DEAR ABBY: Lately when I'm upset about something, I have been snapping my wrists with rubber bands. It seemed harmless at first, better than cutting, right? But I have noticed that now I have red lines that never go away and the welts take longer to disappear, and I'm constantly having to cover them up.

I'm 15 and I'm worried that I can't stop doing it. I'm not even sure why I do it, but I'm actually more scared to stop than I am to continue. I'm embarrassed and ashamed, and I don't want to hurt my family. I know they'd be upset if they found out. I don't want to ask for help, but also, I don't want to stop. Please help me. -- MESSED UP IN MINNESOTA

DEAR MESSED UP: The first step in resolving a problem is recognizing you have one and that you need help. You have done that. I have heard from other young people that they're embarrassed, ashamed or scared to tell their parents they have a problem because they're afraid their parents will become upset or angry. This is wrong. Parents may react -- but only out of concern.

Snapping a rubber band is a technique some people use to stop a bad habit -- like smoking. You, however, appear to be using it as a way of not dealing with your emotions. The marks on your wrists may be caused because the rubber bands are so tight they are cutting off your circulation.

There is a reason you are trying to distract yourself with pain, and it's important that you find out what it is so your behavior doesn't escalate. A licensed mental health professional can help you quickly get to the root of your problem, and telling your parents what's going on is the fastest way to get that help. Please don't put it off any longer.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a small public library. We love helping our patrons and receiving donations of books. However, there are a few things we'd like folks to keep in mind:

1. If the sign says "Closed," we are closed. The door may be unlocked to allow staff easy entrance, but we are not open for business.

2. We are not baby sitters. We are glad to see you and your children, and to get you started on research, but you must watch your kids and keep them under control.

3. We can accept books that are in good condition only. If the volume has been rotting in your basement or has been extensively written in, please throw it out. We cannot place defaced literature in our collection.

4. Any book checked out on your card is your responsibility. If you let your kids use your card and they return a book late, understand that you are the person liable for the fine.

5. Please leave your cell phone in the car or turn it off while using the library. Ringing phones and personal conversations are disruptive and distract the other patrons.

Thank you for helping us get the word out. -- LIBRARY LADY, ANYTOWN, U.S.A.

DEAR LIBRARY LADY: You're welcome. However, on the chance that your patrons miss reading today's column, your business hours should be clearly posted at the entrance of your building. And the rest of your rules should be printed in large block letters and hung behind the information and checkout desks where no one can miss them.

DEAR ABBY: I have just found out that my younger brother has been placed in foster care because he was abused in my mother's home. My family and I have been discussing who will take care of him, and everyone is saying it should be me because I am the only one of my siblings who has a job and my own apartment. I love my little brother with all my heart, but I don't feel all the responsibility should be placed on my shoulders.

I live in a two-bedroom apartment with my two children. My son is disabled. Yes, I do have a job, but I earn a low hourly wage and I'm on a tight budget. I am also concerned that my brother will need counseling to help him get over what he has been through.

When I explain my concerns to my family, they get angry and say I'm being selfish, and to be honest, I am feeling very guilty. Please help me because I have no idea what to do. -- CRYING AT NIGHT IN MILWAUKEE

DEAR CRYING: Dry those tears and do not allow yourself to be manipulated into something you can't handle. As a single mother, you already have your hands full caring for two children -- one of whom has special needs.

Your family is wrong to expect you to shoulder this additional challenge alone. Because none of them is offering to help you, and your brother was abused in the care of the family, accept that he may be better off in a supportive foster-care environment.

DEAR ABBY: When my husband and I moved into our new home, one of the neighbor kids, "Rachael" (age 9), took a liking to me. She came over with her mom, introduced herself and asked for my phone number. I thought nothing of it. But as time has passed, she has been calling more and more to invite me over. Abby, I'm almost 30!

It has reached the point where we no longer answer our phone. Rachael also shows up at our door with her friends and wants to "hang out." Sometimes she just stands there and doesn't say anything. It's awkward because I have never been wild about kids.

The girl is also constantly in our yard, playing with our dog (even though she has pets of her own), using our outdoor furniture, etc. I thought her mom would discourage it -- but one day she actually left Rachael with me when she went out on a Saturday night.

Rachael has a response to all my excuses about why I can't see her. When I get home from work, she and several other young kids are playing in my driveway as I pull in. I have told her no one is allowed in our yard without our permission.

We are a young, happy couple with a lot of work to do on our house. We have a large yard to maintain and, frankly, I don't want to be the neighborhood baby sitter. How can I get this point across? -- STUCK IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR STUCK: You are addressing your comments to the wrong person. You should take this up with Rachael's mother. You do not have to make "excuses." There are valid reasons Rachael and her friends should not be on your property unless they are supervised. If she or one of the others should somehow injure themselves, you could be held legally responsible. If there are no restrictions on fences in your neighborhood, consider fencing your yard.

DEAR ABBY: When my husband and I moved into our new home, one of the neighbor kids, "Rachael" (age 9), took a liking to me. She came over with her mom, introduced herself and asked for my phone number. I thought nothing of it. But as time has passed, she has been calling more and more to invite me over. Abby, I'm almost 30!

It has reached the point where we no longer answer our phone. Rachael also shows up at our door with her friends and wants to "hang out." Sometimes she just stands there and doesn't say anything. It's awkward because I have never been wild about kids.

The girl is also constantly in our yard, playing with our dog (even though she has pets of her own), using our outdoor furniture, etc. I thought her mom would discourage it -- but one day she actually left Rachael with me when she went out on a Saturday night.

Rachael has a response to all my excuses about why I can't see her. When I get home from work, she and several other young kids are playing in my driveway as I pull in. I have told her no one is allowed in our yard without our permission.

We are a young, happy couple with a lot of work to do on our house. We have a large yard to maintain and, frankly, I don't want to be the neighborhood baby sitter. How can I get this point across? -- STUCK IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR STUCK: You are addressing your comments to the wrong person. You should take this up with Rachael's mother. You do not have to make "excuses." There are valid reasons Rachael and her friends should not be on your property unless they are supervised. If she or one of the others should somehow injure themselves, you could be held legally responsible. If there are no restrictions on fences in your neighborhood, consider fencing your yard.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old woman who is deeply smitten with a close friend I'll call "Andy." He often tells me about other women he's interested in. As his friend, I am more than happy to listen to his troubles and offer advice. At the same time, it's not always easy to hear about these women because of my feelings for him.

Do you think that once someone is in the "friend zone" it's possible to move beyond that? Or am I doomed to a lifetime of being "the friend"? -- WANTING MORE IN NEW YORK

DEAR WANTING MORE: You are not "doomed to a lifetime of being the friend" unless you aid and abet the "perp." Your problem is you are making yourself too available. It's time to start developing other interests and other relationships. What Andy needs is a chance to miss you. And if that doesn't happen, you will have already moved on.

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter is 33 and living in another state. We haven't seen her in three years. Her life has been going steadily downhill since high school, her periods of employment are becoming shorter and less frequent. She calls more often than before because she needs money.

We have urged her to get therapy (we have no idea what her problems are) and have offered to pay for it.

My wife and I know we can't influence our daughter to change her life, but we agonize when we think about her wasted life. We have mourned loved ones who have died and have been able to move on, but every morning I think about my daughter, and my heart breaks a little more each time. Is there help for parents like us who need to let go? -- ANGUISHED DAD IN VIRGINIA

DEAR DAD: My heart goes out to you. Yes, there is help, and it is the same kind of help you offered to your daughter. As much as you love her, until she is ready to accept that she needs professional help to get back on track there is nothing you or anyone can do.

Alcoholics Anonymous meetings close with something called the Serenity Prayer. It applies to many people in many situations, and it may bring some comfort to you. It reads: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Rick," and I own a small business with a partner, "Mike," who is in his late 40s and a confirmed bachelor. He constantly invites my husband out to dinner, ball games, drinks, etc. without ever including me. Rick always declines.

I think this is rude. Am I being overly sensitive? Do you think he's trying to show my husband what he's missing? -- IGNORED IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR IGNORED: I don't think you're being overly sensitive. Because this is happening repeatedly, the implications are insulting. If Mike had any degree of social sensitivity he would realize -- after many turn-downs -- that your husband prefers socializing with you to boys' nights out.

As to Mike possibly trying to show your husband what he's missing, I don't know. What IS he missing?