DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Embarrassed in Ohio" (May 28), who lives in an affluent suburb and is ashamed for her daughter's friends to see her house and cars, hit home with me. We also live in a community where we can't keep up. We're in an apartment, while most of my children's friends live in beautiful homes with big yards. My husband and I both grew up with more than what we're able to provide our children.

Abby, your response made some excellent points, but I don't think you fully understand what it's like to live this way. We're the underdogs in a snooty community. Re-evaluating priorities and working on self-esteem are important. But they do not negate how we feel when our kids ask, "Why don't we have a yard like everyone else?" Or when the PTA moms snub us because of where we live.

I am thankful for my life, my loving husband and my beautiful, healthy children. I left a career to be a stay-at-home mom. The house a person lives in shouldn't matter, but the unfortunate reality is that, in our society, it does. -- "GETS IT" IN THE 'BURBS

DEAR GETS IT: I appreciate your sincere comments. The response to "Embarrassed's" letter was varied, and many of the writers expressed different views from yours. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I grew up in a nice, middle-class neighborhood. My best friend, her three siblings and their single mom lived in a "dumpy" little house in a poor section of town. Abby, I LOVED going there and experiencing the feeling of family they gave me.

I had some of the best times of my life in that tiny house. There was always home-cooked food, warm conversation, and I was always welcome. As a young teen, I felt my opinions were valued there. Frankly, it was more of a home than my own house was. -- HALLY IN LONG BEACH

DEAR ABBY: We were the poor folks in the rich part of town. But do you know where all the neighbor kids wanted to play? At our house. My friends were jealous because I had parents who were there to talk to us and supervise. Our birthday parties didn't have clowns, ponies or caterers, but everyone loved our homemade cake, hot dogs, balloons and backyard games.

We had fun, and no one had to worry about what others thought. Sure, there were some snobs. But their kids wanted to be our friends. "Embarrassed" should relax, enjoy her family and stop worrying so much about appearances. Appearances can be deceiving. -- POORER, BUT RICHER

DEAR ABBY: My husband, children and I are fortunate to have a beautiful home and luxury cars. "Embarrassed" should know that many of us do not judge others by their material possessions, but rather for who they are inside. I encourage my kids to go to any of their friends' homes, as long as there is responsible adult supervision and similar values.

"Embarrassed": Show pride in what you have and keep things clean and tidy. If there's an issue with some of the other parents, then why associate with elitist snobs? -- MARIE IN OREGON

DEAR ABBY: I also began to feel discontented with my home and "things." Then I volunteered at a soup kitchen. It changed my attitude to one of gratitude. I suggest that "Embarrassed" donate some time to help those less fortunate. It'll do wonders for her perspective. -- LOVES LIFE IN COPAKE, N.Y.

DEAR ABBY: We raised five children on my husband's salary as a teacher and lived in an upscale community. One day, when my 8-year-old had a friend over, I began to wash the kitchen floor. The little girl stood there watching with interest and said, "Our maid does that!" I replied, "Honey, I AM the maid!" It never hurts to give someone a reality check. -- MARILYN IN GROSSE POINTE

DEAR ABBY: I live in a major metropolitan area, so I am not unfamiliar with the sight of people who are down and out and living on the streets.

Recently, while walking to work, I came face-to-face with an old acquaintance. We had dated briefly more than 10 years ago, but parted amicably. Abby, he had a shopping cart containing his belongings and was going through a trash bin and yelling at passers-by! I didn't know what to do.

I pretended I didn't see him and continued on my way. I am barely scraping by, but probably could have offered him a few dollars. He knows where I live and work, and to be honest, I was frightened by his appearance. Now I feel guilty for not offering support. What would you have done? -- GUILT-RIDDEN IN THE CITY

DEAR GUILT-RIDDEN: If I had been caught flat-footed (literally) as you were, I probably would have reacted the same way you did. But after having a short while to think about it, I would have realized that homeless individuals who yell at passers-by are usually mentally ill people who have gone off their meds. What your old friend needs far more than a handout is to get into a program that will help him get off the streets and medicated back to reality.

If you know any members of his family, contact them and tell them you have seen him. Many street people have lost touch with their loved ones, and their families do not know how to find them. If that's not possible, check your phone book for shelters or other programs that reach out to and provide help for mentally ill homeless people. You are lucky you live in a large city where resources are available.

DEAR ABBY: One of my relatives' driver's license was suspended, and she has little hope of getting it back. This person drives on a regular basis, as much if not more often than I do, usually with her children.

My problem is she offers rides to my children. I refuse her offers because I'm not comfortable with her driving them under these circumstances.

This has created tension because she doesn't view her driving as a problem. I have not explained the circumstances to my children because I don't think they'd understand the legal issues.

Could you please tell me what would happen to my children if they were with her and she was pulled over? -- UNDER PRESSURE OUT EAST

DEAR UNDER PRESSURE: According to my local police department, if your children are in the car when your relative is stopped, the police will try to contact you by phone. If they're unable to locate you or the children's father, your children would then be taken to the police department. If you are still unreachable, child protective services would be called.

It is your responsibility as a mother to ensure your children's safety -- and in this case that means you should NEVER allow them in a vehicle with a driver whose license has been suspended. As to their being too young to understand, if they don't understand the phrase "because you could be badly hurt," then "because I'm your mother and I SAID so!" will have to suffice.

DEAR ABBY: My mother lives on Social Security and has very little savings left since Dad died last year. I manage her affairs, and I'm trying to encourage her to save some of her money for emergencies.

The problem is my 38-year-old brother, "Jeff." He will not keep a job, and he's burning through the little bit of savings she has. It has reached the point that Mom is now hiding food in her own house so she'll have something to eat.

Jeff recently brought a woman to stay with him. Because he can't pay the rent and utility bills on his trailer, he now spends a lot of time at Mom's house. He has ruined the car he was given when Dad died and now drives Mom's car.

I want to put the deadbeat on the road, but Mom feels she needs to help him. Jeff has made three or four suicide attempts, but I think it's just to get pity and mooch some more. How can I get her to see that he's not trying to help himself and he's just using her? She knows my feelings but doesn't want me to say anything. -- WORRIED SON IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR WORRIED SON: Hiding food in order to eat? An adult son spending his mother's savings? Your brother may have emotional problems, but he may also be guilty of elder abuse.

I urge you to discuss this matter with a social worker or someone with a background in psychology who can help your mother recognize that she's not helping Jeff by enabling him. Not only that, she's risking her own health and welfare. The nearest senior center or area agency on aging, listed in your local telephone directory under Senior Services, can put you in touch with someone. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: Last February you printed a letter I wrote signed "Sports Dad Down South" about how to handle my out-of-control son, "Trent," who was a star athlete in school. In May, you featured an entire column of letters you had received in response to mine. I thank you for that.

Just as an update, my son was expelled from his high school for behavioral issues and three failed classes. The scholarship offers he had received from several Division I universities were withdrawn.

As one mom wrote to you about her experience, the coaches pushed my son on to the next game, where he performed up to all expectations. But they forgot entirely that these kids are called "student athletes" for a reason. They are students first, athletes second. As a result of that insanity, Trent lost any chance of having a career in baseball.

A word to the wise to other parents of rising young stars: Be careful. Watch for the warning signs that you are losing control to the sports mania. I didn't recognize them and respond in time. There is no going back. Abby, if my voice can prevent another family from falling into this high school madness, I will feel I did the right thing by writing. -- SPORTS DAD SPEAKS AGAIN

DEAR SPORTS DAD: I'm glad you wrote, and so -- I am sure -- will be the parents of high school athletes everywhere. Your son has learned a bitter life lesson. But better that he learned it early than if he had been similarly pushed through college with no skills to show for it.

What happened to your son doesn't have to be a tragedy. There is still time for Trent to get his GED, to mature emotionally and decide on a direction for his future. He will find more than one road to success once he decides which path to take.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)