DEAR ABBY: On July 23, "Wondering" asked why President Obama is considered to be African-American and you responded that the term "African-American" is used in this country as a label that describes skin color. However, in the U.S. the term is generally applied to black Americans of slave ancestry.

Before the Civil War we were African-American slaves, not considered fully human by the U.S. Constitution. After the Civil War and the outlawing of slavery, former slaves gained citizenship through amendments to the Constitution but were not able to exercise the full rights of citizenship. Most former slaves wanted to just be "Americans" with all the rights and privileges associated with it -- but because of the color of their skin were discriminated against and given second-class citizenship.

The term "African-American" is the result of a search for identity by these new Americans, former slaves and their descendants. We were called by many names -- most of them negative, such as "Negro," "Colored," "African," the infamous "N-word," "Afro-American" and finally, "black." All of these at one time we considered negative because they didn't represent self-identification.

The black power movement occurred when Black Americans changed the negative term "black" to the positive term "Black." The musician James Brown coined the phrase, "Say It Loud, I'm Black and I'm Proud." Later other black folk began to adopt the term "African-American," which brings us to the present.

We are a nation that has roots in all nations of the world. Truly, "we ARE the world." We're all American, either by birth or naturalization. The labels tend to divide us into groups which separate us rather than bring us together. The saying "United We Stand, Divided We Fall" is true. Let us all come together and all be blessed. -- REV. ALTON E. PARIS, AMERICAN

DEAR REV. PARIS: Thank you for your letter, which is both inspiring and educational. Many readers had comments about my answer, and they were all over the map. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am a white female with many African-American friends, and yes, I did vote for Obama. When Obama became president, most of my black friends said: "Finally! We have a black man as president. All this racism will stop. The white man is no longer in charge of things."

To me, it was like it didn't matter that his mother was white, he was raised by his grandmother who was white, and he is half-white. What I'm trying to say is, he's a man of equal parts -- not all black. So why do African-Americans make it sound like he is of all black heritage? Isn't he of white heritage also? A lot of my white friends feel the same way I do. -- NANCY G. IN CLEVELAND

DEAR ABBY: Please inform "Wondering" that according to Webster's Dictionary, President Obama is mulatto, which is a person who is a first-generation offspring of a black person and a white person. -- WILLIAM B., CLAYTON, N.J.

DEAR ABBY: When living in America, I am called an African-American. If I move to Africa, would I be called an American-African? -- KENNETH F., SARALAND, ALA.

DEAR ABBY: Many biracial children are considered to be part of the ethnic group they resemble the most. While some may consider it disrespectful to say that someone is of one race when he or she is really biracial, this is the world we live in. We do, truly, "call 'em like we see 'em"! -- DEVYN B., FAYETTEVILLE, N.C.

READERS: I'll have more on this tomorrow.

DEAR ABBY: I need your help badly. I am 39 years old and live with my mother due to a physical disability. Mom becomes violent when she gets mad or upset. If she's having a bad day, I can expect her to be in my face (literally). She yells and screams, and if I refuse to yell back at her or try to ignore her -- the only way I know how to deal with the situation -- she gets even madder.

I have suggested counseling, but she insists that she is fine and that I'm the one who needs the help. What do I do? I can't keep on this way, and I am unable to go anywhere. -- CAN'T STAND THE VIOLENCE

DEAR CAN'T: Your mother is an emotional mess, but she is half-right. You DO need help. And the place you can get it is the National Adult Protective Services Association (NAPSA). It's an organization that has been around for 20 years -- and has members in all 50 states as well as Canada. Here's how to find them: Go to www.apsnetwork.org. Next, click on "Report Abuse," then click on your state.

Your mother needs help, too, and the people at Adult Protective Services can help her face that reality. Please write again and let me know how you're doing. I care.

DEAR ABBY: The day before my wedding, my fiance's aunt left me a gift. After the wedding I opened it and read the card that was enclosed. It was lingerie, which seemed like a well-intentioned gift.

The card, however, was a bit puzzling. Turns out the lingerie was her own, and slightly used. On the card she said it had been "only used a few times." It struck me as inappropriate to receive "used" (and wrong-sized) lingerie from a new aunt-in-law. However, I do believe she was well-intentioned.

Abby, her gift made me uncomfortable. Am I wrong in thinking it was inappropriate? Any thoughts on how to write a thank-you card for such a gift? -- FLUMMOXED IN THE USA

DEAR FLUMMOXED: This new relative may be a "character," or she may not have had the means to buy you a wedding gift and gave you the nicest thing she could come up with.

My advice is to be gracious. Do not tell her the lingerie is the wrong size or criticize it in any way. Simply say: "Thank you for welcoming me into the family. Your kindness and thoughtfulness are appreciated, and I look forward to getting to know you in the years to come."

DEAR ABBY: With the support of my friend "Lynn," I left "Stephanie," my wife of 17 years -- after she admitted to more than two dozen affairs over the course of our marriage. I am now in a relationship with Lynn and very happy.

My problem is my kids think I left Stephanie for Lynn because that is what their mother has told them. As much as I despise what my wife has done, I would never tell them the truth. I tell them Mommy and Daddy had their "differences," but they know there is more to the story. Please advise. -- ALMOST HAPPILY EVER AFTER IN UTAH

DEAR ALMOST: Mommy and Daddy did, indeed, have their differences. And there is also more to the story. If Lynn hadn't been there supporting you, would you still be tolerating Stephanie's serial infidelity? If the answer is yes, then in a sense, you did leave Stephanie for Lynn, which may have been healthier for all concerned. But since your children already know there is more to the story, tell them you'll tell them the rest of it when they are older if they still want to know. And when they're adults, if they do, follow through.

DEAR ABBY: I am sick of being afraid of everything in my life. I'm a 21-year-old college student who wakes up every morning wondering what will go wrong today or what I am going to screw up this time. I don't know how to get beyond the little misfortunes that occur on a daily basis, and I take every form of criticism to heart, even if it's a joke.

I get nervous before and during every activity I take part in. I also get nervous talking to close friends and relatives and have a hard time articulating what I mean to say because I'm afraid everyone is judging me.

Please tell me how to relax for once; I honestly do not know how. My stress level is over the top, and it exhausts me beyond belief. I know I have a problem, and counseling is not an option. -- MESSED UP IN OHIO

DEAR MESSED UP: Excuse me? Counseling is not only an "option," in your case it is important you seek it out. You are fortunate to be in college, because your next stop should be the student health center. Anxiety can feed on itself, and sometimes it takes medical and psychological intervention to quiet the adrenaline rush that's causing it. Once that's done, you can then address the cause of your depression and low self-esteem and start feeling better about yourself. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: I am 20 years old and during this past year I have been exposed to more drugs than I ever thought possible. I have tried many of them -- from prescription drugs, marijuana and cocaine to ecstasy.

I know my decisions were reckless. Abby, I'm writing this in the hope of reaching out to anyone who will listen. I was blessed that I didn't become addicted, and even luckier that I'm still alive.

There are those who are not as fortunate as I am. I have heard more stories about drug abuse, overdoses and drug-related deaths in my town than I can handle. I want to change this. I want to make a difference. But I need help. How can I get involved and make people in my community more aware that our town has a problem? -- REACHING OUT IN LAKE HAVASU CITY, ARIZ.

DEAR REACHING OUT: By writing this letter, you have already taken the first step in raising awareness. Now it's up to your local police and your board of education to take some action. Everyone knows that passing laws is not enough unless they are enforced. And one of the most effective weapons in eliminating drug abuse is education.

DEAR ABBY: Can you please tell me where is the proper placement of a name tag?

I own a small business and attend many networking events. Some people have told me the tag should be worn on the right side so you can see it when you shake hands. Others say it should be on the left, because people read from left to right. What is the proper etiquette? -- JEFF IN STUART, FLA.

DEAR JEFF: According to Emily Post, the tags are usually worn on the right side because that's where most people look when they first greet each other with a handshake. (Using this logic, some women should paste the tag just above the middle of their chests.)