DEAR ABBY: I know you're not a beauty consultant, but I'm hoping you can help me. I'm a middle-aged woman with a small income and aging skin. What can a woman who cannot afford cosmetic procedures do about this inevitable problem? My medical insurance will not cover Botox or surgery.

A number of celebrities endorse "anti-aging" products on television. The over-the-counter ones I have tried have not helped. Any suggestions? -- FAITHFUL READER, UTICA, N.Y.

DEAR READER: I'll share some advice my mother -- who still has beautiful skin at 91 -- shared with me after she noticed the faces of her golfing and sun-worshipping friends were beginning to look like leather: Shun the sun. Dermatologists have also mentioned that nothing ages skin like exposure to sunlight -- unless it's smoking. So when you're outside, "preserve your assets" by always wearing sunscreen and a wide-brimmed hat, even if it's overcast.

Also, because a celebrity has her name on a product is no guarantee that it will work. The best beauty secret I know is a good dermatologist. So save your pennies until you have enough to consult one. Dermatologists offer products that are not sold in stores, and can help you select something that will work for you.

DEAR ABBY: At what age should a child be taught to write thank-you notes for gifts?

I had my children writing thank-you notes as soon as they could write. My sister-in-law still writes thank-you notes or e-mails for her 22-year-old son. Shouldn't he be doing that for himself at this point? -- QUESTIONING AUNTY IN CRANFORD, N.J.

DEAR QUESTIONING: Absolutely. Your nephew should have been taught the art of writing thank-you notes at the same age that your children were. Your sister-in-law has done her son no favors by allowing him to depend on her to do it for him because I'm sure you are not the only person to receive one from her and find it peculiar.

DEAR ABBY: My grandfather left me money from his life insurance policy, but left none to my sister. The money could help me get our family out of debt, purchase a house and pay for my son's education.

My sister has repeatedly made poor choices and expected others to clean up after her. Word got out that I received the inheritance, and I was told I should give her some. I know in the back of my mind that she'll do something stupid with it.

Grandpa left me the money -- not my sister. Why do I feel so guilty about deciding not to give my sister the money? -- MONEY BLUES IN MICHIGAN

DEAR MONEY BLUES: Close your eyes and clear your mind. Ask yourself that question and then speak the first words that pop into your head without censoring and you'll have your answer.

Who told you you should give your sister some of the money? Your sister? Your mother? Please remember that your grandfather left the money to you -- and only you -- for a reason. And it may have been that he had already cleaned up a mess or two for your sister in the past.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Laurie," is being married soon. Her fiance, "Peter," is a likable young man. He is, however, a sports fanatic who stays glued to the television whenever a game is playing. Laurie is aware of his passion, and because she loves Peter, she doesn't have a problem with it.

They have both now stated that if their team is in the playoffs or the World Series, they want TVs brought in for the guests at the wedding reception.

I am opposed to the idea. This will be a formal wedding and reception at an expensive hotel, and we are paying for it. I think Peter and Laurie should regard the day they take their vows as a once-in-a-lifetime event and forgo the game. Guests who feel compelled to check the score may do so in the bar or in their rooms. At the risk of being rude, I don't want to encourage the sports zeal by bringing in television sets.

Am I hopelessly out of touch and old-fashioned? Please help. This may escalate to a confrontation before the wedding. -- VOICE OF REASON

DEAR V.O.R.: You aren't out of touch or old-fashioned. You are simply not a sports fan. Although you have generously agreed to pay for the reception, I hope you will relent and provide a set to be placed to one side. Remember, it is Laurie and Peter's wedding, and their guests may feel as they do. Imagine your embarrassment if the bride and groom were also in the bar or in their room instead of enjoying their own reception.

P.S. If your daughter is not a committed sports fan, I hope she's a good sport, because every anniversary will be celebrated at a stadium or in front of a TV.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 22-year-old woman living in the Midwest. I was born here, but have also lived on both coasts. Having lived elsewhere, I have come to realize that the grass really IS greener on the other side.

I was forced to move back here at 17 because of a death in the family. Ever since, my life has been going down the drain. I'm depressed and unhappy. I have nothing here but bad memories.

The only thing keeping me here is my fiance. He loves living close to his friends and family, and he wants to stay. I can't talk him into moving. I am not willing to leave him and he feels the same. But I can't see myself being happy here or his being happy elsewhere. What should I do? -- UNSETTLED IN OHIO

DEAR UNSETTLED: If this is where you met the man you love, then surely not all the memories you have of that city are bad ones. Your unhappiness may stem from the fact that you have been spending too much time looking backward rather than living in the present and looking forward to the future.

Some sessions with a psychologist might help you unload the baggage from your past -- but if it doesn't, then my advice is that you take a break and revisit the coasts. If you do, you may decide that the grass is really greener in Ohio. And if not, you'll both be better off.

DEAR ABBY: While it is perfectly acceptable for a man to send flowers to his girlfriend's workplace, what is acceptable for a woman to send to her boyfriend's place of employment?

Please help, Abby! -- STUCK IN CHEYENNE

DEAR STUCK: Because your gift is arriving "in public" (so to speak), send nothing so intimate that you wouldn't want his boss to see. Cookies, fudge or a box of candy would, I am sure, be appreciated -- not only by your boyfriend but also his co-workers!

DEAR ABBY: My mother recently moved into a senior housing complex, which she loves. Now my mother-in-law, "Irene," has decided she wants to move there, too. The problem is, my mother does not want to live near Irene. Although Mom has always been nice to her, she has never liked her.

There are fewer than 50 apartments in the complex and only one dining area. Moving Mother elsewhere is out of the question because she signed a lease. Both Mom and Irene are in their 80s. I don't want to hurt my husband of 46 years or his mother. I feel like I'm ... IN A REAL PICKLE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR IN A PICKLE: Irene is eager to move into the complex because she has no doubt heard how much your mother loves living there and she probably doesn't know about any others. Your husband should encourage his mother to start looking around for an "even better" place. Surely after all these years, the fact that your mother isn't crazy about his won't devastate him. My advice is help Irene by scouting other locations right away.

P.S. She might be more open to the idea if your mother stopped bragging and started doing some complaining.

DEAR ABBY: Our nephew recently asked family members for money to help him go on a mission for his church. Apparently he is supposed to gather 50 sponsors to pay a "tax deductible" $50 to $100 per month for two years (via direct bill or credit card), according to the forms from his church.

We love our nephew and his parents, but we do not share their religious beliefs. And quite frankly, the request has upset more than a few members of the family because the amount requested is obviously not just to support the young man, but a way to support his church.

Help! How do we respond to such a "charitable" request? -- EMBARRASSED IN ARIZONA

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Respond by writing your nephew a sweet note wishing him well on his mission, and explaining that you do not feel comfortable donating. In no way are you obligated to fork over money -- via credit card or any other way -- and you should not feel embarrassed for declining to donate.

DEAR ABBY: My son, "Rick," is divorcing his wife of five years, "June." It is a painful process and sad not only for them, but also the extended family.

Over the last three years June has developed symptoms of paranoia to the extent that Rick can no longer go out with friends or office associates. She thinks he's having an affair -- which he is not. She checks his cell phone, reads his e-mails and has turned to alcohol for comfort.

I am relieved that June is now on medication for her symptoms, but the damage is done.

How should I respond to innocent inquiries as to how my son and his wife are doing? We have many friends who know them well. I'm hoping you can give me an appropriate response that will protect both of them until they're able to get their lives back on track. -- MOURNING IN IOWA

DEAR MOURNING: Allow me to suggest a couple: "Rick and June have decided to go their separate ways," or, "They're divorced." You are not obligated to give any more details than that, nor should you.