DEAR ABBY: May I chime in on the letter from "Mini-Me in Texas" (Feb. 5), who didn't want to disclose to her colleagues the fact that she'd had weight-reduction surgery? There is still enormous bias against overweight people, even from those who should know better. The perception is that the problem is a "lack of control." There is also prejudice from these same folks against individuals who seek the lap band procedure because it is regarded as "taking the easy way out."

I understand why "Mini" would prefer to keep her procedure and adjustments private. One's own body and eating habits are a private matter.

If "Mini" wants to deflect negative speculation, she can say that she is worried about her health, has sought medical advice and is following her doctor's plan to help her lose weight.

Kudos to "Mini" for improving her health. Weight loss is always a struggle, and well-meaning people should not pass judgment or interfere. -- MINI-ME SUPPORTER IN OAKLAND

DEAR SUPPORTER: Your sentiments have merit. However, I also heard from readers who responded with other options for "Mini" to consider. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Since I had gastric bypass surgery last year, I have lost more than 80 pounds. I have been frank with my friends and have offered to provide any information I can. I am also happy to let them know that I no longer have type II diabetes, acid reflux, sleep apnea or high blood pressure.

Not only is it OK for "Mini" to tell people about her surgery, she should celebrate it as I do, and help others by letting them know not only what she did, but also how wonderful she's feeling now. -- LIGHTER NOW IN MINNESOTA

DEAR ABBY: I, too, had lap band surgery a year ago. When folks comment on my weight loss, I say, "Isn't it great? I feel fabulous!" When they ask how I lost the weight, I tell them that I eat less and exercise more. It's the truth without going into details. -- JILL IN IDAHO

DEAR ABBY: I liked your advice of ordering only an appetizer. Once the weight loss begins to show, people will stop questioning the smaller portion choices because they will be aware that "Mini" is on a weight-loss program.

I still need to exercise and make wise food choices. The lap band surgery for me was not a solution but a tool in helping me in my journey to lose weight. -- LOVING LIFE AGAIN

DEAR ABBY: I was so excited about my gastric bypass surgery, I told anyone who would listen. Everyone was extremely supportive. Responses ranged from "Good for you!" to curiosity about the procedure.

"Mini" has nothing to be ashamed of. And it's not a sign of weakness or "taking the easy way out" because there's nothing easy about weight-loss surgery. -- MINIER-ME IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: The lap band procedure has become so prevalent that my husband's surgeon issues wallet-sized cards to present to servers when requesting child-sized meals. So far, all restaurants have recognized and honored these cards. -- E.J.M. IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR ABBY: Being open about the surgery and successful weight loss can inspire others as well as reinforce the positive changes she has introduced into her life. It turns out the folks I didn't want to tell have become my biggest cheerleaders. -- HAPPY LOSER IN KANSAS

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I had a falling-out with his parents last October. We sent them an e-mail in December to let them know we have no desire to keep our children -- ages 5 and 6 -- from them. We feel it is important that they have a good relationship with their grandparents even though we don't.

My in-laws never responded and have made no attempt to see the children. They do send cards to them for holidays and birthdays, however.

While we accept that they want nothing to do with us, the kids keep asking why they don't get to see Nana and Papa anymore. We tell them that Nana and Papa love them very much, but are very busy. My in-laws live just 10 minutes away.

Abby, how do I continue to explain this situation to my children? They have done nothing wrong, and my heart breaks for them. -- DON'T BLAME THE KIDS

DEAR DON'T: You are behaving as if the ball is now in your in-laws' court. Continue telling your children that their grandparents love them, and have them pick up the phone and call Nana and Papa. If your in-laws are screening their calls and don't answer, have the children leave a message saying they miss their grandparents and would like to see them. Then the ball will be in their court.

DEAR ABBY: My son will graduate in June from a college in the Northeast. We live way down south. I am sending a few invitations to announce the occasion. No one is expected to make the trip for the event.

If people send only congratulatory cards, is a thank-you in order if no gifts are received? -- GRAD'S MOM

DEAR MOM: You should not send an invitation to anyone you know will not attend the graduation ceremony. To do so would seem like a bid for a gift. Instead, send a graduation announcement. According to "Emily Post's Etiquette": "Recipients of any kind of announcement are not expected to give gifts, though they may want to send a congratulatory note or card."

When someone does something nice for someone else, it deserves to be acknowledged. If your son receives a card congratulating him on his graduation, he should take a moment and drop the sender a note saying, "Thank you for remembering me at this special time in my life."

DEAR ABBY: I am a single woman in my mid-20s and am in the process of buying my first home. It is a great house and not necessarily a typical "starter" home.

My issue is many friends and acquaintances keep asking me how much I am purchasing the home for and how can I afford it. I was raised that to ask about someone's financial situation is rude and intrusive. Am I right, or has this become acceptable? -- VEXED IN TEXAS

DEAR VEXED: It's not surprising that someone would be curious. However, you are right. It IS bad manners to ask people what they paid for something. That's why you are perfectly within your rights to say that you would prefer not to answer and the question makes you uncomfortable.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Clay," and I recently met another couple, "Doreen" and "Bob," who let us know they're interested in socializing together. I like the concept of double-dating. It has a different social dynamic than hanging out with Clay's or my single friends.

At first we enjoyed our time with them. We met twice for dinner that first month. However, lately we've been feeling pressured. Doreen sends four or five e-mails during the week and then a few text messages asking about our plans and if we want to meet them on Saturday.

I have tried to explain that we can't afford to go out every weekend and that Clay and I sometimes have other plans. I have told them I'd be willing to host a game night or rent a movie, but I get the impression they consider it an insult.

The issue here is that we don't like being pushed. One text or e-mail toward the end of the week is plenty for us. But receiving several inquiries all week makes us feel trapped. We have our own projects, friends and activities. We can't spend every weekend with this couple. As much as we enjoy spending time with them, how can we politely let them know that it is becoming too much? -- IN DEMAND IN ANNAPOLIS

DEAR IN DEMAND: Doreen and Bob obviously do not have as full a social calendar as you do, and they love your company. It would not be rude to explain to Doreen that, as you so clearly stated in your letter, you "have your own projects, friends and activities" and "can't spend every single weekend" with them. You should also say that being snowed under with e-mails and texts makes you uncomfortable.

Tell her that you enjoy them, too, that you have financial limitations and that you will contact them to schedule something. If they take offense because of it, the problem is theirs, so don't make it yours.

DEAR ABBY: I can't be the only person with this question, and I hope you can point me in the right direction. Nowadays many restaurants, airports and department stores have automatic flush toilets. But sometimes they don't work. Is there an override switch somewhere? I hate to leave them unflushed.

For obvious reasons, I'm not signing my full name, but this is a genuine concern. -- LISA IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR LISA: The answer is yes. There usually is a manual button you can push when the infrared signal fails to operate. Sometimes it's a little black button on the front of the metal post, or a large metal button on the top.

You are absolutely not the only person with this question. And you know what? If you have tried without success to locate the button, you have my permission to leave the stall knowing you have done the best you "can."

DEAR ABBY: Every year, the day after my birthday, my father-in-law calls to yell at me for not letting him know it was my birthday. He says he "just found out" after talking to other family members. Then he'll say he would have sent me a gift -- or at least a card -- if I had told him.

Does he really expect me to call him two weeks before my birthday to remind him to start shopping for my gift? -- A DAY LATE ...

DEAR DAY LATE: Yes, he does. So next year, call his bluff and see what happens.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY DEAR MOTHER, PAULINE PHILLIPS: Happy Mother's Day, Mama. You have always been so many things to so many people -- a surrogate parent, a role model, a moral compass as well as an inspiration. You are in my heart and in my thoughts today and every day.