DEAR ABBY: I am a male in my early 20s and lucky to have several good friends and acquaintances. I'm invited to gatherings and parties pretty regularly.

I have no problem relating to people I know well. But when I have to converse with people I don't know -- the "friends of friends" -- I feel uncomfortable.

It's not that I am particularly shy. It's that I stumble and become tongue-tied when I try to talk to someone I don't know very well. The conversation lags, and I think the other person ends up feeling as uneasy as I do.

In the scheme of things, I realize this is not like some of the other serious issues I see in your column, but I believe you have mentioned becoming better in social situations before. I don't want to come across as stuck up or unfriendly, and I'm afraid that's what might be happening. Can you help? -- DIALOGUE-DEFICIENT IN ST. PAUL

DEAR DIALOGUE-DEFICIENT: The phrase "seek and ye shall find" is one I heard years ago. It stuck in my memory because it can be applied to so many different things.

It applies in your situation because, believe it or not, when it comes to making conversation, being a good listener will do more for you than being a good talker.

If you want to make a hit with people, show an interest by asking them questions about themselves. People enjoy talking about themselves and what they're into. Give them a chance, and they'll think you're a great conversationalist.

Just remember to be tactful, discreet and not too personal. Example: Do not ask someone you've just met how much he or she paid for something, or whether the person always drinks as much as it appears he or she has that evening.

Be generous with compliments, but be sure they're sincere. Most people can spot a brown-noser within five minutes.

Stay informed about current events. The more you know about what's going on in the world, the better company you'll be. Read the news and editorials and -- of course -- Dear Abby.

These commonsense suggestions and more are contained in my booklet "How to Be Popular." It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus a check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

But before I finish with this subject, a word of warning: Don't be a know-it-all. People who come on like they're an authority on everything are about as welcome as a skunk at a garden party. They make those of us who are just average feel insecure and uncomfortable.

And when you talk to someone, look that person in the eye. If you're constantly looking over his or her shoulder, the person will think you're looking for other company. This happened to me when I was introduced to a man who was running for office, and needless to say, the man didn't get my vote.

DEAR ABBY: "J.J. in South Carolina" (July 12) is dating a man whom she suspects cannot read. My grandfather is illiterate, and he's the smartest man I know.

He and Grandma have successfully operated their own business for over 40 years. Papa can read and draw blueprints. He can also complete a mathematical equation before I can punch it into my calculator. He "invents" and builds all kinds of gadgets that make life easier for us.

Papa had only a second-grade education. As the oldest of 11 children, he worked in the fields to help support his family. My grandparents, married for 51 years, are the glue that holds our family together. Papa is intelligent, self-educated through years of hard work and life experience -- as well as kind and generous.

I hope J.J. will give John a chance. At this point in his life, being able to read shouldn't be an issue. If J.J. can open her heart and let him in, it may be the best decision she ever made in her life. -- PROUD GRANDDAUGHTER IN ALABAMA

DEAR PROUD GRANDDAUGHTER: Your grandfather is a fine example of someone who developed coping skills and succeeded despite his lack of formal education. You have every right to be proud. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have a master's degree and a teaching credential. My husband could neither read nor write. He was always the one to fix things or called upon to help out. He could assemble anything without reading the instructions because he was smart and capable. He had many friends and never had a negative word to say about anyone. He was a wonderful husband, a devoted father, and no one ever considered him "illiterate."

J.J. should rethink her priorities, or let this man go so he can meet someone who will appreciate him for who he is. -- R.B. IN ORANGE COUNTY, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: Illiteracy is a far larger problem in this country than most people realize. It keeps folks from enjoying life fully. Can you imagine not being able to read your child a bedtime story? What if you can't read street signs or write a check?

There are literacy councils in most communities that provide free, effective tutoring for adults who want to improve their reading and writing skills. Your local literacy council may be a solution if you want to raise the quality of life for someone you love. -- CHANGING THE WORLD ONE WORD AT A TIME

DEAR ABBY: The ability to read proficiently is not a sign of superior intelligence. I am impressed by the things my husband, daughter and many of my students CAN do. Reading may not be their strength, but they are gifted in many other ways. Reading can be beneficial, but knowing that someone loves them just the way they are is equally important. -- AN EDUCATOR IN MERIDEN, KAN.

DEAR ABBY: My mother met a man at a Parents Without Partners dance and fell in love. She has a Ph.D. in special education; he was an electrician. He was dyslexic, and no one knew how to teach him to read when he was young. He apprenticed under a master electrician to learn his trade.

Mom always thought she had to marry an intellectual equal, but after meeting my stepfather, she decided she'd rather be with someone sweet and kind who adored her. After they married, she found someone who specialized in teaching adults with dyslexia. One of my stepdad's proudest moments was the first time he didn't have to pretend he had left his reading glasses at home to order from a menu.

He and Mom were married for 15 years until his death. He had a kind heart, was devoted to Mom and they were very happy together. -- LOVED MY STEPDAD

DEAR ABBY: My toddler and I were rear-ended a few days ago. Thankfully, neither of us was hurt. The other driver's insurance is paying for the car repairs. They will also reimburse me for a new car seat if I buy one and submit the receipt.

My husband, the sole wage earner in our family, insists that we don't need to replace the car seat. Money is tight, but I think we could come up with it, and besides, we'd be reimbursed. He also thinks the accident was so minor that the seat should protect our child in another collision, and I'm "just a gullible consumer buying into marketing propaganda." (For the record, he's a loving husband and father, just tight with money.)

Should I replace the car seat knowing it will upset him, or should I continue feeling guilty about placing our child in a possibly compromised car seat? -- SAFETY-FIRST MOM IN TENNESSEE

DEAR SAFETY-FIRST MOM: Far be it from me to imply that insurance companies aren't the epitome of generosity, but when an insurance company offers reimbursement for a child safety device that has been through an accident, I think you should take the hint. As to your husband's fiscal conservatism, tell him that he won't be fronting the money because you are gullible. He'll be doing it to give you something worth more than money -- and that's peace of mind.

DEAR ABBY: I have been living with a very nice man for 28 years, and at one point we were married. He lives in my house and drives my car. I do the cooking, cleaning, laundry and household chores. He does small repairs around the house, keeps the irrigation system in good repair and contributes $600 a month for expenses.

He goes to visit his family and friends in the West every summer for two weeks or more. This year he told me he was not coming back because he's broke. I was upset to say the least. He did come back, and now at 75, I think I will end up supporting him for the rest of my life.

Abby, should I bite the bullet, say "It's only money" and support him, or should I kiss him goodbye and wish him well? -- UNDECIDED IN FLORIDA

DEAR UNDECIDED: Have you kept him in your house all these years because of his handyman skills and the $7,200 a year he gave you? If the answer is yes, then out he goes. However, if you cooked for him, cleaned for him, washed his dirty underwear and socks and slept with him because you LOVED him -- then I think the pain of separation would make your life misery and you should continue accepting him for who he is and let him stay.

DEAR ABBY: I recently had my teenage daughter vaccinated against HPV. Since then, my mother-in-law has been sending me e-mails regarding the "dangers" associated with these vaccines. The vaccination was recommended by my daughter's pediatrician and she handled it fine.

Regardless, it was a done deal -- so why try to horrify me and scare her granddaughter? Any ideas on how to handle this? -- TIRED OF MEDDLING MOTHER-IN-LAW

DEAR TIRED: Just this: Did you seek your mother-in-law's input when making the decision? No? Then don't take the bait and don't react, but do delete her e-mails.