DEAR ABBY: My 17-year-old son, "Seth," is set to go off to college. He is going to a state university about 20 minutes from our home.

When filling out the paperwork for school, I did not sign him up to live on campus. His behavior during his senior year was less than stellar. I felt he needed to prove himself a little before I spent the money for him to live on campus. He's furious with me, and I admit I am second-guessing my decision as I talk to other parents whose kids are all living on campus.

I want my son to be independent. I told him if he did well the first semester he could live there the second semester. Did I do the right thing? -- PERPLEXED MOM IN NEW YORK

DEAR MOM: I know you want your son to be independent, but for him to become independent means he needs to accept responsibility for himself -- and that includes filling out his own paperwork for school. Dormitory living would have provided an atmosphere with some supervision and structure, but dorm rooms are usually assigned at the beginning of the school year -- not the middle.

I know you meant well, but I would have done things differently and told my son that if he did poorly in his first semester, he would be living at home during the second one.

DEAR ABBY: We desperately need your help on how to say "no thanks," without hurting our friends' feelings. A lovely couple at church regularly invite us to their home for dinner. "Judy" is an avid reader and enjoys clipping recipes from newspapers and magazines.

When we arrive, the conversation usually starts with, "I got a new recipe." We have been served half-cooked bean soup that felt like we were chewing on little pebbles from the river, casseroles with cheese topping so hard it could be used as roadway asphalt, and cakes as heavy as lead. Thank God for lemonade to wash down the taste.

We feel like their guinea pigs. We like their company, but we're afraid our medical bill could be higher this year if we venture into the wrong meal. These people are great friends and fun to be around. How do we say no without hurting their feelings? -- QUEASY IN KENTUCKY

DEAR QUEASY: The next time Judy invites you to dinner, accept on the condition that YOU bring the main course. And when you do, be sure to bring the recipe with you. Then, during dinner or after, explain to Judy exactly how it was prepared. You'll be doing not only your hostess, but also yourselves, a big favor.

DEAR ABBY: My father was recently widowed at the age of 77. I know he's lonely because he has never lived by himself, but I'm concerned about his social behavior. He makes sexual remarks around women of all ages -- from 21 to 101. If he sees that I'm shocked or embarrassed, he says he likes a good laugh and "this is nothing they haven't heard before."

I have tried telling Dad that his comments are offensive and degrading. I love him and want him to be happy, but I'm afraid he's making a fool of himself and will end up with a poor reputation in our small retirement town.

Am I wrong? How can I help him see the error of his ways? -- DISCONCERTED DAUGHTER

DEAR DAUGHTER: You are not wrong. But you have already told your father that his remarks are offensive. He can see the effect that they have on you. Unless he is becoming demented, which you should be able to determine if there have been other changes in his behavior, he may be one of those hard-headed people who have to learn things the hard way.

DEAR ABBY: I met "Paul" through an ad I placed on an Internet dating service. We have been out in person and have also been cyber-dating for nearly a year. Paul used to live close by, but he got an offer on his place, so he sold it and moved to his second home in another state. He invited me to come along, but because I had college-aged children still residing with me, I didn't move.

My kids have now moved into places of their own, and Paul has asked that we buy our own house in the state where my kids live. I agreed. The problem is my extended family. Except for my sister, everyone thinks I'm being taken advantage of. Paul has more money than I will ever have in my life. I trust and love him. My children approve of our relationship.

Does it matter that most of our relationship thus far has been spent on the Internet? We talk on the phone, chat online and probably spend more time together than couples living together do. How do I politely tell my family to back off? If I get hurt, I get hurt -- but it's a chance I'm willing to take. -- HAPPY AND HOPING IN MICHIGAN

DEAR HAPPY AND HOPING: I have a suggestion. While in some areas the real estate market is beginning to recover, it should become even better as the economy improves -- so why don't you and Paul rent out your houses for now, and rent an apartment for a year in the area in which you are considering buying? That way, you won't be rushing into a purchase in an area you're not familiar with, and you and Paul can decide if you're as compatible in person as you are on the phone and Internet. Please understand I am not implying that there is anything wrong with Paul, only that you should not rush into making a hefty financial investment while in the heat of passion.

DEAR ABBY: My husband was laid off in 2008 and has searched everywhere, even out of state, for a job and found nothing. I feel bad for him because he is home 24/7. I try to get him out of the house to no avail, and when I ask him to tell me how he really feels, he says he's fine and that he will be OK.

I want him to express the way he feels because he is keeping all of his pain and stress to himself. How can I help him? -- WORRIED WIFE IN ENGLEWOOD, N.J.

DEAR WORRIED WIFE: Men and women do not always express their innermost feelings in the same way, so please stop trying to pry the pain and stress out of your husband or you may add to it.

What concerns me more than your husband's unwillingness to "dump" is the fact that he is staying in the house 24/7. Cocooning is no way to find another job. However, volunteering some of the time he has on his hands could be. And that's what you should insist he do.

DEAR ABBY: I have cancer and my family and friends are hosting a fund-raiser with dinner and a silent auction. My question is, what do I do with the things that are not purchased? Should I return them to the donors or what? Thank you. -- J.C. IN ILLINOIS

DEAR J.C.: Offer to return the items to the donors, and if they refuse, donate them to the American Cancer Society at one of its thrift stores.

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DEAR ABBY: Please tell "Privacy Please in Santa Clara, Calif." (March 16), that she does not have to pump her breast milk in the bathroom! Depending on the laws in her state, she may be entitled to request that her employer create a dedicated pumping location for new moms.

Pumping in the restroom could endanger her baby's health. That new mom needs a clean, private space to pump and should ask her boss for help in establishing a special room.

Kudos to "Privacy Please" for doing the very best thing for her baby. Hopefully her employer will realize what a valuable, dedicated individual she is and accommodate her needs so she can continue her high-quality work performance while also taking care of her little one. -- NURSING MOM IN TEXAS

DEAR NURSING MOM: Thank you for raising the issue about the laws pertaining to new nursing moms. Several states have expanded their breast-feeding laws to include provisions that protect a mother's right to express milk in the workplace. California requires employers to provide break time for employees to do this and to make reasonable efforts to provide a location other than a toilet stall, with a penalty for non-compliance. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I, too, was the first new mom in my office who faced the challenges of pumping in order to continue providing my baby with breast milk. It makes me cringe to think that "Privacy" has to resort to using an unsanitary bathroom stall for this task.

There is legislation in her state that requires her employer to supply her with a room other than a toilet stall for privacy. The La Leche League Web site at � HYPERLINK "http://www.lalecheleague.org" ��www.lalecheleague.org� is an excellent resource for breast-feeding moms and provides links to this legislation as well as laws in other states. -- ALICIA IN DULUTH, MINN.

DEAR ABBY: The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services' Health Resources and Services Administration (HRSA) has put together a tool kit to help employers understand and take the necessary steps to support breast-feeding employees. Recent studies show that there are many advantages, including lower absenteeism rates and improved productivity. An information booklet titled, "Easy Steps to Supporting Breastfeeding Employees" can be accessed online at � HYPERLINK "http://www.ask.hrsa.gov" ��www.ask.hrsa.gov�. -- HELEN IN CHICAGO

DEAR ABBY: My employer suggested that I pump in the women's restroom. I replied that I would be happy to do that if the CEO would like to prepare his lunch there as well. It's ridiculous for a nursing mom to go through the process of sterilizing every part of the pumping apparatus and then have to finish the process in a public bathroom. I hope her company will change its policy because it has been proven that breast-fed babies are healthier -- and as a result, parents are less likely to miss work to stay home caring for sick children. -- CONTENT MOM IN VIRGINIA

DEAR ABBY: I am proud that I am still able to provide my baby with breast milk after nine months while working full-time. I posted a sign on my office door that reads: "Food prep! Door will be unlocked at (insert time)." It gives my co-workers a chuckle. -- STILL NURSING IN NASHUA, N.H.

DEAR ABBY: My wife hangs a sign in her office that reads: "I make milk. What's your superpower?" -- MARRIED TO A SUPERMOM