holidays because we tend to be busier. (Isn't that a good thing considering the economic climate?)

Our office is small, so there's no escaping her. If she's not complaining to us, she's telling the same sob stories to a client on the phone. What can my co-workers and I do to keep from being dragged down with her? -- WORKING FOR "DEBBIE DOWNER INC."

DEAR WORKING: You and your co-workers should talk to your employer as a group because "Debbie's" behavior is neither professional nor conducive to a healthy working environment. Your boss should also be told that she is sharing her "sob stories" with clients, because it could cost him business.

Debbie may or may not need psychological counseling, but she definitely needs to be "counseled" about leaving her personal problems at the door when she enters the work environment. And the person to stress that to her is HER boss.