DEAR ABBY: I am a gay man who has been with my partner for 31 years. I have a female friend, "Josie," whom I have known for years. She holds an executive position in the local bank and must attend many fund-raisers. I have been her escort to many of them. Josie knows and likes my partner, and he has never had a problem with my going to these social events with her.

Recently Josie became engaged, and she is now married. I was invited to the wedding, but my partner was not included on the invitation. I chose not to attend because of it. I have not heard from her since. It has been almost four months.

Josie's husband is a retired military man. I suspect she would rather not let him know about having a gay male couple as friends. Should I confront her or just end the friendship? -- DON'T ASK OR TELL IN ALBUQUERQUE

DEAR D.A.O.T.: Have a chat with Josie, lay your cards on the table, and let her do the same. If it's true that she's hiding her "past" and her husband is a narrow-minded homophobe, then you're certainly within your rights to move on. But give her a chance to explain.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 75-year-old man, and the past two years have been amazing. I met a woman with whom I had graduated from high school. She was also widowed after having been married 50 years. I knew her family back then, but we were just friends.

We are both is good health and enjoy being companions, going to movies, dancing, concerts, etc. I never in my wildest dreams imagined that we would be anything but pals -- but fate has a way of changing things. We have fallen in love.

After the life experiences of working, raising a family, losing a spouse and being alone a few years, love this time around is so much different. She loved her husband and I loved my wife, but at this stage of life we have come to appreciate even more deeply the magic of love.

We feel privileged to have this gift. We are young once again. Even our children say we're like two teenagers. Someone once wrote, "Love is a many splendored thing." Those words are true indeed. -- CHARLES IN MICHIGAN

DEAR CHARLES: Some people believe that Cupid's arrow can strike only the young, but your letter shows mature love can be like fine wine in that its fullness and depth improve with age. Congratulations to both of you. I hope you enjoy many more years of happiness together.

DEAR ABBY: What do you answer when someone says, "You look tired"? I seem to get this a lot lately, and I know it's because I'm looking older. People may be showing concern, but don't you think it's a little bit of a downer? -- OLDER, NOT TIRED

DEAR NOT TIRED: Not only is it a downer, it's also rude. When someone makes that comment, simply reply, "But I'm not tired. I sleep very well, thank you." Then watch the person try to remove foot from mouth.

DEAR ABBY: Tomorrow is Memorial Day. Please invite your millions of readers to observe the National Moment of Remembrance by pausing wherever they are at 3 p.m. in honor of our fallen.

Memorial Day (first called Decoration Day) began in 1868 to remember those killed in the Civil War. Since World War I, Memorial Day has been a time to honor all those who have died in service to our nation, from the Revolutionary War to the present.

To unite the country in remembrance, Congress officially established the National Moment of Remembrance in 2000. This act of unity is a time of reflection and commitment to honor America's fallen. More than a million men and women have died for our freedom. Their sacrifices for us live on in each constitutional right we enjoy.

On Memorial Day, Major League Baseball games will stop, Amtrak trains will blow their whistles, and 6,200 Buglers Across America will play "Taps," while citizens everywhere pause to honor those who sacrificed for our freedoms.

The National Moment of Remembrance is a small down payment in our debt to remember these precious souls. -- CARMELLA LA SPADA, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, WHITE HOUSE COMMISSION ON REMEMBRANCE

DEAR CARMELLA: I hope my readers will take your letter to heart. Each of the men and women who laid down their lives for this country was someone loved and cherished by family and friends. They are deeply missed. We are all diminished by their deaths, as indeed, we are enriched by the example of their courage and dedication.

DEAR ABBY: When I was growing up in the late '60s and '70s, I heard very little profanity used. Today it seems like it is accepted. My husband often uses it, even though he knows I hate it.

When he's mad at me, the filth is directed my way. That may be why profanity upsets me so much. Sometimes it makes me literally sick to my stomach.

Also, the most recent book by my favorite author includes many instances of the "F-word," which she has never done before. I'm tempted to write her and say that I read her for pleasure and am put off by the language. Should I? -- NON-CUSSER IN NEBRASKA

DEAR NON-CUSSER: When filth is directed at someone, it qualifies as verbal abuse, a weapon used to show contempt and destroy another person's sense of self-worth. Of course, what it shows is that the swearer, besides being a bully, isn't smart enough to come up with vocabulary that adequately describes his (or her) feelings powerfully enough to have them appreciated.

Because the verbal abuse your husband hurls at you is so hurtful it literally sickens you, it's time for you to take a closer look at why you continue to tolerate it. And as to your favorite author, by all means write and tell her that as a loyal reader you thought her last book was a real turn-off and why.

DEAR ABBY: If someone says, "I owe you an apology," but says nothing more, is that an apology? If an apology is "owed," shouldn't the person say, "I'm sorry"? -- STILL MIFFED IN OCEANSIDE, CALIF.

DEAR STILL MIFFED: When someone says, "I owe you an apology," it is an admission of guilt, not an apology. What you have described is a half-hearted, "miserly" effort to make amends. The apology is implied, but not clearly stated, and frankly, I can see why you're still miffed.

DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old stepson has problems getting up for school on time. My wife and I are split on what we should do about it.

I maintain that he's old enough to be responsible for getting himself up for school and should suffer the consequences if he's late. She thinks I should get him up. She works the late shift, which means I have to call him several times before he actually gets up. What do you think? -- STEPDAD IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR STEPDAD: If your stepson is having trouble prying himself out of bed in the mornings, it may be that he's not getting enough sleep and should go to bed earlier. And your wife needs to consider what will happen to him when you are no longer around to extract her son from between the sheets. That's why it's important to start training him NOW.

Buy a clock with a loud, annoying alarm, which should be placed in the farthest corner of his room from the bed, which will force him to get up in order to turn the darned thing off.

DEAR ABBY: Last summer, I cringed when I saw a neighbor cutting his lawn with a push mower and allowing his 3-year-old son to walk behind the mower to "help" him push. All the while, the mother stood nearby, smiling at the "father-and-son moment."

A few days later, I saw an 8-year-old boy cutting his lawn with a riding mower, with no adult in sight.

Abby, please remind parents that a lawn mower is a powerful, potentially dangerous machine. According to a study published in a children's medical journal, more than 9,000 children are injured by lawn mowers each year. Not only is there the obvious danger of the mower blades, children can also suffer severe burns from touching hot mower parts. In addition, projectiles can fly backward and cut or blind a child should a mower strike an object.

When the lawn mower is operating, the proper place for children is inside the house. -- CONCERNED NEIGHBOR, DUNWOODY, GA.

DEAR NEIGHBOR: Thank you for the timely reminder. Sometimes the most innocent of actions can have unintended consequences. Spring has sprung, bringing with it all the joys --and chores -- of the "growing" season. When a lawn mower is running, children -- and pets -- should not be in the vicinity.

DEAR ABBY: With the passing of our parents, as well as childless aunts and uncles, my husband and I have accumulated many special items such as an old family Bible, military memorabilia, photos of pets, etc.

Our departed dear ones are missed and loved, but we don't know what to do with a lot of these things. It feels disrespectful not to keep them. Have you any suggestions on how we can relieve the clutter as well as the guilt -- and feel OK about it? -- CLUTTERED BUT CARING IN WASHINGTON

DEAR CLUTTERED BUT CARING: Although you have been blessed to be the repository of so many family keepsakes, sometimes an overabundance of "things" can become a burden. When that happens, it's time to take stock and share some of the items with others who can appreciate them.

The Bible and photos should be offered to your state historical society. The military memorabilia could prove to be valuable if you have it appraised by someone who deals in it. The rest could be placed for sale in a consignment store or thrift shop.

Please don't feel guilty about it. It's actually an act of generosity.