DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old woman who has been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend, "Ian," for three years. I attend a university out of the country, so our relationship is mostly long-distance. We are in love and have discussed a future after I graduate. Ian says I'm the reason he has goals and wants to live a meaningful life.

Every now and then he says he's afraid that he is holding me back -- that because I'm so committed to him I am missing out on some of the most important experiences I could have at the university. I have told Ian I'm happy with what we have and wouldn't trade it. If I wasn't with him, I would probably see other men, but more sexual freedom wouldn't make me happier. All my single friends say they would rather have what I have.

Our relationship means far more to me than the odd fling would. Ian says he has no desire to be with other women, but he's afraid I don't know what I want because I haven't had experience with other men. How can I convince him that this is what I really want? -- DECISIVE IN SCOTLAND

DEAR DECISIVE: Tell your boyfriend that while some women may enjoy quantity, you have an eye for quality, and he is the grand prize you have waited for all your life. Then tell him you're a one-man woman, and he's stuck with you. (This should do the trick, unless he's projecting his own feelings of ambivalence onto you.)

DEAR ABBY: In May 2001, you printed my letter alerting former prisoners of war and their widows to the special veterans' benefits available to them from the Department of Veterans Affairs. The response was great; many former POWs and their dependents now have their VA benefits because of that column.

Now, as chairman of VA outreach for American Ex-Prisoners of War, I write to alert all veterans (not just former POWs) of a recent VA ruling.

On Sept. 23, 2008, Lou Gehrig's disease, amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, was made a presumptive condition for all veterans who served in our armed forces for at least 90 days.

This means that the widows of those veterans who died of Lou Gehrig's disease in years past are eligible for the VA widows' monthly benefit, which is very substantial. Many people are not aware that a veteran's death due to this disease is now considered service-connected. One claim I handled recently involved an ALS death 46 years ago, in 1963.

Thank you for your help in getting the word out, Abby. -- FRED CAMPBELL, AMERICAN EX-PRISONERS OF WAR

DEAR FRED: I'm pleased to help you and America's veterans once again. Readers, Fred welcomes inquiries at 3312 Chatterton Drive, San Angelo, TX 76904. He can also be e-mailed at fredrev@webtv.net.

DEAR ABBY: I am 8 years old. My mom told me our neighbor's dog was old and sick, so he had to put his dog to sleep. I hate this. I know it is what is best for the dog, but I can't stop thinking about it. How can I get over this? -- HENRY IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR HENRY: Your neighbor's dog was put on this earth to run and play and enjoy his doggie life. When an animal is no longer able to do that and spends his days and nights in pain, then the kind -- but very difficult -- thing for a pet guardian to do is to let him go. Being put to sleep was a gentle way to go, and when you think about your neighbor's dog, you should remind yourself of that.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have recently started seeing a wonderful man who is divorced. It doesn't bother me. I know we all make mistakes. My friends are telling me I need to find out why his marriage ended, because it might signal potential problems to watch out for. I understand their logic.

The problem is, I don't want to appear nosy and, of course, I would be hearing only one side of the story. So should I ask him or not -- and if so, when and how? -- INQUIRING MINDS NEED TO KNOW

DEAR INQUIRING: I see no harm in asking now. The perfect time to have done it was when he told you he was divorced. You don't have to be heavy-handed about it. Treat him to -- or cook him -- a nice dinner and afterward say, "So tell me how come a gorgeous, intelligent man like you is divorced. Your ex must have been out of her mind to let you go." Then shut up and listen.

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter's landlady -- I'll call her Martha -- has become very close to our family. Martha and her husband are included in most of our family's social events.

My problem is Martha is allergic to garlic and cannot eat anything cooked with it.

Abby, we are Italian. We grew up eating garlic and cook just about everything with it. My husband and I are locking horns over the fact that I feel it's an imposition to be expected to accommodate one person by omitting a key ingredient in a dish. When you're cooking for a lot of people who are accustomed to the way certain foods are prepared, I feel it is inconsiderate for someone to expect me to leave an ingredient out. What do you think? -- MAMA "MIA" IN N.Y.

DEAR MAMA "MIA": I think you should prepare a garlic-free extra dish for Martha -- something not too difficult to make, like a salad -- or invite Martha over less often.

DEAR ABBY: How does a person find direction? Career counselors have told me that I need "direction," but they never tell me how to go about getting it.

I'm in my late 20s with two degrees and no specific job skills. I have had a few crummy jobs. I'm not afraid of hard work, but I don't know what sort of job I should be seeking.

I spent 10 years trying the touchy-feely "just follow your dreams" approach. Well, my dreams are to be financially independent and have a meaningful personal and intellectual life!

Is there another approach? How do I find a job that fits me? Perfect would be great, but at this point, I'm just shooting for good enough. -- UNDIRECTED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR UNDIRECTED: The career counselors you consulted should have given you enough direction that it stimulated your thinking about ways to apply the knowledge you have worked so hard to earn. With their help you should have been able to identify some area of the profession you prepared for that would enable you to be financially independent. Because that didn't happen, I recommend you look further for career counseling because it appears the ones you consulted did a poor job.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing this in response to the letter from "Trying to Make a Difference in Ohio" (April 21). She is the 12-year-old girl who wants to help other students be more accepting of kids with special needs.

My name is Anthony Kennedy Shriver, and I am the founder of Best Buddies International, a nonprofit dedicated to enhancing the lives of people with intellectual disabilities by providing opportunities for one-to-one friendships and integrated employment.

I believe that friendship is the key to building the self-esteem essential to a happy and productive life, and that is why I started Best Buddies. In just two decades, Best Buddies has grown from one chapter to more than 1,400 chapters in 42 countries. Our six programs -- Best Buddies Middle Schools, High Schools, Colleges, Citizens, e-Buddies and Jobs -- positively impact more than 400,000 individuals with and without intellectual disabilities annually.

At Best Buddies, we envision a world where people with intellectual disabilities are recognized for their ABILITIES, embraced by society and valued in the workplace. Until that vision becomes a reality, we will continue to educate middle school, high school and college students; community members; corporations and employers about the emotional, functional and natural needs and abilities of people with intellectual disabilities.

I would like to add one more piece of advice to yours. I'd advise "Trying to Make a Difference" to visit bestbuddies.org to find out how to get involved with Best Buddies and urge her friends to do the same. And when school starts again, if her school does not have a chapter, I would encourage them to start one. In friendship ... ANTHONY KENNEDY SHRIVER, FOUNDER AND CHAIRMAN, BEST BUDDIES INTERNATIONAL

DEAR ANTHONY: Thank you for the suggestion. After the letter from "Trying to Make a Difference" was published, I heard from readers telling me what an important difference your program makes in the lives of children with special needs. I also heard from their parents, describing what a huge difference just one child can make if he or she reaches out a hand in friendship. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My son is autistic and was teased badly by his classmates. I worked with the school to address the issue. The school talked to some wonderful older students about mentoring my son. They became his buddies, keeping an eye on him and teaching him how to more appropriately interact with other kids.

The truth is, there are far more nice kids than mean ones in this world, and finding students eager to help wasn't hard at all. The day those kids walked up to my son and asked him if he wanted to play catch was the happiest day in his life. He beamed from ear to ear, and he hasn't stopped since.

Any young person can absolutely change the life of a child with special needs just by being a friend. -- DIAN IN OAK PARK, ILL.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a speech language clinician who has worked for more than 25 years in the public schools. I have found that presenting information to students about what it means to have a disabling condition is essential. Once children talk about actions they see that are not "normal," they learn to understand how "normal" these actions are to some children.

In our school, once the students become aware, they will seek out special needs children and include them in games and at lunch. We have implemented Recess Buddies, Lunch Buddies and social-skill whole-class lessons, which have met with success. -- VALERIE IN VERNON, CONN.