DEAR ABBY: My neighbors and I are extremely concerned about my next-door neighbor of 38 years, "Anne." She was always somewhat of a narcissist, and her husband has always been an unsociable, passive-aggressive bore who thinks he's always right.

Since he retired, Anne has been drinking. She even asked one of our neighbors' sons if he had any marijuana. She seems to live in a fantasy world and tells stories that aren't true.

Anne never talks to anyone on the phone anymore and has become isolated from most of her former friends. When people ring her doorbell, she pretends she isn't home. She is always with her husband and only expresses his likes, opinions and thoughts. He apparently likes these changes in his wife, but the rest of us find them alarming.

When we ask Anne if anything is wrong, she says "everything is fine." Do you think there is anything we can do to help her? -- SAN CARLOS NEIGHBOR

DEAR NEIGHBOR: Does Anne have any children or siblings that you know of? If the answer is yes, contact them and let them know there have been significant changes in her behavior and that you and the other neighbors are worried about her.

However, if she doesn't, and because she insists that everything is fine, make sure she knows that you and her other friends care about her. Tell her you are concerned because you rarely have contact with her, but will be there for her as always if she needs you.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I live and work in a delightful resort town. Lately, we have noticed a trend among our friends and family who are traveling to our town. Instead of calling in advance, many of them call us on the day they hope to see us. In the last two weeks, it has happened three times.

These are people we like and would enjoy seeing, but we work full-time and we usually need a little more advance notice.

We know our friends make plans well in advance to book airline reservations, so we're baffled that they don't contact us while they are making their travel plans. What can we say when our friends call hoping to see us and then are disappointed when we already have plans? -- BEACH DWELLERS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BEACH DWELLERS: Tell them that you are disappointed, too, and the next time they plan to be in the area to please call sooner because you make your plans in advance and can't cancel the ones you already have.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend, "Ashley," and I have been dating exclusively for about two years. Last week, her boss asked her to be his friend's date so he and his girlfriend and the friend could attend a concert for which he had tickets.

I was upset about it, but Ashley said that because I couldn't afford tickets she was going to take the opportunity and go. In other words, she accepted the offer to be his friend's date in order to attend.

Am I right to be upset with my girlfriend for being her boss's friend's date? -- HURT IN INDIANA

DEAR HURT: Yes, because it appears that for the price of a concert ticket your relationship with Ashley is no longer "exclusive," and she went in spite of your feelings. It was also inappropriate for her boss to ask her to be someone's "date," especially if he knew she had a steady boyfriend.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 22-year-old male who has never been in a serious relationship. About six months ago, I went away to grad school and met a girl. We have become good friends. We talk a lot and I flirt, but I'm not sure if she's flirting back.

She laughs at my stupid jokes and touches me when we joke around, but I think she may regard me as just a friend. I enjoy having her as a friend, but I can't stop thinking about how I'd like to be more than just friends. Should I take the chance and tell her how I feel and risk our friendship -- or let things remain the way they are? -- WANTS MORE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR WANTS MORE: Take the chance and tell her. Faint heart never won fair lady. A clue that she might be mutually attracted to you is the fact that she touches you.

If she isn't attracted to you, you can still be friends -- but you'll be psychologically free to look elsewhere for romance. Please write back and tell me what happens -- I'm dying to know.

DEAR ABBY: I have just learned that my older sister, "Lindy" (who is currently living with our parents), has been married for two months. I'm the only one who knows. Lindy's husband moved out of state to take a temporary job.

I know if my parents knew, they'd be upset and would no longer allow her to live with them. Their position is if you're old enough to get married, you should be financially independent. As it stands, she is currently on their medical insurance, pays no rent and is attending school on their dollar.

She and her husband had planned to keep this a secret from everyone. I just found out, and it makes me sick. She's getting a free ride at my parents' expense.

I promised Lindy I'd keep her secret, but I think what she's doing is wrong and has the potential to hurt my parents financially and emotionally. I am tempted to tell them anyway. How do you think I should handle this? -- I'VE GOT A SECRET IN UTAH

DEAR GOT A SECRET: You should strongly encourage your sister to level with your parents for the reasons you stated. But do not betray her confidence because if you do, she will never confide in you again. It's not as though Lindy is on drugs, unmarried and pregnant or in a life-threatening situation. Your parents will find out eventually, and she'll face the music then.

DEAR ABBY: Whenever my brother sees a family member eat something unhealthy (salty chips, ice cream, etc.), he thinks it's OK to comment on what we're eating and what it will do to our bodies. I think it is rude.

We know that not everything we eat is perfectly healthy, but we know to eat these things in moderation. (None of us is overweight, by the way.)

My brother claims he makes these comments because he "cares about us," but I think it's rude to do it while we're eating. What do you think? -- CHRISTINA IN FAIRFIELD, OHIO

DEAR CHRISTINA: I agree. There is nothing so hard to swallow as unasked-for advice, particularly when you're eating. Your brother may mean well, or he may be a know-it-all, but his timing is off. Ignore him, and when he sees he doesn't get a rise out of you, he'll stop.

DEAR ABBY: I am concerned about my nephew. His whole life he has lovingly hugged and kissed on his mother. It was cute when he was a toddler, but now he's a teenager, and he continues to drape himself on her and hug and kiss her on the cheek -- at home and in public. She does not discourage it. I don't know if my brother-in-law has noticed it, or if he just chooses not to see.

I have mentioned this to my sister before, but she told me I'm too critical. We were in line at the store and I heard people behind us react with audible sighs when they saw the behavior. I am uncomfortable around them. Others have told me that the affection seems excessive.

How can I help? I'm afraid there's a problem brewing that needs to be addressed now. -- ALARMED IN APPLE VALLEY

DEAR ALARMED: From my perspective your nephew appears to be a sweet, affectionate young man who is close to his mother. There is an old French saying that translates, "Evil be he who thinks evil of it." In other words, you may be mistaking the dirt on your glasses for a relationship that is "off-color," so please reserve judgment.

DEAR ABBY: I lost my wife of 10 years after a long battle with cancer. I am 50 and have a 10-year-old son. If it wasn't for raising my son, I don't think I'd even want to live anymore, but the good Lord gave me this job, and I want to make sure I do it well.

It is very lonely at times without a woman around. When I do get out and meet women 40 to 50 years old and they hear I have a spoiled kid at home, they turn away. I know at my age I should be a grandpa. Is there any chance for me to find another lasting love to spend the rest of my life with? I never thought I would ever lose my wife; I thought we'd be together forever. -- BETWEEN LOST AND FOUND

DEAR BETWEEN: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your wife. Of course there's a chance for you to find love again. Right now you're feeling down because life has dealt you a difficult hand.

Plenty of women would find you attractive, and not be turned off by the fact that you are raising a son. I'm talking about single women with children of their own to raise. You can meet them at your nearest chapter of Parents Without Partners. To find one, call (800) 637-7974 or visit www.parentswithoutpartners.org.

DEAR ABBY: As a child care provider for a local program in my hometown, I am often treated differently because I am a male.

If women can do anything men can -- including the same job -- shouldn't the opposite be true? Do you think society will ever completely accept male teachers and child care workers? -- PAUL FROM PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PAUL: I hope so, because men are certainly capable of nurturing -- particularly those of the recent generation, who are far more involved in co-parenting than men were before the 1960s.

Male teachers and child care workers can give fatherless children something that female teachers cannot -- a male role model with whom they can identify.