DEAR ABBY: I'm a 22-year-old male who has never been in a serious relationship. About six months ago, I went away to grad school and met a girl. We have become good friends. We talk a lot and I flirt, but I'm not sure if she's flirting back.

She laughs at my stupid jokes and touches me when we joke around, but I think she may regard me as just a friend. I enjoy having her as a friend, but I can't stop thinking about how I'd like to be more than just friends. Should I take the chance and tell her how I feel and risk our friendship -- or let things remain the way they are? -- WANTS MORE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR WANTS MORE: Take the chance and tell her. Faint heart never won fair lady. A clue that she might be mutually attracted to you is the fact that she touches you.

If she isn't attracted to you, you can still be friends -- but you'll be psychologically free to look elsewhere for romance. Please write back and tell me what happens -- I'm dying to know.

DEAR ABBY: I have just learned that my older sister, "Lindy" (who is currently living with our parents), has been married for two months. I'm the only one who knows. Lindy's husband moved out of state to take a temporary job.

I know if my parents knew, they'd be upset and would no longer allow her to live with them. Their position is if you're old enough to get married, you should be financially independent. As it stands, she is currently on their medical insurance, pays no rent and is attending school on their dollar.

She and her husband had planned to keep this a secret from everyone. I just found out, and it makes me sick. She's getting a free ride at my parents' expense.

I promised Lindy I'd keep her secret, but I think what she's doing is wrong and has the potential to hurt my parents financially and emotionally. I am tempted to tell them anyway. How do you think I should handle this? -- I'VE GOT A SECRET IN UTAH

DEAR GOT A SECRET: You should strongly encourage your sister to level with your parents for the reasons you stated. But do not betray her confidence because if you do, she will never confide in you again. It's not as though Lindy is on drugs, unmarried and pregnant or in a life-threatening situation. Your parents will find out eventually, and she'll face the music then.

DEAR ABBY: Whenever my brother sees a family member eat something unhealthy (salty chips, ice cream, etc.), he thinks it's OK to comment on what we're eating and what it will do to our bodies. I think it is rude.

We know that not everything we eat is perfectly healthy, but we know to eat these things in moderation. (None of us is overweight, by the way.)

My brother claims he makes these comments because he "cares about us," but I think it's rude to do it while we're eating. What do you think? -- CHRISTINA IN FAIRFIELD, OHIO

DEAR CHRISTINA: I agree. There is nothing so hard to swallow as unasked-for advice, particularly when you're eating. Your brother may mean well, or he may be a know-it-all, but his timing is off. Ignore him, and when he sees he doesn't get a rise out of you, he'll stop.

DEAR ABBY: I am concerned about my nephew. His whole life he has lovingly hugged and kissed on his mother. It was cute when he was a toddler, but now he's a teenager, and he continues to drape himself on her and hug and kiss her on the cheek -- at home and in public. She does not discourage it. I don't know if my brother-in-law has noticed it, or if he just chooses not to see.

I have mentioned this to my sister before, but she told me I'm too critical. We were in line at the store and I heard people behind us react with audible sighs when they saw the behavior. I am uncomfortable around them. Others have told me that the affection seems excessive.

How can I help? I'm afraid there's a problem brewing that needs to be addressed now. -- ALARMED IN APPLE VALLEY

DEAR ALARMED: From my perspective your nephew appears to be a sweet, affectionate young man who is close to his mother. There is an old French saying that translates, "Evil be he who thinks evil of it." In other words, you may be mistaking the dirt on your glasses for a relationship that is "off-color," so please reserve judgment.

DEAR ABBY: I lost my wife of 10 years after a long battle with cancer. I am 50 and have a 10-year-old son. If it wasn't for raising my son, I don't think I'd even want to live anymore, but the good Lord gave me this job, and I want to make sure I do it well.

It is very lonely at times without a woman around. When I do get out and meet women 40 to 50 years old and they hear I have a spoiled kid at home, they turn away. I know at my age I should be a grandpa. Is there any chance for me to find another lasting love to spend the rest of my life with? I never thought I would ever lose my wife; I thought we'd be together forever. -- BETWEEN LOST AND FOUND

DEAR BETWEEN: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your wife. Of course there's a chance for you to find love again. Right now you're feeling down because life has dealt you a difficult hand.

Plenty of women would find you attractive, and not be turned off by the fact that you are raising a son. I'm talking about single women with children of their own to raise. You can meet them at your nearest chapter of Parents Without Partners. To find one, call (800) 637-7974 or visit www.parentswithoutpartners.org.

DEAR ABBY: As a child care provider for a local program in my hometown, I am often treated differently because I am a male.

If women can do anything men can -- including the same job -- shouldn't the opposite be true? Do you think society will ever completely accept male teachers and child care workers? -- PAUL FROM PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PAUL: I hope so, because men are certainly capable of nurturing -- particularly those of the recent generation, who are far more involved in co-parenting than men were before the 1960s.

Male teachers and child care workers can give fatherless children something that female teachers cannot -- a male role model with whom they can identify.

DEAR ABBY: I disagree with your advice to "Perplexed Mom in New York" (June 20), who is requiring her son to live at home his first semester of college because of "less than stellar" behavior during his senior year of high school.

I am a college administrator in charge of dismissals. It is not that difficult to get a dorm room mid-year because there are dismissals, transfers and students who change their minds about their living arrangements.

If "Mom" warned her son that his high school conduct would have an impact on her decision to allow him to live on campus, she should stick to it. She should not let him bully her into giving him something he doesn't deserve. He needs to understand that his behavior cost him his dorm space. She made the right call.

I recommend spelling out in writing exactly what he will need to do to move on campus. He should be allowed to move only if he complies 100 percent.

College is a gift to be earned. There is no legal obligation for parents to pay for their child to attend. And when there is trouble, parents must act quickly and not attempt to block consequences their kids need to experience. It's all part of the learning process. -- ANN IN NEWARK, DEL.

DEAR ANN: Thank you for lending your professional perspective. Responses to that letter poured in from educators, students and parents who "kindly" reminded me that times have changed since my college days. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The cost of housing and food service at college can often equal or exceed the cost of tuition. Students who have the advantage of living close to campus can save a significant amount of money by living at home. To fully experience university life and meet new friends, they can become involved with the many campus organizations that are sponsored.

Higher education is very expensive, and students need to understand the costs. Any method to cut down on the expense, including living at home, should be discussed by parents and children. In today's work force, a college education is extremely valuable -- and one can be obtained without breaking the bank. -- UNIVERSITY ADMINISTRATOR IN COLORADO

DEAR ABBY: My advice to that mother and her son is to call the school and ask if there is any space left in the dorms -- fast! The freshman year of college is a critical time in a person's life, one in which students are open to making new friends. Living on campus in a dorm makes it much easier and allows them to better integrate into campus life.

While there are many commuter students across the nation, they can suffer from loneliness and depression because of their detachment from the rest of the students on campus. I, too, went to a school within reasonable driving distance from home, and I know from experience how difficult it can be. -- TRACY IN WASHINGTON, D.C.

DEAR ABBY: How long has it been since you've lived in a college dorm? You advised that dorms provide supervision and structure. Abby, countless unstructured, unsupervised and uncondoned activities go on there.

"Perplexed" should stick to her guns. If her son's senior year was "less than stellar," his freshman year at college could be a disaster. Moving into the dorms midway through the school year won't end the world. I saw kids do it all the time. Things have changed, Abby. Wake up and smell the brewskis! -- SEEN IT ALL IN KENTUCKY

DEAR ABBY: That young man should pony up some of his own money if he wants to live on campus, because then he will be more likely to appreciate the investment. I had a job all through high school and college. Paying my own way made it that much more satisfying. -- MICHELE IN WISCONSIN

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