DEAR ABBY: "Pillow Talk in Abilene" (July 24) had to have been written by my husband, Dick. I went looking for him and asked if he had written to you. When I held up your column, he was shocked. We laughed so hard I had trouble reading the piece to him.

This scenario must be universal. I make the bed with the pillow opening on the outside; Dick makes it with the opening on the inside. We always thought it was funny because we do many things differently. Thanks for the dose of morning humor. -- PAT AND DICK IN SPRING HILL, FLA.

DEAR PAT AND DICK: I'm pleased to have started your morning on a light note. Read on for more -- as well as some practical explanations:

DEAR ABBY: There's a very good reason why the open end of the pillow faces the inside of the bed. When I was 3 or 4, I realized that placing the open end toward the inside would prevent monsters from getting into my pillow. It has worked like a charm for 55 years. -- RESTING EASY IN KANSAS

DEAR ABBY: I was in the military, and bed-making is one of the things you learn in boot camp, in addition to how to properly fold T-shirts, underwear and bras -- yes, folding bras. The mantra for placing pillowcases is, "Seam and Slack to the Center of the Rack," open end to the left (which indicates the outside edge of the bed). So there you go -- straight from Uncle Sam himself. -- SHELLIE IN CHICAGO

DEAR ABBY: It sounds to me that "Pillow Talk" and his wife have too much time on their hands. If all they have to do is debate which way to turn the pillows when they make the bed, how do they feel about the epidemic of belly-button lint? What difference does it make which way the pillow edges are turned? They're usually hidden by a comforter or spread anyway. -- PRACTICAL IN WINSTON-SALEM, N.C.

DEAR ABBY: In nursing school we were taught that the opening of the pillowcase should face away from the entrance to the room. The reason is when you walk, germs and particles from the floor are kicked up and can enter the side of the pillow, which increases the potential for infections and disease through the capture of microorganisms in the pillow opening. -- SANDY IN ARIZONA

DEAR ABBY: I didn't think your readers could top (or bottom) the great toilet paper debate (over the front or under the back), but the question about the direction of the pillowcase opening has done it. Most of us are preoccupied with worrying about health care, the economy, the two wars we are fighting, our jobs and putting food on the table. That couple needs to get a life! -- JOHN W., LEXINGTON, KY.

DEAR ABBY: As a young girl I was taught the "proper" way to make a bed was with the pillowcase opening facing the edge of the bed -- not the middle. Back then, this was done so leaking feathers wouldn't end up inside the bed but on the floor. -- INGER IN PORTSMOUTH, N.H.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I had the same argument, until he explained why he wanted the edges facing out. When he put his arm under me to "spoon," he would get caught in the pillowcase if it faced in. We solved the problem by making the bed up for "looks," but when we turn it down for the night, we flip the pillow around. Now we're both happy! -- MINDY IN NEW MEXICO

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DEAR ABBY: I know it's early, but my problem is Thanksgiving. For the past several years we have included four other families for Thanksgiving dinner in our home. Their children are married now, and including their spouses and stepchildren, the number of guests is now close to 30. I feel it is too many and would like to downsize.

One family is my son's in-laws, whom I consider to be family. Another family hosts everyone for Easter, and I would still like to include them because we're close and we spend holidays with them.

The other two families are not as close with us anymore. We have never been invited to celebrate a holiday in their homes. They could cook for their families, and I feel like I am being used. I would like to tell them, after Thanksgiving is over this year, that we plan to have a smaller gathering next year. That will allow them ample time to make other plans. My husband agrees. How do I do this without causing a rift, since two families will be included and two won't? -- THANKSGIVING QUANDARY

DEAR QUANDARY: Because you are feeling "used," why not draw the line now? If you do, the two families will still have time to make other plans.

The way to handle it would be to say: "This has been a year when everyone has had to cut back, and we are no exception. That's why we are limiting the number of guests we will be entertaining this Thanksgiving. We wanted you to know so there is enough time for you to make other arrangements. The parties have simply become too much work and too expensive to continue."

If those folks are friends, they'll grasp the economic reality and won't resent your honesty and pragmatism. And if they don't, they weren't real friends to begin with.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 42-year-old female physician. I have been dating an engineer for some time who is currently unemployed. He's a good person, gentle and affectionate. However, he won't introduce me to his mother. I'm not sure why. The subject has come up several times, and he keeps putting it off. She's his only living family member.

Should this raise a red flag? We're both from India and he lives with his mother, which is common practice. -- M.D. IN A MUDDLE

DEAR M.D.: If the man is financially or emotionally dependent on his mother, he may be afraid that she will disapprove. Or, it could have something to do with the fact that he's unemployed. Whatever his reason, he owes you an explanation if you've been seeing each other for an extended period of time. And yes, it is a red flag. Bright red.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of several years has just told me he won't marry me as long as I have student loan debt to pay off. I have always been upfront with him about the amount of money I owe. It's a sizable sum, but my credit is good.

He says he loves me but cannot, in good faith, start a life with me owing that much money. Abby, am I wrong to think that student loans should not stop two people who love each other from getting married? -- LOANED OUT IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR LOANED OUT: No, you are not. And furthermore, I suspect that rather than the money being the issue, it's that your boyfriend has had a change of heart.

DEAR ABBY: Several months ago I made a terrible mistake and e-mailed "Tom" -- a friend I had a crush on -- some topless pictures of myself. Tom rejected me because he is happily married. I am married, too, and when my husband, "Jake," discovered the pictures on our computer and realized what I had done, we discussed it and agreed to put them aside and never talk about them again.

Because Tom and I are friends and he was doing some repair work on our home, I have spoken to him on my cell phone numerous times. When Jake saw the phone records and realized I was still talking to Tom, he posted my pictures on an Internet porn site for all the world to see and blamed Tom so I wouldn't speak to him anymore.

Abby, Jake never told me I couldn't speak to Tom. That he made me believe that Tom was the bad guy is upsetting, even though I was wrong in the first place for sending my pictures to him. Do two wrongs make a right? I'm so upset by what Jake did that I don't want him to touch me. In fact, I want a divorce. I don't know what to do. Please help me. -- LINDA IN TEXAS

DEAR LINDA: Your husband was willing to forgive and forget the fact that you were trying to start an affair by sending the photos to Tom. When you "discussed it and agreed never to talk about them again," he took for granted that you would end the "friendship." And you should have. Your actions weren't platonic and were a threat to your own marriage. When your husband realized that the flirtation was ongoing, he punished you in a cruel way.

Two wrongs do NOT make a right. And my advice to you and Jake is to sit down with a marriage counselor, figure out where your relationship went off track and decide, calmly, whether your marriage is worth saving.

DEAR ABBY: My son, "Jeremy," age 25, married his high school sweetheart a little more than a year ago. They live about 4 1/2 hours away.

When Jeremy was growing up, he and I were very close. Since his marriage I have tried not to call as often as I did when he was single. I do call, but now I limit it to once every few weeks, although he rarely answers his phone. I wanted to let him call at his convenience.

He has told me that e-mail is the best way to reach him. The problem is, he doesn't respond to my e-mails, doesn't answer my calls and rarely phones me to see how our family is doing.

I was recently ill and Jeremy didn't even call to see how I was. I'm hurt, and part of me wants to tell him so. I'm afraid if I do I'll alienate him, but I feel he's already alienated. What should I do?

This is really starting to bother me. My son doesn't call his younger brother either (his best man) like before. Should we just back off and leave Jeremy alone? -- IN A SPOT IN VIRGINIA

DEAR IN A SPOT: Your son's life has changed and he has new responsibilities since his marriage, but that's no excuse for him not to answer calls and e-mails from you -- especially if they are as few and far between as you have described. His behavior is extremely rude, and one can only hope it isn't because his bride has taken over and rules the roost. You deserve some answers, so by all means clear the air.